AITA For calling my co-worker “chunky” after she repeatedly calls me “slim” and makes references to my weight after I asked her multiple times not to ?
A Reddit user shares a story about a workplace conflict involving comments on weight. The user, who is slim, has a co-worker who repeatedly calls her “slim” and other names related to her weight, despite being asked to stop. After enduring comments like “toothpick” and “you need to eat,” the user finally responds to her co-worker by calling her “chunky.”
The co-worker, who is overweight, becomes upset and starts crying. The rest of the small team sides with the co-worker, suggesting that calling someone fat is worse than calling someone skinny, leaving the user wondering if she should apologize. The post concludes by inviting everyone to watch the story below.
‘ AITA For calling my co-worker “chunky” after she repeatedly calls me “slim” and makes references to my weight after I asked her multiple times not to.’
I have a female co-worker who repeatedly calls me out regarding my weight. I’m female 5’9″ 115lbs and very thin. She is very overweight. All the time she makes comments about my weight. She doesn’t call me by name she calls me “slim” and I even heard her say one time “go ask toothpick” and she has said stuff like “you need some meat on your bones” & “you need to eat”.
I have only worked there 8 days. I have asked her very nicely to stop. Yesterday I asked her to stop calling me slim again and she basically said it’s her mouth and she can say what she wants. Today when she said “morning slim” I replied “morning chunky” and she got upset and actually started crying.
Everybody here at work, (only 6 of us total) is saying I’m wrong and I should apologize because being called fat is “different” than being called skinny because being called skinny is a “compliment”. I said as long as she calls me slim, I will call her chunky and now I’m the bad person.
AITA if I don’t apologize? The owner/manager has completely ignored the situation saying it’s “a high school issue and we should figure it out”.
EDIT FOR MORE INFO: We don’t have HR. There’s only 6 of us working here (cupcake shop). We are all regular employees.
I went to the owner BEFORE I called her chunky and I asked him to talk to her because I felt she was harassing me. That’s when he said we can handle it ourselves. That’s why I called her chunky. I told her to stop calling me slim and I didn’t like it and she continued to do it.
She didn’t stop doing it after I asked multiple times and I didn’t know what to do besides what she was doing to me. She brought up my weight, I brought up her’s.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Certain_Ad − NTA by a long shot. Just because she apparently defines herself by her appearance does not give her the right to define you by yours. Objectification sucks, period.
[Reddit User] − Gonna go the other way and say NTA. She repeatedly body shamed you and refused to stop after repeated requests. You flipped it on her and now she can’t take it? Boo f**king hoo. If a b**ly repeatedly punches you and you swing back, is that “two wrongs”?. Bring on the downvotes.
Edit: I get it, “bring on the downvotes” is douchey, I’ll refrain from that going forward. Also, when I said “gonna go the other way” there were only like 4 responses that were all ESH, so.
AnGrammerError − NTA – good for goose is good for gander. but protip – just call her back the exact same name she called you, within like 30 seconds or less of her saying it. Then she really cant complain. Plus, fat people don’t like to be called toothpick. So you still win.. NTA.
avast2006 − NTA – you asked her nicely to stop and she basically told you to f**k off. She doesn’t get to make passive-aggressive remarks and call you skinny names while hiding behind her weight. If she doesn’t want to hear about it she doesn’t get to bring it up herself, let alone engage in it.
ArcadianSol − 👏👏👏. NTA If you want to turn the conversation away from pointless body shaming, I’d change her nickname to something that conveys the crux of the issue: she’s an a**hole “morning, verbally a**sive stranger!”
[Reddit User] − YTA – should’ve said “morning whale” instead….. Jk, definitely NTA
[Reddit User] − Back when I was a skinny man, I heard the same kind of stuff you’re talking about, casually as if normal by people who obviously were not my friends or they would know I hate put down “humor”. Now that I’m old and fat, I hear about that too.
All of it is a power trip by the person doing it. They want you to be lesser than they are. You probably threaten them (by existing in the same environs as them) or you are seen as an easy target… bullies love an easy target, because they’re cowards with low self-esteem. They’re actually revealing how weak they are when they seek to insult you with nonsenses. Even her tears are a weapon.
OhSuketora − NTA and The owner/manager has completely ignored the situation saying it’s “a high school issue and we should figure it out” Manager is spot on with this observation lol.
griftylifts − I say this as a fat woman, who is very into the whole “respect fat peoples’ bodily autonomy” thing: you are NTA here. People who are recovering or currently suffering from Eating Disorders would find her harassment of you repulsive and possibly even triggering; which is a serious and insidious problem.
(Adding the requisite ‘fat people can also have eating disorders etc etc it’s not always visible’ disclaimer) You asked her to stop and clearly indicated that she was upsetting you, and she clearly had no intention of respecting the boundary you set. You gave her a dose of her own medicine, and she couldn’t take it. I hope she learned an important lesson and your coworkers come around because you don’t deserve this.
[Reddit User] − NTA, but all your coworkers+managers are. Does your company have an HR?
How do you think the user should handle this situation? Should she apologize, or is there a double standard when it comes to commenting on weight? What would you do if you were in her position? Feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.