AITA for calling my MIL p**cho and telling her to back off?

A Redditor hosts seasonal family dinner parties where food allergies are a concern, and she takes great care to ensure everything is safe for her guests. Despite her repeated requests for guests not to bring any food, her sister-in-law insists on bringing dishes each time, disrupting the carefully planned, allergy-safe menu.

When the sister-in-law brought cornbread despite clear instructions to bring only wine, the frustrated host decided to throw it away. The situation escalated when the sister-in-law noticed and confronted her, leading to a heated argument. Was the host too harsh, or was she justified in setting boundaries? Read the story below to find out.

‘ AITA for calling my MIL p**cho and telling her to back off?’

I (F22) live with my partner (M23). At the start his mum was amazing to me, then one day she started accusing me of abuse and telling everyone I’m a s**t and abuse her son. We confronted her and she told me I need to f**k off and I need to find someone else’s life to ruin.

My partner immediately moved out of her house and moved in with me and my mum (over 3 years ago now). We pushed past it, I even went away with his family for a week, and had amazing time.

The other day we went to see his mum, this day I was wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts, this too sat high on my chest, around arm pit level, where my shorts were just elastic waist sport shorts that sat just below my ass.

She proceeded to say I always have my ass and tits out and dress like a s**t it was around 35*C (95*F) which is considered pretty hot in Australia. Today she rang him and he didn’t answer due to him being at work so she kept ringing when he answered she told him she couldn’t breathe and needed an ambulance.

So he immediately left work, came home to get me (I’m closer to work so he picked me on the way) and we went to her. She said “I was joking but u need to answer when I call” and started laughing, I told her she was p**cho and we left.

A few hours later she came to our house unannounced just showed up and walked in without knocking, told me again what I was wearing was disgusting and I should dress up more (a baggy shirt and the same shorts) I told her I was only at home she then told me to dress up and wear makeup or my fiancé would leave me.

I went to the kitchen to make dinner. When I walked back in she was telling my fiancé about these girls she met who would be perfect for him. Before my fiancé said anything she told him “it’s good to keep your options open and I’m not good enough, especially how I put no effort into myself”.

I then lost it and told her she’s absolutely insane and needs to f**k off out of my house and to never come over again without asking. She told me I was b**ch and left.

My partner says i shouldn’t have been so hard on her and I’m the a**hole? There’s so many little comments she’s made in the past that I ignored. But this time was to much. Am I the a**hole?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Remote-Physics6980 −  NTA and it’s g**lighting to even insinuate that you are. Genuine question : Why are you tolerating this much abuse from your future mother-in-law? Bc I have really bad news for you; it’s only gonna get worse.

If anyone spoke to me like that in my own home and insulted me in such a fashion they would regret it in the short and long term. And if your fiancé won’t back you up in your own home, then I would counsel you very seriously not to marry this man.

You’re getting a preview of what it would be like to have these people around as family in a very legal and binding sense. Don’t do it. There’s a veritable forest of red flags here. It’s kind of obvious your fiancé has chosen his mother as opposed to you.

I would again counsel you to go find a man who is not already committed. Also, when you find Mr. maybe right? Go meet his family. Now you know what to look for and avoid. NTA 

No-Personality-9280 −  NTA You don’t just have a future MIL problem. You have a fiance problem 🚩🚩🚩. He should not have let his mother get away with insulting you the way she did…in your own home! 

Dittoheadforever −  You’re NTA and your assessment of her is accurate. My partner says i shouldn’t have been so hard on her . He needs a reality check. . – She insults you frequently. – She spam called him, knowing he is at work, faked an emergency, then laughed about it.

– She showed up unannounced and uninvited and again insulted you in your own home. – She is actively trying to ruin your relationship.
Does he really think those actions deserve a gentle response?

RoyallyOakie −  NTA…there’s clearly something wrong with your MIL. Your partner needs to face this. 

shelfside1234 −  Your NTA but she clearly has MH issues, presumably an empty nest / separation anxiety deal. Appreciate you might not want to deal with her directly but someone needs to direct her towards getting some help

Saphixx_ −  OP, your wedding needs to be put on hold, and she needs help. DO NOT MARRY INTO THIS. Your fiance needs to put some boundaries down and defend you. Seriously, you think it’s bad now?

Wait till you’re married and “family” expectations are put on you. She is a**sive. She is m**ipulative. Your husband needs to show he has your back or you’re going to be miserable. NTA

-chelle- −  NTA – Honestly, maybe YOU should keep your options open. You really wanna stay with a man who let’s his mom call you a s**t and suggests other women infront of you IN YOUR HOUSE but YOU’RE wrong? He’s not the one that deserves better here. Who cares how long you’ve been together, ain’t no one deserves to put up with that s**t.

Unlucky-Gift-9360 −  NTA. She’s treating you in a completely unacceptable manner. You were not out of line, you don’t have to take that abuse from her. Now, I’m 100% projecting here, but these kind of situations can get very, very u**y. Your partner should absolutely not tolerate that his mother is talking to you that way.

He should have your back, and put an end to it immediately. My father’s mother was similarly a**sive towards my mother, and eventually my father started taking the constant negative s**t his mother was pouring into his ear, out on my mother, in the form of physical abuse.

These kind of mothers who can’t let go of their grown, adult children, are sick in the head, and it can take a huge toll on your relationship and even put you in danger in the worst case scenario.

She has already shown she isn’t beyond faking a medical emergency for attention, so obviously she’s willing to push beyond what is acceptable. Please be careful and take care of yourself.

Freeverse711 −  NTA. But the fact that your partner is now making you out to be the bad guy is a problem. His mom is nuts.

Otherwise_Degree_729 −  NTA. But either your partner grows a back bone or you leave. He should have made her shut up and leave long before you had to intervene.

Was the host justified in protecting her allergy-safe menu, or should she have been more flexible with her sister-in-law’s repeated offerings? How would you handle a guest who disregards your hosting requests? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!