AITA for breaking up my dads friendship of 14 years with one of his best friends.

A 20-year-old woman navigates a complicated situation involving her father and his longtime friend, Chris, who began making inappropriate comments towards her as she reached adulthood.

After enduring two years of disturbing messages from Chris, she finally confided in her mother, leading to a confrontation with her father and the end of Chris’s friendship with him. Though her father supports her decision, she feels guilty for the fallout, questioning whether her disclosure was worth the consequences.

‘ AITA for breaking up my dads friendship of 14 years with one of his best friends.’

Here’s a backstory, my dad ( 46 M ) and his best friend, we will call him chris ( 32 M ) have been friends for 14 years and some change, they met at work (chris is a cop) and got close ever since. Mind you, this friend of his has been in my life since i was about 6-7 years old. I am now 20.

Chris goes to every single family party/events so I am always seeing him, while under the age of 18 there was no really interaction between him and I. A simple hi and bye, maybe an occasional side hug but never really held a conversation. As soon as I turned 18, I was in a relationship already for a little over a year.

Chris had decided to follow me on instagram, saw nothing weird of it. I follow most of my moms friends on social media so I didn’t really see an issue with following chris as he’s been in my life for so many years and I felt comfortable with him.

Over time he would like my stories that I would post of myself, again I still didn’t really see anything of it. I would tell my mom and she would say to brush it off because chris is known to be a “weird” guy. whatever that meant. But that’s when the comments started to come into play..

he would slide up with heart eyes or make small comments about how beautiful I look and that any guy would be so lucky to have me. All I would really say is thank you or just like his message, I didn’t really know how to take the compliments nor did I want to engage any further.

A year later when I turned 19 the comments became more and more.. disturbing. He would tell me to sit on his face, that he wanted to put his kids in me, he wanted a family with me, trying to convince me to get into a relationship with him and that my dad would “learn to adjust to it”.

When id ignore him or leave him on read he’d send me constant sad emojis and ask why i hated him, if he was too u**ly for me, what he did wrong, why i didn’t want to be with him. I was too afraid to tell my parents because the last thing I wanted them thinking was that I was insinuating this type of relationship and or ruining my dad and his friendship.

This went on for 2 years until my 20th birthday this year in may, he made a comment about how he was my birthday gift and to go and see him at his home. That was my breaking point and i decided to tell my mom, at first she just kept saying how chris has always been a weird guy and to ignore him.

Until I told her all the explicit comments he was making, she get so upset and told my dad right away. My dad was absolutely livid.. he confronted chris over a phone call where chris told my dad quote on quote “i know it was wrong of me, that’s why i never spent the night at your place or else i knew i’d be tempted to do something”.

my dad told chris that he had thrown 14 years of friendship down the drain and had blocked him on everything. As did my mom and all of her friends, my dad also told all of his coworkers who then blocked chris as well. I can’t help but feel so guilty.. my dad reassured me and was so hurt that I didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell him sooner.

but i could also tell he was hurt for losing someone he considered like his little brother. Even tho this happened 2 months ago, i still feel like complete s**it and wonder if i would’ve never told anyone that they would still be friends and i would just deal with chris’ v**lgar comments.

i didn’t expect this many people to care nor read this but i’m just making some small tweaks to what people are asking. i did tell chris that my dad would not be happy if he found out he was messaging me inappropriate things and how i’m too young for him, chris would just say that the age doesn’t matter and if the feelings are true then why stop from trying.

i didn’t block him right away because i saw the man all the damn time, the last thing i wanted was for him to confront me in person or go out of his way to make another account to message me. for those saying why i never spoke up sooner, i told my mom immediately when i noticed chris started liking my stories and she was the one who would tell me to brush it off so i felt like this was just normal? as far as the age gap between him and my dad when they first because friends, honestly i have no idea.

i don’t ask him details about his life and friend choices, most of my dads coworkers are all younger then him and call him gramps or old man i guess there’s just more younger guys. and for the comments regarding my mom and if chris used to say things to her, he absolutely did.

