AITA For Calling My BIL Out For His Weaponized Incompetence And Calling Him Pathetic At Dinner?

A Redditor confronted their brother-in-law during a family dinner, accusing him of weaponized incompetence and neglecting his responsibilities toward his wife and kids. The argument stirred tensions, leading to family involvement and harsh backlash from the brother-in-law. Was the Redditor right to call him out publicly, or did they overstep? Read the original story below to find out more.

‘ AITA For Calling My BIL Out For His Weaponized Incompetence And Calling Him Pathetic At Dinner?’

I (F 24) have a sister (F 32) who has a husband (M 38) who is the poster child of weaponized incompetence. They have 4 kids (F10, M8, M5, F3) and she’s pregnant. My sister works a full time job (40+ hours a week, cleans her entire house, cooks, takes care of all her children without him doing ANYTHING.

It is seriously mind blowing that she wakes up at like 4 am, cooks breakfast, does chores, gets all of her kids ready for school, takes them all to school and daycare and all he does is stay home and work and when his kids get home (after my sister picks them up of course) he will play with them for a little and play video games until he falls asleep.

she actually makes MORE than him! My fiancé (M 26) and i had to stay with them for 6 weeks while our home was being renovated and since we both wfh, we helped her and it is AMAZING how much happier she is when she has help. I helped with the kids and my fiancé even drove her to doctors appointments.

Her husband literally only acknowledges he is a parent when his family is around, then he is a god fearing, hard working, father of 5. he is the one that wanted more kids, she wanted to stop after her last baby but he “needed more boys”.

I am seriously concerned not only for her, but her kids as well because now her oldest is seeing what’s happening and trying to help but my sister is prideful and refuses to let her child do anything. Me and this man have never gotten along. He’s been acting like this since their 8 year old was born.

I’ve tried talking to her about leaving but she doesn’t want her kids to grow up in a broken home, and unfortunately her experience with our parents divorce was completely different than mine so she doesn’t understand that a divorce would benefit her kids here because she thinks they need their mom and dad together.

Cut to this past weekend, her and her husband threw a pre thanksgiving pot luck where our entire family + his was there. I stayed with my sister a few days before because i knew he wouldn’t help. So we’re at dinner all talking and i mention we are trying for a babyand my BIL makes an off handed comment to him about how hard fatherhood is,

and i snapped and said “like you would know” he looked taken aback and asked me what i meant and i unloaded on him, calling him a pathetic excuse for a man who makes my 8 months pregnant sister do everything for their family. i went off for a solid 10 minutes and he sat there shrinking in his seat. i left.

Last night my sister called me and thanked me for standing up for her and told me she appreciated me. Although today i got a very n**ty text from him telling me i’m a terrible person and because i “lied” in front of his family his mom is angry at him and is moving in with them to help her out and i’ve made him the laughing stalk of his family. He certainly thinks so, but AITA for doing this?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

involuntary_cynic −  his mom is angry at him and is moving in with them to help her out. Aaand it all becomes clear….! NTA

RattyHandwriting −  NTA. Text him back with “Truth hurts, doesn’t it, big man?”

Snarkandtea4me −  NTA… Someone is just pissy because he is being forced to put on his big boys undies. Edited to add, while your timing was not the greatest, he needed to hear it. Besides, isn’t Thanksgiving the time of year we all have big blow outs with a crazy family member??

kingdombyythesea −  Are you an a**hole for calling him out in front of everyone? Yes. Did he deserve it? Ab-so-freaking-luty. Final answer: you were the a**hole in the best way possible. Keep up the good work. 👍🏼

Beginning-Ice-1005 −  NTA. Not only did you speak the truth to a guy with learned helplessness, you also seem to have gotten some positive help for your sister. Seriously, if he’s that bad, he deserves to be a laughingstock. Maybe that will bring some more positive change, whether it’s his finally helping, or your sister leaving him.

Heraonolympia123 −  NTA; you sister and her MIL saw it as a true reflection of his behaviour and I hope he is embarrassed enough to pull his weight going forward. Little aside tho- your sister may not want the children to help but she should let them and even encourage them because otherwise she will raise 5 more of your BIL

rock-dancer −  NTA. Sounds like he didn’t like hearing the truth, especially if his mom is moving in to help out. Sounds like you might have catalyzed some changes at least.

moonebeam −  NTA. He had it coming.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. A marriage is a partnership and he’s dead weight. People like him only ever learn from the stick of shame. He’s using her as a broodmare. Five kids and will that be enough for him?

Purple_Sorbet5829 −  I’m going with NTA because it sounds like your sister is going to actually get some help. Maybe with your BIL’s mother there, he’ll be forced to step up and then when she leaves if he tries to flake out again your sister will have evidence that he’s perfectly capable to being useful since he was able to do it when his mother was there. Fingers crossed for your sister!

Was the Redditor’s public outburst justified, or should family matters like this be handled privately? How would you address a situation involving neglect in a marriage? Share your thoughts and opinions below!