AITA for buying my boyfriend birthday gifts? I am confused and upset
A Reddit user shared a confusing and hurtful situation involving her boyfriend’s reaction to receiving birthday gifts. She thoughtfully bought him a video game and a t-shirt, only for him to accuse her of being manipulative and materialistic.
He expressed frustration that he would now feel obligated to reciprocate on her birthday, calling her gesture a “dick move.” Despite her reassurances that she expects nothing in return, he remains distant. Was she wrong for giving him thoughtful gifts, or is his reaction unreasonable? Read the full story below!
‘ AITA for buying my boyfriend birthday gifts? I am confused and upset’
My boyfriend turned 21 last week and I bought him a new video game he had been wanting and a t-shirt. He started ignoring me and leaving me on read after that. I asked him what was wrong and he finally said it was unfair that I got him birthday presents because now he’s going to have to get me something for my birthday and that I am being m**ipulative.
I told him no you don’t have to get me anything for my birthday but I’d like to spend some time with you that day but he said that it was a “d**k move” that I got him gifts. He says I was trying to make him feel obligated.
I told him it is the thought that counts and that he doesn’t have to get me anything but that if he does, I’d be happy with just a card but he keeps saying he is unsure he can deal with a materialistic girlfriend. Was it wrong that I got him gifts? I can’t understand any more.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
unwise_watson − NTA. D**p him. This is disgusting behavior in his half. He is g**lighting you and he’s actually the one being m**ipulative. He’s turned your kind gesture into you feeling insecure, confused, and like you’ve done something horribly wrong. You deserve better.
Edit: Some of y’all responding seem to have a personal issue with the use of the word “g**lighting.” And I used it correctly, he made her question her own reality (her intentions behind the gift) and accept his perspective by guilting her so hard that she felt confused and awful.
Pickle-therapist-84 − NTA. Red. Flag. Red. Flag. This is a very serious warning sign. No one should be upset to get a gift and automatically think it is m**ipulative. My advice? Run fast and far before it’s too late (and return the gifts if you can).
Marcello_the_dog − NTA. He’s g**lighting you. Run. You will do better.
[Reddit User] − NTA. So let’s recap here. You buy him a game he wants, very nice. Yet he gets upset over it, completely shuts down on communication & calls you materialistic, m**ipulative & says it’s a d**k move? Yeah, I’m with the others. Run.
That’s a huge red flag. I don’t even understand this logic, especially the part where he said you were trying to make him feel obligated. That’s just…what. Treat this as a warming of what’s to come with him & give yourself the present of being free from that BS. That’s just unreal.
xpotential31 − Wow, you are NTA, and his behaviour is raising some red flags. What you did was thoughtful, and if he didn’t appreciate it then that is on him
RestInPeaceLater − NTA and honestly if he’s this distressed by a gift because it means he might have to do something nice for you… run This is such a red flag in the worst way. The very thought of having to think of a nice gesture on your birthday has sent him into a spiral. Ghost him
vinylaska − NTA. Also, d**p him.
Schobag − NTA – GRAB YOUR S**T AND RUUUUUUUN. It’s gonna be the best gift you can give yourself
charitymw7 − NTA. What the literal f**k?!. Dtmfa. The idea that youre obligated to get someone a gift or that you purposely manipulated thw situation is ludicrous.
MissMurderpants − NTA. Ask for the gifts back or d**p the guy. Or both. I don’t see this ending well and tbh he’s not worth your time.
Do you think giving thoughtful birthday gifts is a sign of manipulation, or is the boyfriend overreacting? How would you handle a situation where your partner misinterprets a kind gesture? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!