he’d tell her how beautiful she is and how lucky my dad is and i’m sure more that she keeps from me but she did inform me that my dad warned chris and set a boundary, after that he stopped.(another note, after everything was revealed. chris told everyone that i led him on and made him think we were going to be something “real”) 😐

thank you all so much for the kind comments and support, i’ve gotten better about not beating myself up over this. also very sorry if my story telling is rough.. this is my first time ever using reddit. i’ll get better at it lol

(let me add one more thing. my dad is a ticket officer meter maid they like to call it and a security officer for concerts and what not) him and chris met when they were both security officers which is why chris was 18 at the time and later on became a police officer

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

ben_db ( Top 1 ) says

> “… or else I knew I’d be tempted to do something”
This sounds a bit rapey, you definitely did the right thing.

delifte ( Top 2 ) says

NTA – You did the right thing, and your dad clearly thinks so, too. He’s doing everything he can to protect you from this predator and put his family first.
There is nothing to be ashamed about. Be proud that you spoke up and your family protected you!

Signal_Violinist_995 ( Top 3 ) says

So, let me get this straight – not only did your parents support you and believe you and do the right thing – you think your dad would have rather not known? You are so incredibly wrong. Your dad is only sad because you didn’t tell them sooner – wondering what he did – why you didn’t feel comfortable about letting your parents know what was happening. They love you and support you. You have nothing to feel guilty about – at all. Hug your parents and move on with your life – don’t look back.

throwaway444441111 ( Top 4 ) says

NTA honey, not at all. Chris is gross and was sexually harassing you. Which as a cop he should know.The comment about not staying over so he wouldn’t do something is very concerning. If you hadn’t told your mother there’s a possibility you could have ended up in some situation alone with him or cornered at a social gathering putting you in an at the very least uncomfortable situation.

He ignored your clear lack of interest and continued to double down. He doesn’t care that you’re not interested.
You didn’t wreck your dads friendship. If he’s sad I’d bet it’s because someone he considered a friend ended up being a c**eep and that you had to go through this.
You may have helped save other daughters of friends from being sexually harassed as you were, it took a lot of strength to share this with your mom, be proud of that.

ExtendedSpikeProtein ( Top 5 ) says

Read after me: you didn’t end the friendship, Chris did. NTA.
He sounds like a disgusting creepy f**ck.

CakeZealousideal1820 ( Top 6 ) says

NTA he’s a cop I’d report him for the rape comment

[deleted] ( Top 7 ) says

Listen if those are his true colors your father is better off without him in his life. You did your father a service and also stood your ground. That sounds extremely traumatizing and you deserve support, not guilt. Tell your family about these feelings, communicate and everything will get better. I wish you the best ❤️

[deleted] ( Top 8 ) says

NTA – I’m 100% that your dad would have preferred to lose a friend instead of his “friend” acting in a disgusting way. Yeah of course ur dad will be sad but I’m positive he wouldn’t have it any other way

FeistyIrishWench ( Top 9 ) says

NTA.
Mom is absolutely TA for telling you to brush it off because Chris is just weird, etc. Your mom failed you here. I am proud of you and your family. And proud of the other circles around them who blocked Chris too. Post the screen shots with the hashtag #CallThemOut

Edit to remove “wee bit” part and replace it with “absolutely”. Because seriously, your barely-legally-adult child says someone who has been family-of-choice is behaving inappropriately, and you say ignore him? That is vast depths of the acceptance of sexist behavior. I wonder if mom & Chris maybe had similar conversations in previous years and mom never told her husband.

Numerous_Ad_2511 ( Top 10 ) says

This is not your fault. This was never and will never be your fault.
Fact this guy is a cop is gross. He deals with vulnerable members of the community all the time..icky!

I know this is a lot to ask of someone who has been harrased and abused they way you have by someone as conniving as him. But if you feel you can please report him so he can’t abuse his position further.

Please understand what he did is wrong and not your fault.
I think you could also very much benefit from seeing a therapist. This sort of thing needs someone much more qualified to speak to and assure you that this is not and never will be on you.