AITA for blaming my dad and stepmother for my stepsiblings thinking they would get a grandkid inheritance?

A 17-year-old girl is in conflict with her dad and stepmother after her stepsiblings believed they would receive an inheritance from their deceased grandparents. The grandparents included her stepsiblings only to maintain a relationship with her and her brother, but they received nothing when the grandparents passed away.

The girl’s dad and stepmother are upset, blaming her and her brother for not supporting their stepsiblings, but she insists her extended family is her priority. She argues that her dad and stepmother misled the stepsiblings about their status. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for blaming my dad and stepmother for my stepsiblings thinking they would get a grandkid inheritance ?’

My dad and stepmother got married when I (17f) was 7 and my brother (19m) was 9. My stepmother had two kids of her own who were 2 and 4 at the time. Our other parents are dead. Their dad and my mom. Their dad died while my stepmother was pregnant. My mom died 19 months before dad remarried.

The only extended family my brother and I had was our mom’s side and when dad remarried he insisted my stepsiblings had to be included or they couldn’t see us. Grandparents rights were not available at the time so my grandparents agreed but they made it clear to dad they were only including our steps because they loved us and wanted to see us.

So whenever we saw our grandparents, my stepsiblings did, and they grew really attached despite my grandparents never feeling any different. My stepsiblings were a way to see my brother and me, not more grandkids or family in any way to my grandparents. It was the same for the rest of my extended family.

They were treated fine but they were never loved or wanted. Grandpa died in 2020 and my grandma died a month ago. Grandpa’s funeral was done over zoom but grandma’s wasn’t. My stepmother tried to send my stepsiblings up to the grandkid section at the funeral but an aunt and uncle stepped in and said it was only for grandkids.

After the (non religious) service each grandkid got our “grandkid inheritance” which was a lovingly made memory book that our grandparents did for us and had entries up until the day before grandma died.. My stepsiblings got nothing. This devastated them and there has been an atmosphere ever since.

My dad and stepmother are furious and went crazy on my aunts and uncles about letting it happen. Then my dad told me I needed to show some sibling love and loyalty and take a stand against my extended family but I refused. My dad told me that wasn’t okay and that I could not be so s**fish. My stepmother said I owed it to my stepsiblings.

I told them none of this was my fault and I would not turn away from my family over it. They said I was by choosing my extended family. I told them they are my family. I will not push them away. They said it was cruel what they let happen. I said it was their (dad and stepmother’s) fault in the first place.

I told my stepmother she knew my grandparents only included her kids because they wanted to see me and my brother and that dad had made them do it. I said they should never have let the kids believe they were grandkids to my grandparents.

They were the cruel ones knowing my family had never loved the kids. And I said I would not stand against my family over this. They flipped over me blaming them and they said my brother and I lacked empathy and compassion like our extended family did.. AITA?

Check out how the community responded:

ironchef8000 −  INFO – the “inheritance” is a memory book. That’s very sweet and sentimental. And unlike money, it can’t just be redivided or shared. How are you being s**fish? How are you supposed to “take a stand”? Against whom? How? For what, something sentimental your grandparents made for you? I’m so confused.

hubertburnette −  I feel really sorry for your stebsiblings, but this is 100% the fault of your father and stepmother. They lied to their kids for years, and the lie came out. And now they’re mad at everyone but them. They were the liars.

Apprehensive_War9612 −  NTA. Essentially your dad held you and your brother hostage and forced your grandparents to accept and entertain the children of the woman who married their son in law, not even 2 years after their daughter’s d**th. What a horrible thing to do. This mess is entirely you dad & step moms fault. Did they also force you to call her mom?

dryadduinath −  NTA. I’m with you on this; dad messed up. He made it incredibly difficult for your grandparents to form any real relationship with the kids, since he was using you as a cudgel to force them in where they weren’t welcome, and also gave the kids an expectation of a relationship that never really had a reason to exist.

The kids didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your extended family didn’t do anything wrong. Your dad and stepmom managed to engineer the worst situation and they’re blaming everyone else for it.

It is *rich* to tell someone they can’t see their departed daughter’s children unless they also see her husband’s new stepkids and then turn around and accuse *you* of lacking empathy and compassion. . I’m sorry for your loss. 

Logical_Read9153 −  I know that you are not going to like what I have to say but I feel so bad for your step siblings. They have loved your grandparents from such young ages and when they had been growing up they would not understand the dynamics of everything going on.

I have a step grandmother, and though we have a great relationship and we are close there have been a few times she called me stepgrandraughter and it killed me.

Current_Permit1589 −  NTA  inheritance had nothing to do with whether they were real grandchildren. It’s up to their grandparent wish. There must be a reason if the grandparent refuses to include their step-grandchildren’s inheritance. No one can judged. Your dad and stepmother are AH getting you involved in this situation. They need to get over with.

Leather_Persimmon489 −  INFO: what did your stepmother’s ex’s parents give you for your last birthday? They’re your step siblings’ grandparents by your dad’s logic, should be yours too

TopAd7154 −  NTA. Your dad and stepmother are being ridiculous. And you’re right; they have nobody to blame but themselves. 

Only-Ingenuity7889 −  This is all their creation and I hope you gently explain your side to the step siblings.  NTA. Those books sound like such an amazing gift of love.  You and your brother might want to keep yours safe at an aunt/uncle’s house until you move out, as they are irreplaceable.

tigerz0973 −  NTA. My heart breaks for all of you kids, you lost your mother and your mothers family were blackmailed into seeing your step bro/sis in order to keep contact with you.

I guess your dad stepmom thought that your family would learn to love an accept the kids but that’s not gonna happen when they are being forced into it. You dad and stepmom have caused so much damage to you all.

Family dynamics can be complex, especially when blended families are involved. What do you think? Share your thoughts below!