AITA for blowing up at my husband for messing with my alarm and causing me to miss my exam?

A Reddit user (23F) shares a frustrating and emotionally charged conflict with her husband (26M). With her final year of university in full swing, she’s been dedicating herself to studying, which her husband resents. After declining his invitation to a birthday party to focus on her upcoming exam, she discovers the next morning that he tampered with her alarm clock, causing her to miss the exam. The fallout has left her questioning whether her reaction was justified or if she was in the wrong.

‘ AITA for blowing up at my husband for messing with my alarm and causing me to miss my exam?’

Hello! I f23 have been married to my husband m26 for a year. I’m in my last year of university and been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming. My husband complains from seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore. I’ve told him it’s not gonna last forever and that I need to focus because this is my last year and it’s been the hardest.

The day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend’s birthday party. I refused because I was busy preparing for my exam. he pleaded with me saying it’s just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if I’m not there. I said no and shut down any further discussions. He got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it.

Before I went to bed, I set my alarm clock like I always do since I’m a heavy sleeper+I stayed up late studying. The next morning I woke up at 9am. I literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 am. I had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one, one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time.

I couldn’t believe it I absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right. He just stood there shocked from my reaction and my rage. I got dressed quickly and rushed to the university. They didn’t let me into the exam hall. I got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since I had no legit reason as to why I was late. It was awful is all I can say.

I went home and my husband and I stopped speaking to each other. He kept acting as if I hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling. And that I deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks. I might be wrong for not considering it but I think that my exams should be a priority and his way of “teaching me a lesson” was not right.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

JBR3196 −  NTA. Holy s**t, your husband wanted to actively ruin your future because of a f**king party you couldn’t attend? What kind of husband would do s**t like that. That’s so f**king petty. I think he deserved a lot more than just being yelled at. I would have kicked him out immediately.

dianaprince2022 −  NTA honey, I’ll be straight with you: your husband is abusive. He wants to control what you do and does not support your success. Please tell your place of study that you missed the exam because you are in an abusive relationship. Leave him as soon as it’s safe and DO NOT have a baby with this man.

TheTARDISRanAway −  NTA – He did this totally out of spite KNOWING it would cause you to be late to your exam. You are right, university doesn’t last forever and you will be able to go out and do more fun things when it’s over.
Might be worth reminding him that it’s actually going to be longer until you can do that now that you’ve missed your exam. On an unrelated note, if you just simply didn’t want to go that should also be fine? He doesn’t need you to hold his hand everywhere. He seems disrespectful of your time, your work and your autonomy.

cadmium2093 −  He punished you because you didn’t obey him. He tried to sabotage your degree (or at least passing a class) worth thousands of dollars… because you didn’t obey him. NTA, but I would be seriously reconsidering my relationship with a man who feels entitled to do this. I also wouldn’t trust him for a long as time, if ever again. Set your alarm on your phone and change your passcode so he can’t get to it. Make sure your bank account is separate.

mossydeerbones −  Jesus Christ, he sabotaged you. How on earth is this your fault? This is actually evil, immature, childish, conniving. You’re nta at all. How badly will this affect your grade?

Random_user_of_doom −  I usually hate all of the “get a divorce” reactions to anything but a man teaching you a lesson because you refuse to do as he says… Do you hear it yourself? He was willing to s**ew with your grade. Your future. Because he feels entitled to teach you a lesson. What if you get a job that interferes with his idea of social life? Are you willing to risk getting fired for his next stunt? So stay if you like but he must have learned HIS lesson for that. So whatever you do, make sure the consequences now are strong enough for him to reconsider next time.

naraic- −  That’s a divorce level sabotage of your degree.

b1lllevansatmariposa −  Oh, good grief. NTA. Consider a temporary separation until you get through university.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your husband thinks a party is more important than your academic future. Not even a party for someone important to you. *His friend. And when you tell him you can’t accommodate that, he takes it upon himself to punish you.

Do you have somewhere else to stay? If not, can you talk to your school and find out if there are resources available to you? He’s throwing red flags all over the place, and if you don’t at least make sure you can complete your remaining tests in peace, I’m worried you’re going to find yourself in a situation where you’re unable to graduate and are totally dependent on a guy who thinks it’s okay to bully you into doing what he wants.

sunkathousandtimes −  NTA. He’s sabotaging your academic future, which is also tied to your career. He’s doing this deliberately. This isn’t just about ‘you wouldn’t give me an hour so I took an hour because I’m upset’. It’s about controlling you and sabotaging something which could give you independence from him. It’s actually really, really serious. It’s coercive control, which is a form of abuse.

Any person who thinks they have a right to ‘teach a lesson’ to their spouse is a giant red flag. That isn’t how you resolve disputes. But he chose to do so knowing the consequences for you would be potentially disastrous – in my universities, you would have failed that exam and be capped at a failing grade even if you sat it later. Which would have a disastrous effect on overall degree results because last year counts for the most.

You didn’t deserve what he did and you didn’t overreact. This would genuinely be divorce territory for me, because he is trying to sabotage your future. A decent spouse is supportive of their partner doing things like education or work – he is trying to ruin it for you. It isn’t just about the party, he’s upset because you’ve been assertive and set boundaries and he hasn’t been able to control you.