AITA for breaking up with my FTM boyfriend because I’m not gay?

A Reddit user is struggling with the complexities of their relationship after their long-term partner, who is now coming out as a trans man, expressed anger when they suggested breaking up.

Although the Reddit user offered to continue financial support for their partner’s treatment, they worry that their lack of attraction to men may make it unfair to stay in the relationship. The user wonders if their response was insensitive or transphobic. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for breaking up with my FTM boyfriend because I’m not gay?’

I (M20) and my boyfriend (FTM21) have been together for almost two years. Recently, he came out as trans female to male to me and his closest friends. Since he is still only studying and his parents aren’t supportive, but I already have a job, I’ve offered to pay for his treatment.

Some weeks ago we talked and I told him that since I’m not into men, maybe we should break up. I offered to keep paying for his testosterone until he can pay for it himself, but he got angry and called me a transphobe.

Am I really a transphobe? I tried my best to be gentle and told him we didn’t need to break up immediately, if he didn’t want to, but just that we should probably start to slowly stop dating. Also sorry if some of these sentences don’t make sense, english isn’t my first language.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

faerox420 −  NTA. Bro telling an FTM person that you don’t want to be with them because they’re a man and you’re not gay is the least transphobic thing you can do. You’re literally validating their identity 😂

EntertainmentDry3790 −  Wouldn’t you be the opposite of a transphobe actually? NTA

SeaworthinessMain743 −  NTA: Of course you should be accepting of his s**ual/gender identity, but he needs to be equally accepting of your s**ual orientation. In fact, by stopping the romantic/s**ual aspect of your relationship – you are taking his new identity seriously and respecting it.

WilsonStation −  NTA you’ve been extremely supportive, to the point of financially supporting them. Them expecting you to change s**ual orientation isn’t right.

AnxiousTelephone2997 −  NTA. If anything, this should be gender-affirming (albeit it a bit sad). He’s a man, you see him as a man, and unfortunately you are not attracted to men.

You are allowed to not want to date anyone, and you are allowed to breakup with anyone for any reason. Honoring your own sexuality is a perfect reason to end a relationship.

Sorry-Analysis8628 −  NTA. The irony is it sounds like you’re embracing his new (or at least newly revealed) identity – as a man. You are romantically/s**ually attracted to women, and this person isn’t a woman. That absolutely doesn’t make you transphobic.

Creative_Room6540 −  As soon as he called you a transphobe while YOU’RE PAYING FOR HIS TREATMENT, I would have stopped paying. Immediately. It’s not even your responsibility to pay for it to begin with. Don’t get taken advantage of.. NTA

BunbunmamaCA −  NTA, my daughter went through the same thing last year with her ex.  She promised to give all her support but explained she was not gay.  You did nothing wrong.

nylonvest −  I think you said the important thing: you told him you’re not into men and this calls the future into question. You’re not wrong for that. And generally speaking when there’s a reason that a couple doesn’t have a future together, it’s right to call it a day and break up.

WarAcceptable3371 −  trans dude here; youre quite literally affirming his gender by saying “im not attracted to men and this relationship doesnt feel right anymore”. you are straight, you are not obligated to date trans men. you deserve someone you are attracted to.

he deserves someone attracted to him. its that simple. he has every right to be sad and feel his feelings, but he has no right to take it out on you and be rude.

Was the user’s approach respectful and honest, or could it have been seen as insensitive to their partner’s transition? How would you handle this difficult situation in a relationship? Share your perspective below!