AITA for being upset I was ditched during and after my own wedding?

A woman is hurt that her husband left her alone during their vow renewal party, despite agreeing to stay by her side. Most attendees were his friends, and she ended up spending the night alone, even after expressing her wish to go home with him.

Instead, he went out with his family and friends to a bar. The next day, he dismissed her concerns, blaming her for not staying with him. Now, she’s questioning if her feelings are valid. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for being upset I was ditched during and after my own wedding?’

It was actually a vow renewal, we got legally married last year with just us there no family or friends, so just now got the “party” all planned. We had a really short ceremony at the beginning and then partied!

I specifically asked him to please stay with me and to hang out with me as we mingled around because I know how he gets around his friends and usually I hang by myself if they are around. And he’s like “yeah of course we will go around together”. That didn’t happen.

He took off and was gone and I legit spent the majority of party standing by myself. ( 98% of the people there were his) Then at the end of the night it was over around 9 so fairly early, there was a plan at some point, a lot of the attendees, were going to go out to a bar to which he decided he was going.

I wanted to go home, with him, and have our “wedding night” . This was absolutely not acceptable to him because “his family was in town and going to go out too” So, I stayed home by myself and went to bed while he went out to the bar.Next day, I’m upset of course and he keeps asking me why, what did he do?

Like how did he not know? When I explained, it got pushed back on me that I should have kept up with him and he found me 1 time outside when I was trying to cool down cause I was super hot. So he keeps bringing that one time I “left” and he found me outside.

Then told me that I was making stuff up and I wasn’t alone and that if I was it was my fault.. So, is it my fault? AITA? Adding… for people who have to know where my people are… as if it matters one way or another. My Dad is dead, my mother has Alzheimer’s and was unable to attend.

Yes my sister was there and my adult nieces and a friend. That’s what I had. And honestly who was there isn’t the issue just added in the original post to give context that it was mostly his friends. I am an introvert and have social anxiety, but can handle and deal when needed.

And no, I wasn’t sitting in a corner all night “poor me” I was out and about. Just by myself. Not with my husband. Every wedding I’ve been to the bride and groom kinda mingle around the majority of the night together of course there are times they are on their own. So that is how I was expecting things to go. Not completely in reverse.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Diligent_Hedgehog999 −  Gurl. Get out now. If that is how he behaved at your wedding celebration, it is only going to get worse.. NTA.

Famous_Specialist_44 −  NTA for being upset that you spent your wedding night alone whilst your husband partied in a bar. Its even worse that it was a vow renewal because you were doubling down on being wed so soon after the ceremony. And why was it over by 9? And, where were your friends eh? 

Fickle_Pickle_3452 −  NTA. He abandoned you pretty clearly and right away. Got caught up in the moment and went galavanting off with friends and family. The fact that you didn’t want to go to a bar and he still went, is wild. Truly. The s**tty manipulation tactics the next day are the biggest red flag.

He knows what he did and wants to get away with it by finding any tiny possible fault in your logic (ie, finding you outside). I’m curious, how clear were your expectations of “mingling together” with him? What does that look like for you? And did you share that with him? Were you willing to compromise on those at all?

Own_Pianist6338 −  ESH. I’m sorry, but why throw a party to socialize if…you didn’t want to socialize? Where were your friends and family? If my family and friends rallied around to celebrate me, I wouldn’t be attached to my partner all night. It was his night to have fun, too.

You had all year to celebrate “wedding night” and be home by 9:30pm. Wasn’t this an occasion for others? Sounds like you have some serious dependency or insecurity issues to sort though.

No_Mud5383 −  NTA, if anything I’d be questioning what he was doing at that bar on his wedding night… surely he must have shown these a**ndonment signs earlier in the relationship… I would have left him before the marriage, but if he can’t understand what he did wrong I’d quickly divorce him before children get involved.

If it’s so easy to abandon you on your wedding night, thing of what he will do if you get pregnant. (hint: ABANDON YOU). It may sound harsh but leave while you still can. This isn’t just some small issue. At least go to a counselor about it, but I’d leave him if he truly does not understand why what he did was wrong.

Appropriate_Buyer401 −  I think I’m going against the grain here, but gentle YTA. we got legally married last year with just us there no family or friends
This makes sense. So you got married with just you two, presumably because you wanted to be alone with your husband? I think that that’s very sweet and intimate.

