AITA for calling my boyfriends mom fat at dinner?

A Reddit user recounts a heated moment at dinner with her boyfriend’s family after enduring months of body-shaming comments from his mother. In a fit of frustration, she snaps back with a harsh comment of her own, leaving the family in shock. Read the original story below to see how the confrontation unfolded and whether her reaction was justified.

‘ AITA for calling my boyfriends mom fat at dinner?’

Hi, I(22F) met my boyfriend(24M) about 2 years ago. We have a great relationship and get along really well and I could really see myself spending the rest of my life with him. There is only one problem… his mom (I will call her Mary throughout this story).

After almost a year of our relationship I really wanted to meet mary and my boyfriends dad but he kept pushing it off. Eventually he decided to set some things up so we could all go out to eat. When I first met his dad he was nice but I kinda got the feeling Mary didn’t like me.

Eventually as I started to get to know them more Mary started making really rude comments to me about what I was eating. She would say things like “are you really going to eat all of that?” or “don’t you think you should watch your figure a little bit, my son doesn’t like fat girls” etc.

I would laugh it off as a joke but my boyfriend and his dad never said anything. This happened every time we would eat with them and I started to lose my patients. This went on for months.Everything came to a boiling point at tonight’s dinner we had.

She started with her usual comments but something about this one comment made me lose it. “I didn’t cook a lot of food today so please try to restrain yourself. I know it’s hard for your kind”. She made me feel like some kind of child and I lost it.

I slammed my fork on the table and stood up and yelled “Maybe you should consider restraining yourself. Last time I checked this is the second plate you’ve gotten fat b**ch?” Mary and my boyfriends dad was shocked. Mary started crying and I immediately felt bad.

Before I could even say anything my boyfriend grabbed my hand and took me to the car and we went home. It was silent on the way home and I asked if he wanted to talk and he said “let’s just talk about it tomorrow” he then went to bed but I can’t help but feel bad. I need to know if I was out of line. So Reddit am I the a**hole for calling my boyfriends mom fat while at dinner?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Message_Bottle −  ESH. Calling bf mom a fat b**ch … yeah, sorry, that’s an AH move even if it’s true. Saying it out loud to her face is a deal k**ler, but who cares. Bf is an AH for not standing up to his mom long ago. Bf dad is an AH for being quiet during the insults, too. Bf mom is clearly an AH. Just split with him, he’s clearly not in your corner nor is anyone in his family. Bye bye.

Popular_Document1399 −  NTA. OP, your boyfriend’s mother is not only fat-shamer, but a total r**ist. Yes, obesity is a problem throughout the US, and her behavior towards you is obnoxious, disrespectful and disgusting. She got what she deserves.

Also OP, you need to reevaluate your relationship with your boyfriend, because until you told his mother off, not once did he ever defend you. I don’t think your relationship will last.

genericnameD1138 −  What did she mean “I know it’s hard for your kind”? Seems like something else is going on here.

torrentialwx −  A lot of people are saying E S H. I could understand that…if not for the ‘your kind’ comment of his mother’s. Girl, she’s a fat f**king r**ist. She’s lucky she didn’t get called something worse.

The fact that your boyfriend hasn’t stood up for you and then allowed his disgusting r**ist mother to make r**ist comments to your face—I’m so sorry, I hate the classic ‘leave his ass’ jumps people make on Reddit, but if he can’t see what his mother is doing and won’t stand up for you, leave him.

One of the nastiest types of racism is **ambivalence**. Your boyfriend seems ultra ambivalent. He knew she was r**ist when he tried to keep you from meeting her. So he knows his mother is a r**ist and he expects you to put up with it, because—and I’m so sorry—he doesn’t think you deserve respect.

And you do deserve respect. Not just because of the color of your skin but for the individual that you are. You deserve a man who will tell his a**hole mother that she is a r**ist and to shut the f**k up.

He will never stand up to her. He has no spine and does not deserve you in any reality. Please talk to him and help him face facts, and if he can’t, then leave his pathetic ass. You don’t deserve this treatment.. NTA

nan_sheri −  Ik you wanna give the mom the benefit of the doubt, but as a black woman me and you both know what she meant by that 🫤

imcitcat −  NTA, the fact that full grown adults think it’s okay to talk to younger generations like this is sickening. Though I probably wouldn’t have thrown “b***h” in there – I would’ve either been just as subtle with my comeback (ie – don’t you think it’s inhospitable to place portion restrictions on guests when you’re already on your second plate?)

Or I would’ve been blunt about my boundaries (ie – I don’t appreciate being talked to like that and I won’t tolerate veiled insults anymore. I’d like to get along for your son’s sake but I can be just as vicious if you continue). ETA – OH SO SHE’S R**IST TOO. Alright I’m officially rescinding the second part, calling her a b***h was well deserved.

BloxTD_02 −  NTA. Your boyfriend’s mother has been body shaming you for months while your boyfriend and his father have done nothing. When it finally boiled over in your incident in question, they continued to do nothing while your boyfriend gave you the silent treatment for the rest of the day. You should question what position you will be in your boyfriend’s life, is his mother more important or are you more important to him.

flamepointe −  Eh I chuckled. I think calling her a fat b**ch was a case of you not setting boundaries earlier. You should have said something milder sooner. Although rude I wouldn’t call you an a**hole so I guess NTA but just barely.. It’s hard to set boundaries.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. She shouldn’t dish out what she can’t stomach herself. What’s really amazing is how her rude and abrasive behaviour was ever countenanced in the first place. Don’t feel bad,OP. Every woman has a boiling point.

MercyCriesHavoc −  INFO: Wtf did she mean by “your kind”?

Do you think the girlfriend’s reaction was justified after months of enduring rude comments, or did she cross the line? How would you handle such tense family dynamics if you were in her position? Share your thoughts below!