AITA for blocking a man after he bought me a $500+ dinner?
You went on a first date with a man who asked for your favorite restaurant. You suggested a more casual and affordable spot but ultimately agreed to go to your favorite upscale restaurant, which you felt was too expensive for a first date. During the date, you both expressed a preference for separate checks, but when the time came to pay, he took your card and paid for everything without your consent. You felt uncomfortable, as it seemed like he was testing you to see if you would offer to pay for your part of the expensive meal. Afterward, you blocked him, believing that he was playing games and you were not interested in that dynamic. A friend told you that you might be in the wrong for blocking him.
AITA for blocking a man after he bought me a $500+ dinner?
I was invited on a date and he asked me “What’s your favorite restaurant?”. My honest answer was “My favorite place is a bit much for a first date.” but I did still tell him about it because, well, I thought he was cool and I truly love the place so I tell everyone about so they’ll go. I want them to stay booked and busy so they’ll stay open so I can keep going.
I said that for a first date we could go somewhere more casual like this cool Mexican spot between us that has over 300 tequilas in their tequila library but is still pretty cheap when it comes to food. Amazing tacos with handmade tortillas. But ultimately, he wanted to pick.
I was trying to be helpful and make suggestions. Also we live in different parts of a big city with terrible traffic that’s extremely car dependent. My favorite restaurant, on the other hand, is about $500 for two. I take myself there sometimes after personal accomplishments or just for a treat. Sometimes I go just to have one of their James Beard award winning cocktails (lol bougie af i know) and some apps.
Well this gentleman, upon researching the menu, decides this is where he wants to take me for dinner. He really wanted to try it out. Of course I agree! Despite the price point, it’s actually a pretty chill spot (don’t have to dress up) and is a great date spot (even a first date spot, if you’re in a different tax bracket than me but, as much as I knew, he could be).
For me first dates are usually inexpensive, considering you don’t know the person and the conversation is much more important than the meal. We have apps. We have drinks. We have dinner. We have conversation. We have dessert. We have a good time (from my perspective). This means we ran up a serious bill. Pay time comes. We do the check dance, sort of.
Of course, since it’s a first date I say “Oh separate checks.” (not that I don’t pay on subsequent dates, I just mean that first time when you don’t know if a guy thinks if a woman pays that means she’s uninterested). He also says separate checks (so cool, we’re on the same page). Basically at the same time. As in our words overlapped.
I won’t lie I hesitated and said it after he was saying it, because he asked me out and also insisted we went there after he read the menu and really wanted to try the food. (I really want to describe menu items but it’s one of those places that’s so specific and also the chef uses what’s local and in season so I’d kind of be revealing too much info).
So our separate checks come, no problem by me. I put my card down, he puts his down. When our server comes back to grab them, he takes my card, gives her both the checks, says he’d covering it all, LOOKS AT MY CARD INTENSELY. It’s not that I think he’s some numbers savant where he was stealing my info by looking at my card(though I have bartended for years and a d**mbass/genius who worked with me could memorize card numbers at a glance and then use them for online purchases til he finally got a felony).
And it wasn’t even his little comment of “Oh now I finally know your last name.” (which I of course wouldn’t tell him before). It was the game he played! He invited me on a date so I assumed he was paying. He then said separate checks, making sure I knew I was paying for myself. Then he grabbed the checks and paid it all (annoying the server and me).
I’m feeling like this was a s**it test to see if I would pony up to a $250+ each restaurant bill. I felt like he was checking to see if I was a golddigger or something, even though I’d literally told him we shouldn’t go there the first date.
The place I suggested we could’ve had tacos and tequila flights for less than $50. So, after I said thank you for dinner, I got in my uber, left, blocked him. I told one of my friends this story today laughing and they told me I was actually the villain in the story. I’m just not into shittest or games. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
KnightRider1987 says:
NTA. former bar tender, have had stalkers. once a guy thought he figured out my last name because he told me he spent all day at the local library pouring over old yearbooks looking for someone who looked like me with my first name. sucks for him i went to school on the other side of the country.
this behavior would have had me noping real hard too. Also if i try to pay and you wierdly insist on paying then congrats you get to pay. It doesn’t mean you’re e**titled to anything.
