AITA for calling my fiance to “grow up” over his picky eating?

A Reddit user shares her frustration with her fiancé’s extreme pickiness when it comes to food. At 29, he has a very limited diet, sticking primarily to pizza, cereal, and bread, and refusing to try anything outside his comfort zone, including vegetables.

This situation escalated during a recent family dinner, where he embarrassed her by not eating what her parents had prepared. Feeling overwhelmed, she confronted him, telling him to “grow up.” Now, she’s left questioning whether her reaction was too harsh. Read the original story below for more details.

‘ AITA for calling my fiance to “grow up” over his picky eating?’

My (27F) fiance (29M) is an extremely picky eater, and lately, I’ve been feeling really frustrated with his extreme pickiness when it comes to food. He has a very limited diet and refuses to try anything outside of his comfort zone. He doesn’t eat meat or vegetables, his diet typically consists of stuff like pizza, macaroni, cereal, and bread with the occasional fruit on the side.

This has made it extremely frustrating whenever we eat out. If we’re getting something to eat, we have to only go to places that serve anything he wants, which limits our options to mostly just fast food or pizza places. He’s offered to go out to other restaurants with me, but he never ends up ordering anything when we do and it’s extremely embarrassing.

He never eats anything I cook, and typically just sticks to making his own food. This came to a head when we visited my parents last week. We sat down to eat together, they know he doesn’t eat meat so prepared a vegetable dish.

When we were eating, he only ate a small portion of it, and I could tell from how little he had eaten he wasn’t going to finish it. My parents asked what was wrong, and he thanked them for the food, but said he just wasn’t that hungry and ended up just fiddling with the rest of it and threw most of it out after dinner. I was mortified.

On the way back, he wanted to stop and get food and I kind of laid into him. I told him he embarrassed me, was rude to my parents to not eat the dish, and that he seriously needs to grow up and stop eating like a manchild.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had an argument about this, but it is the first time I’ve been this mad. Last summer we visited my extended family at my uncle’s lakehouse, and he basically only ate frozen pizza and cereal the three days we were there, which caused issues since my nieces and nephews were there and I felt it set a bad example for them.

He got really hurt and hasn’t talked to me much for the past few days. I feel bad, but at the same time, I’m just tired of this. So, AITA? I feel I could have been nicer and more accomodating, but it’s not like he has a medical condition that forces him to eat this way. I’m just so tired with him not even being willing to try and continuing to eat like a 5 year old.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

SushiGuacDNA −  YTA. I have a general rule. Whenever there are two people and one of them is trying to control the other, the controlling one is almost always the a**hole. In this case, that’s you.

Now, I get that your boyfriend is ***odd***. That’s different than being an a**hole. In fact, he seems to go out of his way not to make other people uncomfortable. He didn’t insult your parents food. He didn’t try to control how they eat or what they prepare. That is the opposite of being an a**hole! He sounds like a good person. Odd but good.

Now, to be clear, I wouldn’t like this in a partner either. I might bell the partner, “This is all to much for me. I’m out.” That’s not a**hole behavior. That’s figuring out what works for you. It’s your controlling behavior and attitude that makes you an a**hole.

Appalachianwitch17 −  NAH. But y’all are incompatible. Leave him to his Kraft Mac and Cheese and find yourself someone who has a more adventurous palate.

offensivelypc −  YTA and it’s not even close. So you know he’s a picky eater, to the point that he doesn’t eat your dinner and makes his own without complaining.You put him in a position where he has to eat someone else’s food and you blame your being embarrassed on him for not eating it, and belittle him for it? If it’s that big a deal, break up w him, but if not your are the one who needs to get over it.

WebAcceptable7932 −  Actually it can be considered an eating disorder…
I get the frustration but honestly some people just can’t help it.  I’m picky and I hate it but I can’t move past it.  I’ve tried.

CatitoFla −  Should not get married. I seriously doubt he will change his diet. Moreover, with such a terrible diet, he is likely to have healthy issues in the near future.

Shuggabrain −  NAH not compatible unless OP can learn to live with it. I disagree that this rises to controlling behavior.

I had a college bf with extreme pickiness and told him ‘oh that won’t work for me long-term if we can’t try ethnic food together’ early on and over a year he tried more and more and ended up loving practically all of it and his pickiness is completely cured to this day – his family thanked me for giving him a reason to try foods outside his comfort zone.

Y’all are a lot older than college age and that ship has probably sailed to a large degree for him or his case is more severe. Not sure how you got to engaged without this popping as a major incompatibility but time to either accept this is how he is or exit the relationship.

Strange_Shallot8833 −  YTA. Plenty of people have sensory issues related to food and this might be ARFID. If he had a wide range of severe allergies you would probably feel equally frustrated but wouldn’t be attacking him for it.

So maybe treat it as though it IS a medical condition, especially because it is probably some kind of sensory processing disorder or potentially even some trauma related to food. Get curious instead of critical.

Puzzleheaded-Ant4893 −  NTA. Guess this is an unpopular opinion by reading everyone else’s replies and maybe i’m wrong here but… I don’t have a problem with him eating what he wants at home but I feel like he could have just feigned a little more enthusiasm at the parent’s. It may have hurt their feelings.

I don’t like seafood and I’ve been served it at people’s houses.I always finish it, as I feel like it’s rude and wasteful not to. Also even moreso since it was them going out of their way to make a vegetarian dish. Maybe you didn’t have to lose your temper but I get where the frustration came from…

lwillard1214 −  I’m not gonna judge, but I will share my perspective as a picky eater. I want to like more things. I really do. But smells, textures, flavors…. They all make a huge difference. If something is not appealing to me, my throat constricts. I physically cannot swallow. Sometimes the fear of gagging is enough to stop me from eating.

If I could change this I would. I regularly try foods I have rejected before. Nothing changes. I really wish people would be more understanding. Right now I’m experiencing serious repulsion of meat, but vegetables are unappetizing to me. I’m really struggling and really trying to work through this.
I guess I’m just saying that some patience may be called for.

Apart-Ad-6518 −  YTA. I’m just so tired with him not even being *willing to try* and continuing to eat like a 5 year old. Try what exactly? He was as polite as he could be. I get your parents did their best, but for whatever reason he couldn’t eat the food. That he seriously needs to grow up and *stop eating like a manchild*.

This is the man you love enough to have entered into a commitment to marry him. Repeatedly insulting his eating habits as childish isn’t helpful imo. Maybe he needs therapeutic input, idk. Or maybe you just have to accept that’s who he is.