AITA for calling off my wedding until my in-laws stop fighting ?
A Reddit user shares how her wedding plans fell into chaos due to escalating tension between her parents and future in-laws over wedding contributions and priorities. After some snide remarks and social media jabs from both families, she ultimately decided to postpone the wedding until the atmosphere improved, posting an update on Facebook. Now, she’s facing backlash from all sides. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for calling off my wedding until my in-laws stop fighting ?’
I (22F) and my fiance (26 M) had our wedding date set for October of next year. We announced it 3 months ago at a family barbecue, and everyone seemed excited. We’ve been engaged for a little over a year now, and we wanted to announce the date before we even sent out invitations so everyone could plan for it.
Our initial plan to pay for the wedding went as followed: we save $500 each month for a year. We are getting married at the small-town family church, so $6,000 is plenty to cover what we need.
A week after the announcement my parents (brides parents) gave a very generous $2,000 donation to the wedding. My parents and my partners have about the same finances. My parents decided to skip their spring break trip to donate.
My mother-in-law heard about the donation. (we thanked my parents publicly but didn’t specify the amount.) She decided at the next family gathering to ask my parents about it, where she learned the amount and how they afforded that.
There was some conversation before I walked over, but this is what I heard my MIL say to my fiancé: “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for your next one.” (My MIL hasn’t ever liked me, she says I’m dramatic. She’s probably right tbh.) My fiancé told her firmly to shut up. My parents looked pissed off as well.
My mom said she didn’t think it was fair that the brides side (of 6 people, small family), donated more than my finances side (20 people). I don’t have any grandparents or aunts and uncles left, so my family is smaller. I told them that I love their donation, but my MIL’s side does not need to donate.
My MIL responded with a snappy, “I’m not giving up my vacation just because you two are broke.” I got pissed, and told her again that I don’t want any money from her. Mid-April, my MIL posts on Facebook about her spontaneous New York 5-day Vacation with other members of my fiancés side of the family.
My parents got very offended, thinking that if they had enough for a spontaneous vacay, why don’t they help pay for the wedding. I think they exaggerated the trip out of spite, but I still kinda agree. BUT at the end of the day it’s their money.
Now it’s May and both sides of the family are posting sassy Facebook posts, messaging inappropriate comments, and some not even talking. I posted on Facebook that we’re putting the wedding off for now.
I posted “We are no longer planning our wedding for October. We want to be married and supported by loving family members, and we all know we’ve been lacking at that recently. We will replan the wedding at a later date.” I tagged everyone, and now everyone’s mad at me. I tried to stay out of the drama, but seriously- wtf!. AITA/ what do I do now??
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
SnooRadishes8848 − Elope
YarrowPie − Unfortunately putting the wedding off just multiplied the drama. Do you really think they are all going to behave more in a year? That any of these adults are going to start acting like adults anytime soon? You just signed yourself up to do this all over again. you are NTA.
The parents are acting like assholes. But calling off the wedding didn’t help anything. Sounds like the perfect situation for eloping IMO. They’re all already mad anyways lol. These people need to learn what healthy boundaries are.
[Reddit User] − Refund your parents. Elope. The hell with both sets of parents, they are behaving appallingly.
KikiMadeCrazy − ESH. They are very juvenile. And so was your post. You could have just told them privately without the limelight of social media. I am sure not everybody is talking about it and making it even bigger. You are all so dramatic I love it. Hope pop corn is served on the day.
soxfan581 − ESH. The parents need to grow up this isn’t a competition, but you ‘canceling’ the wedding is just adding fuel to the fire and forcing both sides to dig in their heels and blame the other side and tbh it only hurts you and your fiance.
Someone here needs to be mature, I suggest you talk to your side and your fiance talk to their side and if that doesn’t do it just elope somewhere and let the focus be on you two which is where it should be.
SpeechIll6025 − YTA. You would not be the a**hole for just deciding to postpone. But the way you did it? Dramatically tagging everyone on social media? I’m embarrassed for you. And really you just proved future MIL right that you’re overly dramatic.
No one owes you money for your wedding. Period. You ILs could go on never ending vacations and it would be irrelevant. The fact that you let your parents attack them for that is gross.
RoyallyOakie − ESH….I’d give your parents the money back, then go to city hall. If you know you’re dramatic, now’s a good time to cut back on that.
Kami_Sang − YTA and so are your parents. Your MIL is an A for her remark about paying for the next one. However, no one owes you money for your wedding, no one has to match your parents’ donation, people are e**itled to use their own money on their own entertainment rather than pay for grown kid’s wedding.
Frankly, the biggest As here are your parents who feel that because they put money your fiance’s parents must match it – who made your parents the dictator of how other people spend their money and the amount ILs should contribute?
Fearless_Spring5611 − ESH. Do you want to be married, or have a nice big event where the attention is all on you?
Errvalunia − Your parents are getting AH by demanding the other family chip in. It’s NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS and if they are resentful for what they had to sacrifice then that is between you and them (did you demand/apply pressure/try to guilt them into it etc). It has nothing to do with your in laws.
Assuming they just decided to make a generous gift, they have no call to get butthurt at your ILs. “Family, it was very generous of you to give us a gift of money for our wedding and to choose to sacrifice a vacation to give me this gift. It meant a lot to me because I know what that money means to you.
But your gift has nothing to do with my in-laws and doesn’t mean that they are obligated to pay for anything. It’s OUR wedding and WE are willing to pay for everything and have a budget within our means, appreciating any gifts that help with the wedding costs but still fundamentally trying to have a wedding we can afford so that we don’t have to EXPECT or DEMAND that our families help fund it.
If your gift was only because you thought it was REQUIRED of you and you’re upset seeing that my future in laws didn’t contribute because it’s not actually required, I am happy to return it. I thought it was a gift not the payment of an obligation but if that’s not how you feel let me know.”
Was it fair for her to call off the wedding until family drama settles, or do you think she should have handled the situation differently? How would you navigate family conflicts like this? Share your thoughts below!
