AITA for calling my parents s**fish for having me, knowing they’d pass down a hereditary illness, and going LC after they hid it, putting my child at risk too?
A woman recently discovered she has a serious hereditary illness that her parents hid from her, despite knowing the risks due to family history. After realizing they lied about the illness’s prevalence in the family—even about her aunt’s death—she confronted them, furious that they didn’t disclose it, especially as it could affect her 2-year-old son.
She accused them of selfishly prioritizing their desires over her well-being. Now she’s gone low-contact, refusing to keep their secret from her younger siblings, and wonders if she’s wrong for distancing herself. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for calling my parents s**fish for having me, knowing they’d pass down a hereditary illness, and going LC after they hid it, putting my child at risk too?’
I (28F) recently found out I have a serious hereditary illness that’s going to s**ew up my life, and I am *so* mad I can barely type this out. It’s a degenerative illness, no cure, nothing. My body’s just gonna slowly get worse. And the kicker?
My parents have known this could happen my *whole* life and never said a damn word. This illness runs in my family. My dad’s *mom* had it. His *sister*—my aunt—died from it a few years ago. I was living overseas when she passed, and my parents told me it was cancer. *Cancer.* They lied right to my face.
It wasn’t until I got diagnosed that they *finally* came clean and admitted she had the same illness I do. When I confronted them, my dad wouldn’t even give me a straight answer. I asked if he had it too, and he dodged every single question, acting like I was overreacting.
My mom, on the other hand, tried to justify it by saying they didn’t want me “living in fear.” Are you kidding me? I could have been *prepared*! Instead, they chose to let me walk into this blind. And here’s where it gets worse—I have a 2-year-old son. My child might have this, and they *never* told me I was at risk.
I could’ve had him tested, made informed decisions, *anything*. But no, they took that from me, and now I live in constant fear for him too. Then my mom had the *nerve* to ask *me* if I would have rather not been born than deal with this. Can you believe that?
She turned it around on me, like *I’m* the monster for even thinking it. And you know what? Yes, I said it. *Yes, I would rather not have been born* than deal with this disease. They made a s**fish choice, and now *I’m* paying for it. They knew the risks and did it anyway, for *themselves*.
They wanted kids, and now I’m stuck with this. I called them s**fish, and I meant every word. Now, they’re *begging* me not to tell my younger siblings. They don’t know about this yet, haven’t been tested, and my parents want to keep it that way. They’re hoping they’ll get lucky, but I’m not going to lie to them.
I refuse to let them be blindsided like I was. They deserve to know the truth. I’ve gone low contact with my parents. I can’t stand to even think about them right now. My mom keeps trying to guilt-trip me, saying they were “just trying to protect me.” Protect me from *what*? The truth?
No, they weren’t protecting me. They were protecting *themselves*, from the guilt of knowing they passed this on, and now they want me to protect them too. But I won’t. I love my son and my siblings too much to lie to them. AITA for going LC and refusing to keep their secret, even though they claim they were just trying to “protect” me?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Fatherofthree47 − Sounds like our family and Huntingtons disease. We’re praying that the last children that have it don’t have any kids. It has decimated a chunk of my mom’s side of the family.
GobboChomps − NTA. My parents did the same to me *knowing* and Im terminally ill at 24 years old from not being able to or even having the knowledge to try to offset the effects of my conditions. It was s**fish at all to breed, at least in my case, and not only that but my parents kept me and everyone else in the dark about it.
It wasnt even that I wasnt seeking care/answers. Ive been very unwell and wonky all my life and started seeing doctors for it regularly by 7. By middle school I was very aware something was *very* wrong and doctors didnt know either so would bandaid slap it all.
I needed surgeries and treatments I never got bc everyone denied there was a bigger issue. My parents knew. EDS type 4, the vascular, and Charcot Marie Tooth disease. My dad told me about the CMT disease maybe 7 or 8 months ago.
The EDS type 4 was only found bc they couldnt figure out why my organ failure was so rapid. And both parents knew. You are 100% NTA and your parents are s**fish af OP. Im sorry. I also wouldve rather never been born.
