AITA for being ungrateful and not eating the brownies my gf made for me?

A Reddit user recounts a tense moment with their girlfriend, who lovingly baked vegan brownies for them, only to discover they couldn’t handle the chewy texture.

Despite expressing gratitude and trying a bite, their reaction upset her, leading to an argument and hurt feelings. Now, the user wonders if they were ungrateful for their honest response. Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for being ungrateful and not eating the brownies my gf made for me? ‘

Yesterday my gf surprised me with some homemade brownies. She baked them specifically for me, she was so thoughtful and used all vegan ingredients. It made me feel both so valued and cared for but also stressed because I knew I wouldn’t like them, because I can not handle the chewy texture of them.

But she didn’t know that (so here I took her word for it, but that part is actually a little bit complicated- check the edit) I love the chocolate flavor so she must have thought i would ike brownies too. I thanked and then told her I’m really not good with chewy textures.

She insisted that I take a bike so I did. I could barely swallow it. smiled and hid my disgust the best I could because I knew she would be offended. I must s**k at faking my reaction because she immediately asked me does it really taste that horrible? I said it no it’s not about that, I just can’t handle the chewy textures.

I told her it has nothing to with the taste or her baking and not to take it personal. Unfortunately she did. She told me I’m ungrateful and I could just take few bites and tell her I will save the rest for the later like a normal person. I apologized and said I don’t think I will be able to take more bites.

That really upset her. She said fine I will f**king throw them away then and throw them into garbage. She was so upset the whole time and decided to not stay over so I gave a ride . She was upset during the ride too and slammed the door when she was leaving. I don’t know how to feel all about this. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

catskilkid −  info – how long have you two been together that she does not know you can’t eat “chewy textures”?

Dull-Assistance1910 −  Years ago, when we were first married, my wife called me at work, all excited to share that she was making a special spaghetti dinner. I spent the next couple of hours looking forward to it.

Got home, and discovered that the recipe wasn’t the tomato based sauce I was expecting, but instead was some kind of creamy white mushroom sauce. I was disappointed, but didn’t let on. Didn’t really enjoy it that much either.

I mean, setting aside the disappointment that it wasn’t what I had been looking forward to, the mushroom sauce was really pretty awful (at least to my taste). But I was a “good soldier” and told her how much I enjoyed it anyway. “It’s fantastic! Thank you so much!”, etc, etc.

I ended up choking down that recipe at least twice a month for ten years before I finally had the nerve to tell her I didn’t really like it.
Point being, you were in a no-win situation: You either pretend you like it, or you risk hurting her feelings.

The good news for you is you aren’t going to have to spend the next ten years pretending to like something you don’t. So, NTA, but the two of you need to learn to communicate better. For you: Don’t be afraid to be honest. For her: Never take offense at honesty.

gaelicdarkwater −  NAH – you did try to eat some, even knowing you have a texture aversion. Some people simply cannot handle certain textures. She’s lucky you aren’t the type to have it trigger your gag reflex! The food might taste amazing, but for some of us the texture alone can do that.

My mother loves chocolate, but if it’s a pudding it will make her gag every time. For me it’s things like tapioca or boba with those little bubble balls in it. We can’t help it. It sounds like you’re both young and she may not have much experience with people who are that texture averse.

To her she put love in the gift and you rejected it. She felt hurt and that’s valid too. You both need to sit down, when calm, and discuss this as adults. Let her know you understand and appreciate the gift of love. She, meanwhile, has to listen and understand texture aversion. No one is an a**hole here. It’s just a simple misunderstanding.

anon2309011 −  For someone so adverse to texture, you know you can change the texture of brownies? Put them in the fridge or let em sit out for a bit.

missbean163 −  My husband loves garlic, bacon and potatoes.. Made him a potato bake. Turns out he *hates* potato bake lol.
He did apologise and was really nice. I meanwhile eat everything except almond flavouring. Like almonds are fine?

But almond flavoured treat? It’s like my *coriander.* there’s something seriously wrong in my mouth when I try almond flavouring. My mum can handle spice but not wasabi. Or lemons.

Idk peoples taste buds are whack. People are allowed to have preferences. It sounds like you were gracious and nice. I get it sucks, but part of personal growth is realising your good deed might not be the good deed someone needs.

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 −  NTA. I hate when people surprise me with stuff and then get mad when I don’t enjoy their surprise. If she had done the minimum amount of probing ahead of time, she would have known that you don’t like chewy textures.

You’re not obligated to pretend that you’re enjoying something that disgusts you. You thanked her and explained that you appreciated the gesture. She can’t expect more than that.

wheelartist −  NAH, Your GF was trying to do a nice thing but unfortunately it went wrong. It happens. This is a new relationship and you are both still learning about each other. GF however does need to learn that sometimes when we surprise someone, the surprise fails, often this is nobodies fault.

It’s nice that she wanted to do something for you, but her reaction to it failing needs addressing. It’s okay to feel disappointed when a surprise fails, but when it does, it’s a chance to learn better. If I baked a cake for someone and found they couldn’t eat it, I’d ask what they can eat or would like in future.

I’d rather they didn’t lie to me to spare my feelings. I’d sit her down and explain that the brownies are appreciated in terms of the effort and the fact that she took the time to make a surprise for you.

The fact that you don’t like brownies doesn’t mean the feelings and intention of baking them isn’t appreciated. Maybe suggest that you make time to cook something together in future (even if baking isn’t your thing, how about planning a nice meal together?).

FindAriadne −  NTA. You did your best. It makes sense for her to be disappointed, but not angry. A gift should be given without strings attached. If I were her, I would have said “awww this sucks, I’m sorry! I should have asked you first. Can I take them home and eat them myself or do you want to keep them to serve to guests?”

It’s a red flag that she freaked out like that, it’s not okay. Anger is rarely justified. Usually another emotion is more appropriate, and anger is typically only expressed by people who can’t deal with the appropriate emotions like fear, disappointment, sadness, vulnerability, etc. anger is only okay if someone knowingly attacks you.

wetcherri −  NTA. When I first started dating my boyfriend, there were a few instances where I made him something that as a texture or flavor he didn’t like. He still tried it, but was honest and said he didn’t like it or want more.

My response was to say “Oh, I’m sorry, I won’t make this in the future.” and noted his preferences. He has done the same for me any time I’ve disliked something.

You were perfectly polite about your “r**ection” of her “gift”, AND you even TRIED IT despite having told her you wouldn’t like it. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Her reaction is a HUGE red flag. I doubt this will be the only thing she has a disproportionate reaction to.

mewley −  NTA. I bake a lot, I cook for my family, I love to feed people. And I also know that people have their own tastes and preferences. It’s ok that some people can’t tolerate certain foods. It has nothing to do with me.

You tried to appease her by taking a bite. It didn’t work. I could understand her feeling disappointed or a little hurt. But pushing you to eat more, throwing them away, and being so mad about it was immature, controlling and uncalled for.

Was the user honest yet considerate in expressing their dislike for the brownies, or should they have handled the situation differently to avoid hurting their girlfriend’s feelings? How do you balance honesty with appreciation in situations like this? Share your thoughts below!