AITA for bringing attention to my parents favoritism of my sister in a public way?

A Redditor shares her frustration over feeling neglected by her parents, who seem to favor her older sister in everything from birthday celebrations to school achievements. Finally, after years of feeling overlooked, she spoke up during her dad’s birthday party, questioning why she never received the same support or attention as her sister. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for bringing attention to my parents favoritism of my sister in a public way?’

My parents have my sister Amy (17F) and me (15F). They always liked Amy more. I’m not sure why. I don’t know if I’m not their real kid or if they only wanted one kid and I ruined everything but they pay so much attention to Amy, show her so much love, support her in everything and I get nothing from them.

My support comes from a couple of extended family members and friends and friends parents. Examples; Amy since she was in elementary school got to pick what summer camp she went to and she never got told no for where she wanted to go. I was never given a choice.

Some years I went to the local free one during the day and other years I went to no summer camp at all. When Amy turned 8 she got a bedroom makeover and was given her own TV, a cool new bed, a desk space and a new computer and they put a mini fridge in it, all in pink to match her favorite color.

I still don’t have any of that stuff. The laptop I’m using now was a gift from a family member. When I turned 8 I was given used dolls from the thrift store that were from the dollar store (I saw them enough times to remember). Some were even broken with missing limbs or hair that was half pulled out.

My parents will buy Amy pizza or Taco Bell as a treat for “being a good daughter” and “being their special girl” and it happens at least 3 times a month where she gets it just because. I never get it just because. I don’t even get it for doing good in a test like she would.

They spoil her whenever she does good in a test. I never get spoiled. They told Amy they have money saved for her future. They never told me that. I brought it up to my parents before but they brushed me off, even when I cried. My mom told me to stop being so childish.

That’s why when my parents had a party Saturday for dad’s birthday and they started boasting about Amy and how great her grades were, I kind of lost my temper and asked about me.

I pointed out my grades were actually better than hers. But they never talk about me like that. I asked why they only talk about Amy. Why is she their favorite. Why don’t they care more about me. My uncle (dad’s brother) said out loud that I have a point. But stuff got awkward after and my parents yelled at me for doing that.. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Ladiesbane −  NTA. Not only are you not the a-hole here, your parents definitely are, sorry. This is not your fault and it’s nothing you deserve. A lot of parents have favorites, but most of those have the decency not to be obvious about it. Some families go through cycles where one kid is the golden child; others take turns.

Find your strength, love, connection, and belonging in other areas. You need those to grow and be strong for the remaining years you are with them. And try not to let it sour your relationship with your sister if you can. If you can’t, at least acknowledge that it wasn’t her fault, but theirs.

More unsolicited advice: try not to let their bad parenting make you a bad person. Some people never get over this stuff and it can make them more likely to engage in risky behavior (drinking, drugs, s** with inappropriate people, etc.), thinking “if I don’t matter to them, I don’t matter to me”.

Check in with yourself and if you see self-negativity, pull it out and remind yourself that you deserved as much love as the next kid, and you still do. Definitely write down all the examples you can think of — dates, times, who was present, whatever.

Narrative therapy can help solidify details outside your head, getting it out of your system and onto the page. But don’t destroy it. One day it might be valuable to you, to keep faith with your young self, to have a record of the truth if they every claim you are exaggerating.

I’m also not joking when I say this is fodder for future work: adult reflection, therapy with a pro, or literally writing a novel or performing stand-up comedy. Always keep the receipts. If your parents ever turn to you for help, you can remind yourself whether you want to put them in a nice retirement community or the kind of raisin ranch that shows up on 60 Minutes — or simply tell them to ask the daughter they invested themselves in.

VehicleCreepy806 −  NTA. When you’re an adult and ready to leave, don’t look back. Go NC with them and have a great life without them.  And if they see how successful you are and ask for a handout, tell them you have nothing to give to them. That’s me being petty, but they don’t deserve it.

INFO: what is your relationship like with your sister? You don’t mention it, but does she act like a spoiled princess and b**ly you or does she see that she’s more favored and try to make it up to you? 

DutchDaddy85 −  NTA. I don’t know what is going on with your parents, but this is definitely a form of abuse. Make sure to talk to someone at your school about this, like a counselor, they might be able to help you get some help, especially with planning your financial future with regard to education.

ArchLith −  The day you turn 18 leave and go NC, but first tell them you took a DNA test and are disgusted with your mother. No reason not to burn a bridge if it leads to a dumpster fire.

extinct_diplodocus −  NTA. They’re overdue for public exposure for private abuse. They’re the ones who introduced the subject of grades. All you did was reveal the truth. They’re angry because they lack any acceptable excuse.

PracticallySkeptic −  NTA. I was prepared to dismiss your complaint but it sounds serious: do you really have no college fund or bedroom furniture while she does? Do they really never praise your grades or reward you in a comparable way to sister? If so that is bizarre and inappropriate. Maybe discuss with the uncle who thinks you have a point, unless your parents are willing to listen again and hear you out. Good luck!

Marjan58 −  Just wait. Amy is going to s**ew up big time in the future. That is when she or your parents will contact you and tell you to help Amy. Of course, you should say No. Then you will get the “but it’s family” line. You should go NC as soon as you can, do your best to excel and try to make sure they never get your contact info.

Silaquix −  NTA. It’s called the golden child and s**pegoat dynamic in psychology. It’s a known phenomenon with no specific trigger. Sometimes it’s about half siblings or step siblings. Sometimes it’s about the s**pegoat being an oops baby or because the parents had gender disappointment and put all their issues on the child.

Sometimes it’s just that the parents are narcissistic shits. You need to go to outside trusted adults like your uncle or grandparents and explain exactly what’s going on in the household including the b**lying you described in another comment.

Start doing research and making plans based on not having your parents support in the future. Heck if you can get emancipated with the help of relatives that will go a long ways to helping you to get funds for college. FAFSA uses your parents income until you’re about 24 unless you can prove you’re not connected to them such as with an emancipation ruling.

TRACYOLIVIA14 −  Did they denied it ? I assume there is no chance you can move to another rleative !!! If you can’t then try your best working on an exit plan , looks like your grades are good so build your own future . But I have to admit I would also want to know why they hate you so much .

DinaFelice −  When people bring up a topic publicly, it is fair game to respond to them publicly. And it wasn’t like this was an event for Amy (when it would be fair to exclusively focus on her achievements, saving yours for another day), it was your father’s birthday.

And implicitly, by bragging about Amy and being silent about you, he implied to everyone there that you had worse grades than her. That was unfair to you, and it was perfectly fine for you to point out the discrepancy.

NTA. But of course your parents yelled at you… Their image of your family is the two of them plus Amy, but they know that isn’t socially acceptable. Therefore, when you point it out, it is embarrassing to them. And since you are their s**pegoat anyway, they believe their embarrassment is your fault, even though it’s their behavior that is shameful.

I’m sorry you are going through this. The only good news is that the vibe at the party got awkward when you pointed this out and your uncle defended you. That strongly suggests that you have family members who recognize how wrong this is, and hopefully you can start getting some support from them. Good luck!

Do you think the Redditor was justified in addressing the favoritism publicly, or should she have handled it privately with her parents? How would you approach such a situation? Share your thoughts below!