AITA for calling my son’s teacher a b**ly and reporting her?
A Redditor shares her recent experience with her son’s English teacher, Mrs. A, who disregarded accommodations set up to support her son’s speech impediment. Despite having a note from the school explaining that her son should not be asked to read aloud, the teacher insisted, resulting in a humiliating experience for him.
After reporting the teacher’s behavior to the school, the Redditor also voiced her frustrations in the school’s parent group, calling Mrs. A a “cruel, power-tripping bully.” Now, the school has warned her about using “abusive language” and sharing complaints online. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for calling my son’s teacher a b**ly and reporting her?’
I \[41F\] have a son who I will call Jack \[12M\] with my husband \[42M\]. Jack has a speech impediment that causes him to stutter, it’s not too bad at home but he really struggles to speak in front of other people due to some past b**lying. He’s ok when it’s just his friends, but if he has to speak in front of the whole class, he can take several minutes to finish a sentence, which he finds very upsetting.
Me and my husband have spoken to the school and have arranged accommodations for Jack, all of his teachers know not to call on his for reading or to answer questions, and he is allowed to raise his hand or have a friend respond for him when the teachers is taking the register.
He has a note from school with he can show his teachers if they question why he is not able to speak aloud. Recently, my son has moved up to a higher level English class where he has a new teacher who I will call Mrs A.
Last week, she tried to get my son to read aloud, he showed her the note and she didn’t make him, however she emailed me saying that she didn’t think my son needed the note. I explained he did, and told her the school had evidence from his speech therapist, thinking that was it. That was until Monday, when I had to come pick Jack up from school.
The nurse said he felt sick, but when he got into the car he confessed that was not really the case. Basically, Mrs. A had asked him to read, he then showed her the note again, but she said that she had seen him talking to his friends and knew he could “speak fine when he wanted to” and telling him not to be so shy.
When my son refused, she promised to let the whole class out early if he read, again he shook his head. Some of his classmates were understanding, but as it’s a new class some of them don’t know him as well and were upset at him for the fact they didn’t get an early break, causing them to be rude to him.
Me and my husband were obviously very upset and sent an email to the school to report her, but I also made a post on the school’s parent WhatsApp group calling her a “cruel, power-tripping b**ly” and explaining what happened. From what I can gather, a screenshot of my message got shared around with many other parents siding with me.
However I received a message today from the school warning me not to use “a**sive language” to describe teachers, and telling me to please speak to the school directly instead of complaining online, as it could “compromise teacher safety” Part of me feels justified in sharing, but I don’t know if I went to far in calling her that and then sharing it to a groupchat with basically all the years parents, especially if it could really put her in danger. AITA?
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Kasparian − Look, I’m not going to vote one way or another, and I do think the teacher handled it inappropriately, but what was the point of posting in the social group? Not being snarky, but legitimately curious. If you thought the school was going to handle the issue you raised, what were you hoping to achieve with the post other than just venting?
Also, are the accommodations made with the school actually enough? It seems like it may need to be something more concrete like an IEP or 504 (though may also not qualify since the issue does not seem to be severe). It just seems like the note is something the teachers can ignore if they choose to. More like a request than an actual accommodation they have to follow
SomeoneYouDontKnow70 − NTA. I would share the message from the school as well. Where was the concern for student safety when this teacher pinned the blame on your son for not letting the class go early? Why is student safety disregarded while teacher safety is paramount? Their response is really ironic and hypocritical.
Lucifig − NTA. I find it ironic that shaming the teacher in front of others (online) is unacceptable and “compromises safety”, but shaming a child in front of others is perfectly fine for some reason?
Authentic_Jester − NTA. Also, hell the f**k no the school shot back. I would screenshot that s**t and go straight to the head of the school district with that BS. A**sive Language? what the f**k was the teacher doing when she was attempting to b**ly your son into doing something he wasn’t comfortable with.
If able, get the law involved. I would raise hell and ruin the entire school for this nonsense. How dare they. This is straight-up an attempt to pressure you into submission, don’t take it. S**t, recruit other parents to help. I have no patience for school districts power tripping like this. 👎
ProfessionalLog7127 − NTA You communicated that the accommodations were necessary and instead of complying with those accommodations, she doubled down by using his peers against him. Now it is no longer just a teacher b**lying him, she set the stage for him to be bullied by his peers.
I probably would have gone to administration prior to communicating it in a parent group, but I also know from being in those parent groups, sometimes the only way to get the school to deal with issues is to make them public. Otherwise, they sweep it under the rug and the child continues to suffer.
utsukamiii − NTA, that teacher is a genuine b**ly and should not be allowed to teach… as someone who didnt have parents sticking up for them like that, im really glad to hear you go to such lengths to accomodate your sons needs <3
CapybaraOfDuhm − However I received a message today from the school warning me not to use “a**sive language” to describe teachers, and telling me to please speak to the school directly instead of complaining online, as it could “compromise teacher safety”
At that point I’d ask the school to elaborate on what part of your statement they think is ‘a**sive language’ and whether they think any part of your statement was false because calling a b**ly a b**ly isn’t a**sive but simply the truth.
Maybe they should vet and train their employees better to not b**ly students with disabilities if they don’t want their teachers’ b**lying to be made public? As to why you posted this in the parent group?
Well obviously so other parents are aware of a problematic teacher as well as so other parents who might have or had issues with that teacher too could contact you. Do they want to forbid you from trying to find out whether this is an isolates incident with said teacher? . Nta, protect your child!
SassyWookie − NTA, after more information was provided. INFO: Does your son have an IEP or 504 plan? If so, then you’re not the a**hole because it is literally illegal for teachers to ignore or violate those plans. I know this because I am a teacher.
That said, if your plan wasn’t formalized with the state and you’re just sending your son to school with a note saying he’s exempt from certain classwork… that’s not how school works, and you’re absolutely an a**hole for your response.
You don’t just get to “arrange” that your son be exempt from certain work, there is a formalized process for setting up exemptions due to disability or medical needs.
maya_poltergeist_17 − NTA But I would advise he takes some extra class to help him heal because he will need to talk in public eventually. Eurythmy is good, theater, singing and other types of expressive activities can help.
elizabreathe − NTA, what the teacher did was not only her being cruel to your son but her actions also created a situation that encouraged other students to resent and be cruel to your son. B**lying is always the worst when it’s encouraged by teachers and I think some people here might not have the life experience to understand how devastating that is.
Was the Redditor justified in using strong language in the parent group to describe the teacher’s behavior, or should she have kept her complaint private with the school? How would you have handled this situation? Share your thoughts below!
