AITA for calling my mom when my husband refused to listen to me?

A Redditor shared how her difficult pregnancy and the unexpected arrival of her brother-in-law’s family led to conflict with her husband. When her husband refused to address the chaos caused by their houseguests, she called her mom for support, resulting in a dramatic family intervention. Was she wrong for involving her mom, or was it necessary given the circumstances? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for calling my mom when my husband refused to listen to me?’

I (26f) recently moved into my first home. I am also 4 months pregnant with our first baby. The pregnancy has been very hard. I have horrible morning sickness. It reached a really bad point where I passed out hit my head and my Dr admitted me to the hospital for a week.

When I got home my husband allowed his brothers family to move into 2 of our 3 bedrooms. (They were evicted i dont know why). One room was My office was tossed into our room papers every where. The house was a complete wreck. Trash, dirty clothes, used diapers.

I started to cry. It was like a light flipped my husband was no longer the same. My husband told me it “wasn’t that bad”. My reply was “fine then you should have the house cleaned up before I wake up.” Completly exhausted. I fell asleep for 4 hrs. I woke up and went to get a drink of water.

I couldn’t every glass we own is scattered around the house. They didnt clean a single thing. I passive aggressively started to pick up the dirty dishes and washed them. The following morning. I was trying my best to work when their kids were crying non stop. Banging on the walls so on. Their mom was in her room for hours ignoring them.

When my husband came home. He was upset with me over how I didn’t make his brother’s wife feel welcome in our home. By helping with their kids when she was tired. Then continued to complain how nothing was done while he was at work all day in the house. Yep the same one he didn’t clean.

That lead to a fight where I told him. “I am too sick to have company and they need to leave”. To which he replied they are his family and he won’t kick them out. I started to cry again. I was beyond frustrated, exhausted, I physically couldnt do it anymore. I called my mom asking if I could come stay with her.

Telling her the whole story infront of my husband. Who at this point was completely shocked, Angry, also I could tell he wasnt sure what to do. My mom came with my brother’s (I have 3 older brothers). My mom super angry told my husband. “Since your family can stay so can we.” My mom quickly took charge. I was sent to bed.

My brother’s started cleaning complaining loudly at how disgusting my BIL family is. Along with what a horrible husband my husband is for putting me through this while I am sick. I got a text message from my MIL for calling me an A for not helping my husband clean up the house and putting my BIL in a uncomfortable position by having my mom boss him around.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

TerrifiedSquid −  Wait.. your MIL called.. to fuss at you for INVOLVING YOUR MOTHER?!?!. There’s this pot kettle thing.. NTA 1000%.. but house guests in a shared home require TWO yesses and only one no. Both of you agree or it shouldn’t happen. Your husband has treated you abominably. I’m not sure I could deal with that honestly. Can you go stay w your mom?

mdthomas −  I mean this in the nicest way possible: please start prepping for divorce. Your husband moved in people to the home without consulting with you first. He is prioritizing their needs over the needs of his wife and unborn child.. NTA

shadow-foxe −  NTA- so while you are in hospital, your husband without even asking you moves in his brothers family. WOW. His family, he cleans. I’d be making him attend some therapy sessions because he needs a huge wake up call.

CrystalQueen3000 −  I officially love your mother. NTA

TalkingCapibara −  Please update us, I want to know more! How did your husbands family react to the aggressive cleaning? Were they at least embarrased? Did they stay or magically find another place to live? I’m so invested!

redheadjd −  I want your mom to adopt me. I’ll be a cool stepsis, I SWEAR! Your mom sounds like an awesome problem solver.. ​ NTA. Your husband tho – wow. Talk about kicking someone when they’re down.

Damn – she’s sick, she’s pregnant with my baby, she just got out of the hospital – this seems like a good time to have rude, boorish houseguests for her to cook for and clean up after. Seriously, WTF? This was his time to show you that he’s got your back, he’s your support system.

What does he do? Exactly the opposite of that. He increases your workload and decreases your comfort. That guy, if he doesn’t do a major apology and change of behavior – you’ll be a lot better off without him. Do you really want to sign on for a whole family of babies to feed and clean up after? I think just the one baby will be plenty.

a-mullins214 −  NTA. Once you heard him say sorry to your mom did you tell anyone what your MIL texted you? I would out her so fast to your mom and she if she apologizes.

Chemical_Inspection7 −  Obligatory NTA. Also just cause at this point in the saga I have to ask, where is your husband in all of this at this point? Kinda hoping mil has also stomped down hard on his behaviors.

Lets-B-Lets-B-Jolly −  NTA- also, since BIL and his family are living with you rent free, the least they should do while you are pregnant and Ill is make your life easier, not harder. They should be cooking meals and cleaning so you can rest.

OP, have you been diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarium? If not, get your OB to do so if possible. You will need care for a high risk pregnancy.. Edit: corrected misspellings ;P

SavageSvage −  Hmmm.. I’m Latino. This sounds like a Latin family dynamic thing going on here, am I right in assuming this? But also, NTA

Was involving her mom the right decision, or could she have handled the situation differently? Should her husband have been more considerate, or does accommodating family come first? Share your opinions below!