Ive been either hindered or in outright pain probably 97% of my life after 6 years old and told to s**k it up by doctors while my parents implied I was a big faker knowing I was a genetic wonk.
fairysimile − For people reading silently thinking “so what you were gonna abort your son if you knew?” – you can actually screen Huntington’s out if you use IVF to conceive, so you stop it spreading to future generations and still have your kid this way. Except you have to f**king know you have it first, obviously.. NTA
Mother_Search3350 − Sweet Jesus. You need to group message all your siblings and give them all the information you have and that they need to prepare for the possibility of having the disease.
You cannot possibly be there considering being the monumental AH that your parents are and letting them and their children suffer from something that they can prepare for. If they don’t have children yet, they need to know about the illness and make informed choices.
I would have gone nuclear on my parents and sued them for every penny they have.They literally signed a d**th warrant for you and your kid and lied about it . But that’s just me.
FormalRaccoon637 − NTA. Cancer runs in my dad’s side of the family; my paternal grandmother died of it. I’m (33F) at high risk for that, and I’ve already battled two other types of cancers. My parents got a DNA analysis done six years ago to see my risk levels and stuff.
Back when I was born, we had no idea such cancers are hereditary. My parents had no idea I’d end up getting cancer. They were quite upset and took great care of me. Knowing what I know now, I’ve chosen to be childfree.
You have every right to feel angry at your parents for withholding this important medical information from you and not letting you prepare yourself physically and mentally. NTA.
Missicat − NTA. For those of you saying OP is the AH, it sounds like Huntingtons. Google it. It’s a horrible disease with a 50/50 chance of handing it down to your children. Something similar happened to a friend of mine. Fortunately she didn’t inherit it, but her brother did. Just a nightmare.
psycocavr − My X wifes family (moms side) has Huntington’s (Dominant gene genetic disorder so 50/50 if a parent has it that the child gets it). It was the Big family secret. None of the 4 kids knew about it. her Grandfather died of it.. But this was passed off as he was a drunk and had an accident).
My X always had questions and when her mom started with early signs (\~ age 40) she began to do research. Finally she was able to get the story in bits and bits . The siblings all sort of denied it and the Grandma never admitted it.
My X was tested and did not have it (that was a lot of work on our part to keep it of insurance records). She told all of her siblings.. 2 of which already had kids. None of them ever were tested, they just decided to let nature take its course. (2 of the 5 have Huntington’s and one has died of it)
She tried to tell her moms other siblings but they were resistant to hearing it. The old ‘ family Secrets’..not your business. X’s mom died of the disease after we were divorced, 2 of her siblings died of it. Unknown how many of the kids may have it… Dam family secrets.
Knickers1978 − Tell your siblings. They deserve to be informed. They can get tested, and find out whether they’ll get it or not. They can also have the choice to have kids based on that knowledge.
Your parents are killers. Point that out to them. They chose to have kids knowing they have something they can pass on that will kill their children and grandchildren. What else would you call it? Me? I say they had kids to let them die, to kill them.. NTA obviously
Jazzlike-Bird-3192 − Oh! I wish I could give you a hug right now. My sister-in-laws best friend died from Huntington disease. She always knew it was a possibility. She tested positive and opted not to have children. Her sibling who has tested positive has made the same choice.
They understood the risks and they made their choices. Your parent’s decision to hide this from you is beyond s**fish. You have a right to know. Your siblings do need to know. It’s only fair to them and any children they might choose to have. You all have the right to make informed decisions.
Trying to turn it on you and make you feel bad for being angry just takes them further over the line. (As Joey once said, “You’re so far over the line, the line is a dot to you!”) I am so very sorry you are going through this. 💔. NTA
fuckedfinance − Meanwhile, I was downvoted earlier this week for saying that an inheritable genetic disease history can be a showstopper in a partner.
You’re good, and right to be pissed off.
Was it wrong for her parents to keep this hidden? What’s your take? Share your thoughts below!