We had a really short ceremony at the beginning and then partied! I specifically asked him to please stay with me and to hang out with me as we mingled around because I know how he gets around his friends and usually I hang by myself if they are around. And he’s like “yeah of course we will go around together”.

That didn’t happen. He took off and was gone and I legit spent the majority of party standing by myself. ( 98% of the people there were his) This is where it starts feeling AH. You spent the majority of the party standing by yourself… is that because you couldn’t find your husband?

You couldn’t talk with any friends or family, even if they were his or the 2% that are yours? I am a HUGE introvert, so I understand that social events can be uncomfortable sometimes, but it sounds like you expected your husband to babysit you.

You guys can co-mingle together for the majority of the party, but I think you may have had unrealistic expectations, unless when you say that he is “gone” you mean he left the venue/ party? Or is “gone” that he is a few tables away and you chose to not join him because you expected him to proactively guide you?

It’s the norm that the bride and groom not spend every moment together as they are meant to mingle with guests. You would spend some of the wedding together, but there’s usually an expectation that you guys also talk to people independent. There’s a natural flow and direction as the day goes on.

Then at the end of the night it was over around 9 so fairly early, there was a plan at some point, a lot of the attendees, were going to go out to a bar to which he decided he was going. I wanted to go home, with him, and have our “wedding night” . Gently, you already had your wedding night.

You stated that you guys got married a year ago alone. This is for your friends and family. It’s reasonable if you don’t want to go out, but it doesn’t seem fair that you expect your husband to not spend as much time as possible with his friends and family since this is the friends and family wedding.

You can absolutely correct me because I am reading between lines here and could be wrong, but it sounds like you wanted a wedding without friends and family- just you two and so you got it.

Now this is the wedding for friends and family, but you wanted your husband to spend the entire family/ friends wedding without you guys separating to entertain different guests and then he was not supposed to go out after unless you also went out? It sounds very codependent.

Like your husband is not allowed to talk to anyone or spend time with anyone unless you are there, but you also do not want to be there. Instead of blaming him and telling him “how did he not know”, I think you guys need to discuss your social expectations and needs.

You being an introvert is valid, but so is him being an extrovert. Your introversion doesn’t trump his extroversion and vice versa. You are very focused on your needs here, but I wonder if there was a solution that allowed him to have fun while you got to be introverted, like him going out to the bar with everyone afterwards. It feels like there was the potential for compromise here.

truly-diy20 −  ESH.. him for obvious reasons but at the same time, you do get it was a party to be with friends and family right? If you want to be just with him then plan a date night not a party.. and youre the one that didnt want to join everyone to continue the party… are you usually this n**dy and such a party pooper?

Everyone is having such a great time they want to continue hanging out aand youre sotting in a corner wallowing in your own pitty instead of having fun.. no one excluded you, ypu did that yourself

omeomi24 −  You had it all planned in YOUR mind – he would stay at your side all evening…you would go home together for a romantic night…etc. But when two people are involved – and guests as well…

sometimes you go with the flow. If you were standing by yourself it’s because you refused to move around and interact with the guests. Going home rather than going ‘out’ with your husbands and INVITED guests looks like you were pouting.

exceptyoustay −  Unpopular but YTA. If you didn’t want to socialize, you shouldn’t have had a party. I’ve been in relationships before where I felt like I always had to be the social ambassador and it gets exhausting. Why didn’t you mingle and talk to people and have fun?

Why didn’t you go out with everyone afterwards? It sounds like you weren’t willing to meet him half way.

GhostParty21 −  EDIT: YTA. If you were “out and about” amongst the guests then you were not “by yourself”. You guys already had a private wedding with just the two of you. You already had your wedding night. The purpose of this second wedding/renewal was to celebrate with friends and family.

Yet you didn’t want to actually do that, chose to barely invite anyone, and got mad at your husband for actually engaging with the guests. You already had the intimate, quiet wedding that suited your needs and wants.

And then when it was time to have the wedding that suited him you were a self-centered party pooper. You married a social extrovert and then got upset at him for being social and extroverted at a social event.. INFO:  I legit spent the majority of party standing by myself.

( 98% of the people there were his)  Why didn’t you mingle with and speak to guests? Why weren’t your family and friends there?

Was her frustration justified, or did she overreact? Share your thoughts below!