AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because we didn’t have enough s**?

A Reddit user found himself in a difficult situation after falling in love with his girlfriend, who later revealed she was asexual. Despite his initial understanding and patience, he realized that their differing views on sex were creating an insurmountable gap in their relationship. After much contemplation, he decided to break up with her. Read the full story below to see how this played out…

‘ AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because we didn’t have enough s**?’

We met 5 months ago and we fall in love fast, but after a while she told me she was virgin and wasn’t ready to have s**. I told her it’s okay we will walk through it together, but it was so long and it took everything from me. After we actually did it for the first time, she told me she’s not going to do it again, she felt so much shame and regret

I was understanding at first and tried to convince her, that I need s** in the relationship because that’s how I can feel close to you. After basically begged for s**, she came out as asexual, and told me that she doesn’t want to have s** ever.

I was calm and went home thought about it and in the next day I told her I want to break up, she asked if this was because she’s asexual and I couldn’t say yes. I told her that I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now and this is going really fast.

Check out how the community responded:

Lady_DubhBlossom −  If you need intimacy for a relationship and its not being met, it is a good reason to break up. Everyone has different needs from their partner and if its not working its better to cut it off sooner rather than later to avoid more issues.

However its also not a good thing to break someone else’s boundaries to meet your need. It overall hurts one or both/ multiple partners in multiple ways which can cause negative/distressed and hurt feelings to get in between them.

your weren’t being met, and she had a boundary that cut off your needs, it was broken, and a new one pushed. She most likely was putting herself down for breaking her boundary and learned more about herself and why she had that boundary and needed to put a new one up.

It seems like you both choose a partner that wasn’t a right fit. You may be in love, but relationships are about all parties able to respect boundaries, needs and have good communication for a successful and happy relationship.

trashsouls −  If she didn’t want to, I don’t think that begging her is the right play at all, just accept it and move on. And it was so long it took everything from you? Awful phrasing and doesn’t put you in the best light.

NTA for breaking up with her, just be honest that you think that intimacy is important, don’t make up a lie about it moving too fast because as soon as you move on she’s going to be hurt a lot more by finding out you’re lying.

[Reddit User] −  Lack of sexual intimacy is a legitimate reason to break up.
Rip the plaster off and get on with it.

Tiny_Plan_7382 −  You’re allowed to leave relationships that don’t make you happy. That being said- it sounds like you pressured her out of her virginity, and she is extremely resentful.. Hence, the not wanting to be touched by you at all. When someone tells you they’re not ready, then they’re not ready. If you were going to leave, you should’ve done it after the first No.

babyshrimp221 −  NTA for breaking up, incompatible s** needs is a valid reason to breakup. But YTA for pressuring her, begging, and not being honest about the reasoning. She said she wasn’t ready, and it sounds like you pushed her to change her mind or give in instead of respecting that. And “it took everything from me” is sus 🤨. By everything do you mean begging her? Do you mean the few little months without s** took everything out of you? Either way 🤨

britawaterbottlefan −  it took everything from me. 🤨

wmnoe −  NTA for wanting to break up.. ​ YTA for lying about the reasons. You should have just been honest and let her know that no s** is a deal breaker. You may come off as shallow, but at least you’re honest.

LemonTekSunrise −  My dude was so bad in bed he turned a virgin into an asexual 😂

FeralSquirrels −  So NTA for wanting to break up…however YTA for how you handled this.. We met 5 months ago. I told her it’s okay we will walk through it together, but it was so long and it took everything from me. I mean, this isn’t that long. She’s allowed to have a boundary and you can choose to respect it or decide it won’t work.

You don’t mention your age and I’m not trawling your posts/responses because I’m not a fisherman – but seriously, this isn’t “long” unless you need s** pretty soon after seeing someone, in which case fair enough. I was understanding at first and tried to convince her, that I need s** in the relationship

Why did you need to “convince” her? If you need s** in your relationship, that’s fine, but that sounds like you were pushing on her that despite how she felt, you still wanted her to try? I was calm and went home thought about it and in the next day I told her I want to break up, she asked if this was because she’s asexual and I couldn’t say yes.

I told her that I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now and this is going really fast.. Why lie? You want to be able to have s** with your partner, that’s not something to make stuff up about – at least be honest with her and just show some humanity and courtesy here as it’s _pretty obvious_ you’re full of crap if you’ve been _begging_ her for s** and she said what she did, and now this?

Be decent, be honest and open – you need s** in a relationship and that’s a big incompatibility for you both. If she doesn’t want s** that’s fine, if you do that’s fine, but you can’t be in a relationship together because of it.

Thatswhyirun −  Sounds like you nagged her into doing something she clearly didn’t want to. Then traumatized her. And are surprised that she identifies as asexual?
Sounds like you need to reflect on boundaries and mutual needs. Clearly this is a poor match. You’re not the a**hole for breaking things off, but it sounds like you could have been more graceful in respecting her needs and managing your wants.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in breaking up with his girlfriend given their differing needs regarding sex, or could he have handled the situation differently? How important do you believe sexual compatibility is in a relationship? Share your thoughts below!