AITA for being upset with my MIL and crying in front of her for taking my son to see Santa before us when she knew I wanted to enjoy all the firsts?

A Redditor shared their emotional experience after discovering their mother-in-law (MIL) had taken their infant son to meet Santa, knowing it was a “first” the user and their husband had planned to do together. This moment was especially meaningful as their son is their only child due to complications during birth.

Despite discussing the planned Santa visit with MIL beforehand, she took the baby during what was supposed to be a shopping trip. When confronted, the MIL dismissed the user’s feelings as manipulative, claiming it was a normal “grandma” moment. The situation has led to tension and hurt feelings. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for being upset with my MIL and crying in front of her for taking my son to see Santa before us when she knew I wanted to enjoy all the firsts?’

My husband and I (both 33) had our son a few months ago. We tried to have a baby for years and we’re so incredibly thankful to have him, but he is for sure our only child. I can no longer have children after the complications surrounding his birth.

This means all the firsts to me are more special and I have spoken about that with friends and family. My MIL has always been so lovely and supportive through this and I told her I had booked a visit to Santa for this weekend so my husband and I can take him together and enjoy this first with him.

Last week she asked if she could have our son for a few hours to take him shopping. She knew I had a couple of appointments and she said she wanted some grandma and grandbaby time. I said sure. She brought him back three hours later and said things had been good.

Two days after she had our son we saw a photo of her with him taking him to meet Santa. I admit to crying when I saw. We haven’t taken him yet. She knew that. We even talked about it before she left with him. My husband called up his mom and asked what the photo was and why she’d taken him. She told him she’d wanted to get some photos of the two of them and to document a special grandma and grandbaby day.

She ended up coming over and asking why my husband was acting like she did something wrong. He said she did. That she knew how much we wanted to take him first. She said to let grandma enjoy a first of his and I cried. MIL accused me of trying to manipulate her into feeling bad for something totally normal.

I told her I can’t believe she’d do it when she knows I won’t get to do any of this again. She said I had no right to be upset with her when I said she could take him for the few hours. I said she only mentioned shopping and she knew we had it planned and booked. She said it wasn’t something I should be crying over and to just enjoy what I get. I ended up leaving the room.

She complained to my husband but he shut her down and told her she knew I was still coming to terms with how bad things had been during our son’s delivery and how I wanted to make the most of every moment and to be present for those firsts. He said she should understand and be helping with that instead of being so underhanded. She’s saying I’m m**ipulative with my reaction and don’t have any business being upset with her.. AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Positive-Light243 −  NTA. MIL knew exactly what she was doing, and that’s why she hid it from you. You drew a very clear boundary and she stomped on it intentionally. Your husband is doing a great job of putting her in her place and if she cannot acknowledge her wrong doing then she will lose grandma privileges. It’s as simple as that.

Angelz80 −  NTA – Your MIL knew exactly what she was doing or she would not have hid it. She didn’t mention it when picking up your son, didn’t mention it when dropping him off nor before posting the pictures. She’s the grandma, not mom, she needs to step back and respect YOUR boundaries as his mother. Someone seems jealous. I’d be very careful with her in the future and taking more firsts from you both. 

Delicious-Editor-993 −  NTA. “She said it wasn’t something I should be crying over and to just enjoy what I get. “…… OP, this is NOT the last first she will steal from you. Hence, her saying enjoy what you’re able to get with YOUR CHILD. What’s next? Baby’s first haircut? Easter bunny photo? She knew exactly what she was doing. Obviously, she is one of those grandmothers who think they and what they want with/ for their grandchild is most important, and you, as the mother, take a back seat.

I would strongly suggest LC for right now, and you and your husband have a very serious, detailed conversation regarding boundaries with this woman. Then discussing as a united front, making it VERY clear that if she doesn’t respect your boundaries, she will not be part of your lives at all.

whatsa1pick −  NTA, MIL did this intentionally and seems like a major problem. At least your husband stood up for you. Don’t give her any more alone grandma grandbaby time if she’s going to go out of her way to do things with him first.

Eastern-Eggplant4374 −  NTA. No one asks to take a very young infant SHOPPING for some quality time. This was straight up planned. Kinda surprised you agreed to her taking him anywhere just for safety reasons. I wouldn’t let her take him anywhere again for a very long time. My MIL is similar.

RutabagaCurious3279 −  NTA. She disregarded your feelings and is now trying to rug sweep it. You are not overreacting. Maybe the first Santa Claus visit isn’t a huge deal, but the betrayal of trust and disregard for your boundaries is HUGE. Please do keep your Santa visit though. I think you still need that memory. Don’t let her immaturity stop you from this.

MoroseAngryPanda −  Hope she enjoyed that first and that unsupervised grandbaby time because it’s the only time I’d give her for the foreseeable future. And by for the foreseeable future, I mean until I forget that picture. She owes you a massive apology. MASSIVE.

And I can’t believe that she doesn’t see that and isn’t playing the long game here. She doesn’t realize with your reaction and doubling down that you’re (hopefully) going to cut her grandbaby time off. At least unsupervised time.

I’d give her an egg timer for Christmas. Mark the five minute notch and when she asks why, tell her that’s all the time she’s going to get for any visit for the rest of your baby’s childhood. But I’m petty AF. Make a big show of turning that egg timer when she holds the baby and take the baby when it goes off.

Don’t let her have the baby again the rest of the visit. Make sure she REALLY cherishes that special grandma/grandbaby time. You could even offer to take a picture with a Santa in the background to make sure she remembers the occasion if that’s what it takes to make the day special.

Lost_Shake_2665 −  NTA. I spent a year reading The Hobbit to my three boys in anticipation of the movie coming out. We talked about how awesome it will be to see it and wondered how they would use special effects. My husband and I split that summer.. He took them to see the movie.. I will never get that back.. It’s been 12 years.. It still upsets me.

Irishwol −  He won’t remember. Take comfort. At that age he won’t even react to the strange, hairy face man and scream the place down. Technical ‘firsts’ matter a lot less than actual, happy memories you will make together: memories your pushy MiL won’t be part of with any luck.

United-Manner20 −  NTA and just like that, she’s no longer to be around him unsupervised….