AITA for blocking a man after he bought me a $500+ dinner?
You went on a first date with a man who asked for your favorite restaurant. You suggested a more casual and affordable spot but ultimately agreed to go to your favorite upscale restaurant, which you felt was too expensive for a first date. During the date, you both expressed a preference for separate checks, but when the time came to pay, he took your card and paid for everything without your consent. You felt uncomfortable, as it seemed like he was testing you to see if you would offer to pay for your part of the expensive meal. Afterward, you blocked him, believing that he was playing games and you were not interested in that dynamic. A friend told you that you might be in the wrong for blocking him.
AITA for blocking a man after he bought me a $500+ dinner?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
This story raises questions about expectations, boundaries, and communication during a first date. Was blocking him an overreaction, or was it justified given her discomfort? Share your thoughts and experiences below!
Is using a fake name not a test in it’s self? I’m not going to say you are or aren’t the AH in this situation. I’m just going to say I feel like there’s a bit of a double standard. Guys can be complete creeps. I’ve never been called or accused of being a creep because I’m the type of guy that sends ONE text message and that’s it. If you WANT to talk to me, you’re gonna see that text message and respond. I’m not going to feel entitled to a second date or anything else just because I agreed to take you to an expensive place to eat.
However, I MIGHT do something to test what you expect out of the situation. I’ve let more than one female pull out their wallet before saying “No, it’s on me”. As a male that often IS in a different tax bracket than whomever I took out on the date, I want to know if this person is going to feel entitled endless free meals etc.
These tests that women put men through without realizing that it IS a test will very quickly make guys like me who aren’t going to harass you, hurt you, or really even think about you unless you reciprocate feelings and actions; fake names and all that stuff run us straight for the door. I’ve been stalked by women, I’ve had many of the same uncomfortable and concerning stuff done to me by women. I STILL give out my name and all that.
My personal advice would be to get a concealed carry permit. If the government made it mandatory for women to take a firearm safety course and gave them a voucher for a pistol that they had the option to just throw in the trash, or go get a gun; sexual assault would cease to exist within 24 hours. That’s all a bit of a rabbit hole though… to get back to the topic at hand a first date IS a test. I feel like just blocking the guy without even speaking to him or addressing the discomfort was a bit of an over reaction.
You were willing to go on a date with the guy which means you WERE interested in him. While it’s too late now, in future situations perhaps consider the social contract that a first date is. Even if you don’t realize it, you are going to test this guy in certain ways. He is going to test you in certain ways. What you did is akin to burning your house down because your television broke. Sure, it fixes the problem because if there’s not a television left to be broken you won’t have a broken TV but at what cost.
He could have been a genuinely nice guy like me who takes mental notes on a first date knows when he’s being tested, and has his own tests prepared accordingly. Personally I’d have looked at the check and suddenly realized it wasn’t THAT much and told the server to give you your card back, it’s on me. However, me after a few drinks might decide I want to play a little bit of mental chess with you in good fun.
I’m that guy that landed most of the women in my life by being the quiet uninterested guy at the end of the bar who would call out AH men who were clearly ruining a females night out. A good few of those situations went from “Will you act like my boyfriend to get this prick away from me” to actually being my girlfriend. As I grow older (I am taken btw, I have the best girlfriend ever), I see younger women starting to just shut out the world because of one or two inappropriate men they have crossed paths with.
I have asked a few of them if they wanted to go to a concert or something with me b/c I genuinely didn’t have ANYBODY that could go at that time. I wasn’t interested in sleeping with them, but it’s annoying as a man who has traditionally had a lot of female friends that the standards of the era are if you show even a tiny bit of interest in spending time with them as a friend, it’s a sexual advance in their eyes.
Hence they burn down the house because the TV was breaking. It’s depressing what the world has become as a result of the me too movement etc. I say this as someone who was molested as a child, raped in adulthood, but still is willing to give people a chance. Don’t drop the blade on the Guillotine the second you have a question.
If you ask questions, and let someone know your boundaries ahead of time, you might find that your TV isn’t broken at all, you just picked up the wrong tv control.