AITA for breaking up with my fiancee for telling her best friend she was not engaded?

A man (27M) broke up with his fiancée (30F) after discovering she hadn’t told her long-time best friend, James, about their engagement. Despite James previously confessing feelings for her, she downplayed the situation and even excluded him from the wedding plans, claiming it was a family event.

When the man pressed her about not informing James, she stonewalled him, which led to an argument. In response to his ultimatum, she texted James in a sarcastic manner, claiming she was no longer engaged. Feeling disrespected and insecure, the man ended the engagement, though his mother called him an AH for overreacting. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for breaking up with my fiancee for telling her best friend she was not engaded?’

My now ex-fiancee (30F) and me (M27) got engaged 3 weeks ago. We’ve been dating for 5 years and I finally got the money to give her the wedding she wanted. Well, 3 days ago we were discussing our guest list, and I asked if she wanted to invite her best friend, let’s call him James (M30).

James lives in another state, but since they were friends for 10 years, I thought I could even pay for his travel expenses since it would be great to have her best friend at the wedding. She denied, saying that it would take a lot of work to bring him, and she wanted to be a “family” event.

Countless times she mentioned that James was like family to her, so I insisted, she got annoyed and said “I didn’t even told him we were engaged”. That took me by surprise, I tried to ask why, but she started stonewalling me, and I left her alone.

After a couple of hours, I tried to ask her again why she haven’t told him we were engaged, and she still refused to tell me, and I admit, my insecurity got the better of me. In the past, James had confessed he had feelings for her, which she turned down and basically friendzoned him.

But by the way she told me, it always sounded like she had him as a backup, something not only me, but her exes realized. She “married” him online, they always made they WoW characters look like a couple (like wearing the same transmog and s**t like that),

when she had a fight with her exes, he was “always there for her” and etc.I told her that made me unconfortable and if she was not planning to tell him, she might as well consider herself single, cause I would not marry someone who coudn’t be honest.

Yes, I was pretty immature, but she did something even more immature, she texted him while showing me her phone something like “hey, just so you know, I was engaged, but not anymore” and send it to him. I told her to pack her things and leave my house.

Ever since she left, she has been calling me, but I refused to answer. My mom called me (because she apparently called my mom), and said that I was an a**hole for ending things for such a “ridiculous” thing.. So, AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Miserable-Most-1265 −  NTA, there is a reason she won’t tell her “best friend” that she plans on getting married. I mean most women think getting married is one of the biggest things in life, and tells everyone she knows. Unless it will put a damper of something. You know boyfriends hate hearing their girlfriend is getting married

CaptainBeefy79 −  NTA. She wanted to keep her backup plan intact.

DoneOver69Position −  So your ex fiancee didn’t want to tell her boyfriend about you. Unless you poly sounds like a great reason to end an engagement.
If you want to confirm that she was cheating, offer to meet up with her for lunch.

When you get there, tell her if she wants any chance with you she needs to unlock her phone, and you read all of her messages between him and her on all media. I’m sure you will find more than enough to confirm that leaving is the best choice.

Wish-ga −  Op do you provide most material things, including the house? (Your post said “my house”). Are you paying down her school or other debt? Don’t let anyone use you financially if their heart isn’t in it too. Edit: know a man whose wife left him a matter of weeks after she graduated. Guess whose cash put her through college?

WeaverofW0rlds −  NTA- she loves him, and not you. The first chance she gets to monkey branch to him, she’ll do it. You don’t need any closure, and she doesn’t deserve any. If she denies you now, she’ll deny you later.

I have a cousin who lost his wife to an online Evercrack affair that turned physical. It’s not worth it. Respect yourself, because she sure as hell doesn’t.

FoxySlyOldStoatyFox −  You’ve done well to get rid of one woman who claims to love you but fundamentally doesn’t respect you and believes you should be eat s**t in your relationships. Sadly, you’ve still got another woman who fits that description – your mother – and it’ll be trickier to get rid of her. 

Agreeable_Squash6317 −  NTA. That is weird behavior to not want to invite your so-called best friend. She’s lying about something.

Iphacles −  NTA. Now she can go be with her backup.

Own-Writing-3687 −  She’s too old at 30 for this BS. Always judge people by their actions not their excuses or promises.  She knows her behavior was inappropriate and risked hurting you and breaking up – but did it anyway. And her text to her boyfriend that she is now available pretty much sums their relationship up.

Her behavior suggests she is not fully committed to you and has an inappropriately emotionally intimate relationship with him. She’s desperate to be married (biological clock) and will say or promise anything.   Once you are baby trapped she’ll resume her relationship with him.

MyDirtyAlt79 −  she texted him while showing me her phone something like “hey, just so you know, I was engaged, but not anymore” and send it to him.
My mom called me (because she apparently called my mom),

and said that I was an a**hole for ending things for such a “ridiculous” thing. Have you let your mom know that your ex fiance was the one that broke it off? She can even confirm it with her best friend James.

This situation highlights issues of trust, boundaries, and communication in relationships. While the man’s insecurities may have fueled his reaction, his fiancée’s dismissive and evasive behavior likely escalated the situation.

Was breaking off the engagement justified, or could this have been resolved with a deeper conversation about boundaries and respect? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the next part : https://aita.pics/OIKgc

Part 2 : https://aita.pics/Ckmmh