AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend after she rejected my proposal twice?

After four years together, a man proposed to his girlfriend twice in the past year, only to be rejected both times. She explained she “wasn’t ready” but wanted to “make sure it would work.” Hurt by her uncertainty after years of commitment, he decided to end the relationship.

She begged him not to leave, but he felt the continued rejections showed a lack of commitment on her part. Now, friends and family are divided, with some accusing him of overreacting. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend after she rejected my proposal twice?’

Sierra and I have been dating for 4 years. I absolutely love her and felt like she was my soulmate. I knew I wanted to propose 2 years into dating, but decided to wait one more year so that I could get in a better situation financially. Last year, I proposed.

It was a private proposal on the beach where we went on our first date. She looked at me and said, I want to marry you, but not right now. She said she wasn’t in the right space personally to get engaged and to give her some time. That stung, but I was ok with it.

After all, I put off proposing so I can be in a good position, it’s only fair I give her the chance. It’s been a year since then and I decided to propose again. This time I asked our friends to help me set it up because I wanted to do something nicer.

We orchestrated a nice dinner and a proposal in front of a nice fountain in the city’s botanical garden. Everything was ready, dinner went great, and we went to the fountain. She saw the roses and everything and then I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me.

She teared up and told me “not just yet.” This stung really bad. I knew I wanted her in my life forever, but this is the second time she turned me down. I asked her why, and she told me the same thing as last year.

I asked her if someone was holding her back, maybe family or friend, and she just said “I just want to make sure that this will work.” This hurt me more than the 2 rejections. I told her if after 4 years she isn’t sure, then what the hell will make her sure. She asked me to give her time and I told her no.

I told her that I’m not gonna keep wasting my time and love if she’s gonna keep saying no. I told her that I can’t do this anymore. She began begging me not to leave and said “fine, I’ll marry you, just please don’t go.” That made me mad, but i didn’t say anything. I left.

My phone has been blowing up with some of our friends, her parents, and her telling me that I’m “an a**hole for throwing away a 4 year relationship because she said no, and that I was being a big baby. She just needs some time.” The other half of our friends aren’t on my side, but they’re not on hers either.

I don’t think I’m an a**hole for this. Did I overreact? Am I an a**hole? If so, how much more time am I supposed to give her?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Equivalent-Cry-5175 −  NTA Four years is plenty of time. You are perfectly right to move on. She can not expect you to wait for her forever. She hasn’t even given you a legitimate excuse as to why she can’t.

Honeyhwhite −  NTA: my first instinct is that she knows she doesn’t want to be married to you, but is afraid of being alone. If you had used to threat of a break up to coheres her into agreeing I’d say you were wrong, but it sounds like this is a deal breaker for you. If she’s not ready after 4 years, she’s not likely to be ready in the 5th either

Agitated_Budgets −  NTA. You read it right. If someone says no and only when you show a willingness to walk away says “Fine I’ll do it” that is not the one you want to have say yes.

Heal up and move on. You were never quite what you wished she saw you as. Oh, and learn the lesson. Do not do a public proposal. Not after getting rejected once. Not even if it’s the first time. Not unless you talked about it in advance and you know she’s going to say yes.

SundaColugoToffee −  NTA One NO is recoverable. Two NO and a “fine I’ll do it” under duress is not. You were right. And your gut is right, there is something holding her back.

Big-Channel4386 −  NTA. Pretty cut and dry. If the answer isnt hell yes, its a no.

GreengoddessH −  NTA. If she wants to get married she’d get engaged and have a long engagement. People do it all the time. I was in the “no kids not getting married” category. The second I started talking to my now husband I KNEW he was different and he’d be in my life forever.

In my mind it was life partners. Then I got pregnant shortly after. Then 4 years in he proposed (I was SHOCKED) THEN we didn’t get married until 3 years later. It sounds like you’re ready to settle down and she’s not. It’s painful but you guys can love each other and not be in love

oiler1996 −  NTA if after 4 years shes not ready to marry you then i doubt she wants to. When she asked for time after the first proposal she should have explained everything and said why she needed time, in depth.

You clearly were ready for marriage and wanted to take that step, after 4 years thats completely reasonable, move on and find someone more compatible with you. The fact she changed her mind about it after you left and then had friends and family messaging you and insulting you just means you dodged a massive burden by not actually marrying her

itstheirishinme −  NTA. I don’t know what she’s playing at, but after four years, it should be a yes or no. She seems to be holding out for a better offer- find someone else.

Schafer_Isaac −  NTA 4 years is plenty of time (depending on age, you didn’t list it, I might feel differently if you’re 18 and she is too) to know if you want to marry someone. Saying “I’m not ready yet” but not establishing *how* means, that even after the first time, she didn’t consider *why* she didn’t feel ready to marry you yet.

I think you went a little nuclear, and maybe its worth a conversation to see why she said that, but I wouldn’t go marrying a woman who, mostly in pity, said she’d marry you right after she denied your proposal, *again*.

She threw away the relationship by being unwilling to commit. (and even at that, being a fiancee itself isn’t *that* much more of a committal since not everyone gets instantly married)

kush_babe −  NTA. engagement is… exactly what she’s crying about? making sure it’s what you *really* want before taking the final step of marriage? I know, you don’t *need* to get engaged to decide if a person is right for you, but to me it seems like the last “are you *positive* you want to spend the rest of you life with this person?”

step in a relationship. her only saying yes to keep you around is *very* telling. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, you’ll find someone who wants align with yours.

Was he wrong to walk away, or was his reaction justified? Share your thoughts below!