TwinStealth says:
This is one of the only comments on here I actually agree with! Honestly I think it’s the generation (born in 84) I was raised in or the fact that I was raised by a single mother that made this entire thing made me feel creeped out as a man! I don’t think OP did anything wrong either!
Unknown User says:
I’m 42 and in the Midwest. Can’t agree with you enough. Take my advice – make your circle smaller and smaller. To just you and pets if ya have to. It makes life so much easier. Thank God I stumbled into meeting my current GF. She’s amazing.
tinderstoryed says:
I completely agree. OP answered a question honestly when asked what their favorite place was, but ultimately they suggested an inexpensive place to go to.
She was willing to split checks which alone is a showing that she wasn’t too hung up on the cost, but it’s natural to feel hesitant when you’ve been invited out to an expensive meal that you would not have chosen otherwise.
As a general rule I always eat only what I can afford to, even when I’m out with someone who says they will pay for my meal, because I always plan to cover my own portion of the meal.
But, I’ve let people cover my meal before when they insist, just because I think sometimes it can be like a gift for them and it makes them feel good to cover it. I want to really reiterate this single point. He did not buy you.
Too many times women have meals covered for them, gifts bought for them, etc, and the man in the situation may feel this sense of entitlement to the woman.
Forget the money for a moment and there is nothing wrong with blocking someone you do not really know who looked at your last name knowing that you didn’t want them to and ultimately made you feel uncomfortable.
Add the money back into the situation and it shouldn’t change things at all because he didn’t buy you, and you’re under no obligation to respond to someone just because they paid for an expensive dinner
Pinksmileyface says:
A guy did the same thing to me. We were drunk and playing jenga. I was winning and said whoever wins has to pay for dinner. I lost and said I’ll get us dinner. We go to the restaurant and when the check comes and he sees me pulling out my wallet, he quickly hands the waiter his and proudly says “that was a test! I wanted to see if you’d actually attempt to pay” I never talked to him again, he asked why and I said I hate tests.
Jetsam21 says:
I have an unusual first name, where if you googled my name + city or state I’m the only one who comes up. I had ONE very basic phone call with a guy, normal, vague chit chat “what do you do for work?” “what part of the city?” yadda yadda and this dude SHOWS up at my work, my apartment, and my ex husbands house in a completely different town while leaving threatening voicemails about how he was going to sexually a**sault me since I wasn’t picking up his calls ONE phone call.
Only my first name. No company name, not what kind of car I drove (but in the voicemails he knew) not even the fact that I was married before. The cops were like “Meh, nothing we can do!” And he would ring my apartment buzzer that didn’t have my name on the mailbox in the middle of the night for months. So yeah, it’s a good boundary to have.
sagetastic74 says:
I’m so sorry that you’ve dealt with this so often that you have to use a f**ke first name. 💜 If you don’t mind me asking, how does the conversation usually go once you’ve decided they can know your real name?
LemonDeathRay says:
The fact he knew WHY you were withholding your last name, and seemed to manipulate the situation to ‘win’ somehow, is deeply concerning. He may not be a s**alker, but he shows a flagrant disrespect for your boundary (glaring red flag number one) amd a total lack of understanding about why a woman needs to have safety concerns that men simply don’t need. I would have blocked, too. And probably more than just blocked.
ETA: NTA
NTA. You communicated your preferences clearly by suggesting a more casual restaurant for the first date, yet he insisted on the upscale place. When it came time to pay, the situation became uncomfortable due to his contradictory actions—saying he wanted separate checks but then paying for everything without your agreement. It’s reasonable to feel that he was playing games, and if that’s not the kind of relationship you want, blocking him was within your rights. You deserve to be with someone who respects your boundaries and intentions, so it’s understandable to step away from a situation that feels manipulative.
