AITA for calling my mother a toddler and telling her I no longer trust her with my money?

A 19-year-old Redditor finds themselves in conflict with their mother after a disagreement over a financial arrangement for Thanksgiving groceries. When the mother didn’t fully reimburse them as agreed and implied they were dishonest, the user confronted her about past accusations of lying.

The conversation escalated, with the Redditor accusing their mother of being immature and untrustworthy with money. Now, the mother is giving them the cold shoulder, and the user wonders if they went too far. Read the full story below and share your thoughts!

‘ AITA for calling my mother a toddler and telling her I no longer trust her with my money?’

I (19F) went grocery shopping on Thanksgiving (yesterday) for the household, which I couldn’t afford, operating on the assumption that my mother would reimburse me the cost as she had agreed to before I left.

I kept it under $150, as also agreed upon. However today, she gave me only a portion of that money and in the note she left me notifying me that she had given it to me, implied that I had been lying about the cost in order to get more money out of her. I showed her my recent transaction history proving I wasn’t.

She then accused me of misremembering what she had agreed to; “I never said I would cover everything, I only said I would give you some money!” (An important thing to note: she’s convinced I’m lying about virtually everything because when I was younger, I had manipulated her various times out of desperation in attempt to hang out with my friends and comb the city for extracurricular activities (my school didn’t offer anything I liked).

She was one of those crime statistics-obsessed parents who never allowed me to venture beyond a mile away from home regardless of the time or day; and as a result, the nature of my friendships was shallow given that I didn’t have the opportunity to cultivate more meaningful bonds beyond the confines of school.)

Though the loss is admittedly small, I’m a broke college student on financial aid whose pay was docked this month due to my boss’s absence. Together, both my grandmother and I cover the majority of household expenses. *Every dollar counts* and now I’m in an even bigger hole.

But I was more upset about the fact that she’s gone back on an agreement, especially given how contemptuous she is of me for having done the same in the past. I told her as much and she predictably launched into a tirade about how I’m perpetually dishonest (I haven’t lied to her since the previously mentioned moments).

I said it’s unfair for her to judge me according to (1) an amalgam of my worst moments and (2) continue to resent me for exhibiting developmentally-appropriate behavior that she’d reacted to in an immature manner disproportionate to the offense (stormed away, door slammed, refused to talk to me for 48 hours, accused me of “wishing she hadn’t been born” when I tried to explain why I’d felt compelled to lie to her).

I asked if she would berate a baby for crying in public or scream at a toddler for climbing something they weren’t supposed to. I said if she’s too much of a toddler to understand why it’s ridiculous to hold a grudge against your child for doing something children typically do, it’s not my problem and I don’t care to waste my time trying to get back in her good graces.

I also thanked her for teaching me a valuable lesson: not to trust her with my money. She stormed off to her room and has texted me the following: “do not text, call, or email me. i am 2. toddlers are not parents.” AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

FAnna-Banana −  NTA. OP you called it exactly like it is, complete with the toddler like tantrum in the end. I’m surprised that she didn’t throw herself down on the floor wailing and beating her fists on the floor in full blown temper tantrum.

Do not trust her with anything at all! Why isn’t she working? Why is grandma supporting her and basically enabling her? If anyone’s the a**hole, it’s totally your mom.

LoveBeach8 −  NTA. Stop trusting her. Period. Also, why is she not working so you and your grandma aren’t supporting her, especially when you’re “a broke college student?”

Don’t give her any money and insist on money upfront when she asks you to go to the store for her. Buy your own essentials, of course, but nothing for her unless she gives you the money first. Pay for your own groceries so she can’t throw that in your face, too. Don’t eat anything of hers.

_Chris_Topher__ −  NTA. In the future, make her pay up front, or get the agreement in writing. She’s not going to like that, obviously, but you can also ask her to “reset the clock” and mutually agree to forget pay lies if she’s straight with you in the future…

but you should also record those conversations because of course she’s going to change her commitments based on whatever’s convenient for her at the time. You don’t have to be mean about it… Just say you want written or audio records of your implied contracts to avoid confusion in the future. 🤣

dragonetta123 −  NTA. New rule for the house, shopping list is provided, money given in cash in advance, receipt provided, and the list/receipt and change photographing and ent and stored. Clearly, there are trust issues, and it’s building up on both sides.

Longjumping-Pick-706 −  NTA. Please hop over to r/raisedbynarcissists sub. Your mother is extremely emotionally m**ipulative, emotionally a**sive, emotionally immature, and was never fit to be a parent. You will never have a healthy relationship with this woman. It’s better to accept that now and go to therapy if you can.

Further contact with her will be drastic to your mental health. She gaslights, deceives, and manipulates. The 3 big destroyers of mental health. She is hypocritical as well. As a mother, I am deeply ashamed of this woman. You deserved far better.

NTA You were spot on with your assessment of your mother. You surpass people your age when it comes to emotional maturity and the ability to express yourself. You should be proud of the person you have become DESPITE your mother.

sweetrefuge −  NTA. In future tell her you won’t do anything for her involving money unless she pays you up front.

Square-Emergency-531 −  NTA, relate her tantrum to all family- your mother is acting *exactly* like a toddler

Bluebell2519 −  Just cut her off already.

Careless-Ad7189 −  Op NTA. Focus on your schooling from now on. You can’t help someone who doesn’t/wants help themselves first. If it possible to return some items to bring back some of the lost money, do it.

I know thanksgiving is all about the big food with family, but you can survive without one perfect thanksgiving. At the end of the day, you’re the child, she’s the parent. Don’t let the roles reversed. It’s just another way to manipulate you into helping her despite anything she does/say

TimelyApplication723 −  NTA and your mom is not right in this situation. However, how long ago was this m**ipulative behavior? Six months? A year? Two? Have you worked to be honest and regain trust?

Also, not all teenagers are m**ipulative or lie to their parents so don’t say it’s typical teen behavior. It’s not. Neither my friends or I did this and we had very involved parents whose approval of social events was usually restricted to hanging out at each others houses or a spot they knew and approved of. 

Was the Redditor justified in calling out their mother for breaking an agreement and bringing up past grievances, or did they cross the line by resorting to name-calling and accusations? How would you handle this situation with a parent? Share your thoughts below!