AITA for breaking up with my fiance before the wedding because he has a child
A woman shared her emotional breakup story on Reddit’s AmItheAhole** subreddit, explaining why she ended her engagement just before the wedding. She and her fiancé had been together for five years and shared a two-year-old daughter.
After finally receiving a marriage proposal, she was shocked to discover, through a direct message on social media, that her fiancé had a five-year-old son from a brief fling early in their relationship.
The woman confronted her fiancé, who admitted the affair and explained he hid the child out of fear that she would leave him. Now torn between her disgust and the desire to keep their family together for her daughter’s sake, she faces pressure from both their families to forgive him, while she remains firm in her decision.
Follow the full story below to understand her difficult choice.
AITA for breaking up with my fiance before the wedding because he has a child
I(25) my ex (27) met when i was 20. He was a bartender back then. We immediately started dating. He was cute and funny. We had an amazing relationship until 1 week ago. We have a wonderful daughter(2). We didn’t get married in five years because he didn’t want to. He always said that he’s okay with living together but he doesn’t want to get married.
I was not okay with that but i got pregnant. Pregnancy stress, baby stress etc. I didn’t think much about it. 3 months ago he proposed me. Out of nowhere. He was in a hurry. He just wanted to get married immediately. So we planned the wedding. I thought he changed his mind.
When i post his proposal on insta i got a message. A woman around my age dmed me showing his son’s pictures who is almost five. I was shocked and confront my fiance about it. I showed him the pictures and messages. He started crying. I comforted him almost 2 hours. Then he started to tell me about this woman.
They met at the bar he worked. (Our relationship was one or two week old by that time) he didn’t think much about it and slept with her. She told him that she’s getting an a*ortion but she didn’t get one. He learned that three months ago when she was back in town. He was scared that I’ll leave him so he wanted to get married.
I broke up with him and I’m very sure about my decision. But my and his parents are telling me that ‘Im wrong. We were new. And I can’t break up with him because of something happened five years ago’ blabla. I don’t know how many times he cheated because he didn’t think ‘we will made it that far’.
He said only once but i don’t believe him. I’m disgusted. I’m confused because of my daughter. He’s a daddy’s girl. I don’t want to make my daughter and his dad apart. Maybe I can just close my eyes and forgive him? I don’t know.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
JadedPin3925 – It’s not just about him “cheating while the relationship was new”… it’s also trying to rush you into a marriage to keep you from dumping him and hiding the kid when he found out… NTA
recyclopath_ says:
Also that she wanted marriage and he didn’t, until he could use it to manipulate her. He only does things that are good for him.
chinmakes5 says:
I’m not sure sleeping with someone when a relationship is a week or two long is disqualifying. at that point you were dating. Lying about a kid, not telling you why he wants to marry so fast certainly is.
FluxKraken says:
Exactly, I guarantee that has he come to her immediately after he found out about his kid and told her the truth, she wouldn’t have broke up with him. He instead hides the information (that she has every right to know), and tries to trap her in marriage so she doesn’t leave him.
Not only did he lie to her, and try to get married under false pretenses, he weaponized her desire to get married and used it against her.
He not only lied to her, he betrayed her. Over a maybe mistake he made when they first started dating.
Honestly, if I was dating a guy and learned years down the line that he wasn’t monogamous in the first week, I wouldn’t give a s*it.
No_Scarcity8249 says:
He says she told me she’s getting an a*ortion which means he knew he got a girl pregnant and hid it all this time even after having a kid! He’s been lying for years nothings he says is reliable.
Altruistic-Text3481 says:
I’m thinking the same that sleeping with another woman in a one week old relationship is not necessarily disqualifying. When he got the other woman pregnant, you two were “not exclusive” according to your backstory… only a just a few weeks into your relationship.
But the minute he found out about having another child, was not the moment to propose to you like a villainous cad in some Jane Austin novel. Had he told you about the other woman/kid, then that’s respecting you OP.
Because you are the mother of his daughter if nothing else! He isn’t respecting you here at all but rather b*llying you into marriage for his own needs. I’m thinking this is a bit of a red flag.
I cannot tell you what to do here, just be nice to the 5 year old child of the other woman. It’s not the kids fault. And OP, tell your boyfriend that perhaps a DNA test is needed.
The sudden appearance of a long lost child can also be a villainous character from a Jane Austin novel. Bride and P*ejudice.
Alarmed_Jellyfish555 says:
The fact he cheated on her, never came clean, and then never old her about his CHILD is unforgivable and no woman should ever forgive that level of betrayal.
But then you factor in that he tried to marriagetrap her just to make her feel stuck?! That’s so t*isted. And the chances that OP’s boyfriend only cheated on her a SINGLE time with ONLY one woman and managed to knock that woman up….Yeah, there’s just no way.
I have a feeling that OP’s parents are only trying to force her to stay for the same reason she’s considering staying, for the daughter. But staying with a despicable a*shole is the worst thing OP could do, both for her sake and her daughter’s.
No_Scarcity8249 says:
Man he tried to trick her what a major f over… tried to trap her… so she had no way out and make it that much harder. He never wanted to marry before and all the sudden he pushes for shackles when he finds out without telling her? Bye
This story reveals the complexities of trust and forgiveness in relationships, especially when hidden secrets come to light just before a major life event like marriage. The woman’s decision to end her engagement, despite pressure from family, reflects her desire to stand by her principles. However, she also struggles with the impact this choice might have on her daughter’s future relationship with her father. The story opens up a broader conversation about trust, forgiveness, and the weight of past mistakes in shaping the future.
What do you think? Should she give him another chance for the sake of their child, or is she right to stand firm in her decision?