AITA for calling my mom “unreliable”?

A Reddit user shares a frustrating experience with their mother, who repeatedly failed to buy a foam mat for a science project despite multiple reminders. The user had asked their mom to purchase it from a store 30 minutes away, and when she didn’t follow through, the user became irritated.

After the final instance of their mom not buying it, the user called her “unreliable,” which led to a heated argument. Now, the user is questioning whether they were in the wrong for being critical. Read the original story below for the full context.

‘ AITA for calling my mom “unreliable”?’

I’m 16 years old and I needed a foam mat for a science project. The only problem is these are not near or house and at a store 30 minutes away. I don’t got a license so I told my mom before I went to school to buy it for me. Just to make sure she did, I even sent her messages during school to get it which she agreed to.

When I got home (Tuesday), I discovered that she completely forgot about it and said that she was too tired to drive to the store right now. I was slightly nervous because the project is due Friday but it wasn’t too big of a deal because I was sure I could do it in that time. So, I told her to buy it tomorrow (Wednesday) and sent her a message during school again to buy it. When I got home, she was chatting with friends she invited over.

So I reminded her if she got it and her reply was no, so I asked if we could go right now but she said no because her friends are here. At this point, I was irritated but didn’t push it and just made her promise she’d get it tomorrow. Eventually, her friends did leave around 7 but i was already deep into my homework by then and didn’t get to bed until 11. So today rolls around, and I told her she must absolutely get it now as the project is due tomorrow.

She confirms and says she got it but when I got home, she didn’t have the dang thing. I was irritated at this point and just remarked that even with all my reminders that she still proves to be unreliable. She got mad and started screaming at me calling me ungrateful and critical of her mistakes. So now I’m in the car with my friend going to that store because my mom refused to take me after I said that to her.. So AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 −  NTA. Your mom is clearly unreliable. She should apologize and try to make amends, but she’s choosing the path of DARVO: Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Offender. It’s a narcissistic behavior, and I’m sorry you had to grow up with it. I sympathize because my own mom reacts to criticism in the same way. I’m glad you have a friend who can bail you out of this situation. Good luck on that project!

Loquacious555 −  NTA. Probably not the best thing to say to someone that holds the keys to the car needed to get said supplies. She is unreliable though. It’s ridiculous after all the reminders that she still couldn’t get her s**t together enough to go buy it for you.

KaliTheBlaze −  NTA. All parents will forget important things like this at least once in their lives, but a good, reliable parent will actually get it on day 2, even if it means they have to say goodbye to their friend early, because at this point they recognize that they’ve had 3 missed opportunities (Tuesday day, Tuesday evening, and Wednesday day) and it just needs to get done so their kid can get their school project done.

I know mine might have asked Tuesday night if I needed them to go get it despite their fatigue or if it could wait until the next day, but they’d have gotten it without fail on Wednesday. And they’d have been likely to just get it done Tuesday evening if they were able, despite being tired, because they placed a lot of importance on supporting my school needs.

dembowthennow −  NTA and your mom is showing you why you should be making moves to be independent of her as soon as you can.

Electrical_News_6458 −  Probably should have started with the friend.

wlfwrtr −  NTA Ask her, What are you supposed to grateful for? That she doesn’t care about your needs? That her friends are more important than you are? What does think you have to be grateful for?

Nimlily −  INFO when were you assigned this project? I seem to remember in high school having much more than a week to complete science projects. Did you really just get this project or did you have more time and put it off until the last week?

Penny5Dime25 −  OP how long did you know about this project?

MeMyselfAndI8480 −  Have you ever tried ASKING her? Everything is “I told her”. Maybe she’d be more inclined to help, if you came across as grateful and appreciative. A little kindness goes a long way.

BayAreaPupMom −  INFO: Did you only find out about a major science project on Tuesday that was due Friday? That seems suspect. Doesn’t the teacher provide a syllabus of major assignments at the beginning of the year?
As a parent, I have access to my 11th grader’s list of upcoming assignments.

Plus, he’ll tell me a couple of weeks in advance if he needs something because I usually will just order from Amazon to avoid going to the store. If I need to go, he has to come with me to pick it out so having at least a full week notice will include the weekend where we can go together.

Your mom doesn’t sound very organized, but it sounds like you are continuing to rely on her when you know she has a habit of not not following through. Just get the money from her in the future and figure it out yourself. There is a saying that goes: “If you want something done right, do it yourself.”