AITA for being truthful and admitting that I find my wife unattractive after her surgery?

A Redditor (M) opens up about a difficult situation involving his wife’s recent plastic surgery. Despite his initial opposition, his wife went through with multiple facial procedures, resulting in a look that he finds unsettling. Trying to avoid hurting her, he’s been less physically affectionate and made excuses for his behavior.

But after she confronted him, suspecting an affair, he eventually admitted that her new appearance is affecting his attraction to her. Now, she’s staying with her sister, and he’s facing criticism from her friends and family. Was he wrong for being truthful? Read on for the full story.

‘ AITA for being truthful and admitting that I find my wife unattractive after her surgery?’

My wife had plastic surgery recently. We had discussed it and I was against it. It was not my decision and ultimately I had no say. She looks weird now. She had the fat sucked out of her face, lip fillers, a neck lift, other stuff I don’t really get. She gives me uncanny valley vibes now. It freaks me out.

She is fully healed now and she wants us to go back to normal. Like me initiating s**. I have done so but not as much as I used to. And when I do I try and make sure there is very little light. It’s been a few months and I kind of dread having to look at her. Obviously she has noticed.

She has been bugging me to tell her what’s up. I’ve tried telling her I’m just tired from work. Or that I’m run down. Really anything except for the truth. She broke down and asked me if I was having an affair. I said that I wasn’t. She asked to look at my phone. I unlocked it for her and handed it over.

I wasn’t worried about her finding anything because there is nothing to find. She spent an hour looking through it and found nothing. She asked me to explain why I changed. I tried explaining that I just wasn’t that interested right now.

Nothing I said was good enough for her. She kept digging. I finally told the truth. I wasn’t harsh or brutally honest. I just told her that her new face wasn’t something I found attractive and that I was turned off. She asked if that’s why I turn off all the lights now. I said yes. She started crying and said that she needed time alone. She went to stay with her sister.

I have been called every name in the book since this happened. Her sister said I’m a piece of s**t for insulting my wife’s looks. Her friends all think I’m the a**hole. I tried not to say anything. I can’t force myself to find her attractive. I still love her but her face is just weird now. She looks like the blue alien from The Fifth Element.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Ambitious-Island-123 −  *googles ‘blue alien from fifth element’* oh lord 😳

snowflakes__ −  Oh god if she did the buccal fat remover I totally feel you. It makes people look so freaky

willowviolet −  NTA. I love my partner’s face. I love the lines I’ve seen develop over the years. I love the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs. My favorite place in the world is to have my face buried in the crook of his neck, cheek to cheek. When we make love, his face fills my vision and becomes my whole world.

I would miss that face so much if he changed it with plastic surgery. I would still love him, but I would feel like I lost something dear to me. It is her face, and she can do what she wants with it. But she underestimated how much you loved her the way she was. I understand.

RNGinx3 −  NTA. It’s not my thing, and I am very lucky that it’s not my husband’s thing, either. You discussed it, you voiced your concerns, she did it anyway as was her right. But choices have consequences and these are the consequences she actively chose, *knowing* how you felt. Freedom of choice doesn’t mean freedom from consequences.

She can’t pretend to be all surprised Pikachu now (well, I mean I guess technically she could, but I’m not buying). And siccing her flying monkeys on you? Not cool. Edit: Randomness, for some reason I read “Blue alien from Fifth Element” and my mind replaced it with “Blue alien from Avatar.” And I was like, “Oh that’s not too bad…Oh. Wait…”

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Freedom of choice is never freedom from consequence. This is the obvious outcome when not considering your partner when making aesthetic changes. Especially ones as dramatic as those described. Hopefully she finds another mondoshawan to love.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, it’s not your fault that you don’t find her new face attractive. That isn’t a conscience choice. I’m all for people doing what they want with their body, but if they are in a relationship and their partner states their dislike of the body modification,

then that person should keep in mind the risk of doing it will be their partners lack of attraction. Now do I think that you might have wanted to fess up on what was wrong much earlier? Absolutely.

Petentro −  Idk man. My opinion is nta. You were against it going into it and honest with her after. You didn’t go out of your way to be malicious and you tried to not say anything about it. She looks like the blue alien from The Fifth Element. That’s rough dude. Don’t go saying that to her or ywbta

FMrF19 −  NTA but maybe for a different reason – you told her what the issue was and no one else…. But now her “team” is involved telling you what they think of what your issue was. Who invited them to the party? Is your wife open to having your friends tell her what they think of how she treated you? I suspect not.

A marriage is between TWO people not busy bodies. Your wife may have more issues going on, but you are entitled to your feelings. Counselling sounds like a better plan than responding to n**ty texts from her friends/family. Good luck!

DrunkenSh1tPosting −  NTA, I think you handled the situation as well as you could, but there’s a difficult conversation you and her need to have soon

HearingEvery8423 −  NTA, As a woman myself I can fully understand that for her she probably felt extremely insecure and felt like she was making “improvements” to herself. However, I am also married.

I would NEVER get plastic surgery (I’ve never had plastic surgery other than a b**ast reduction) without my husband telling me that he felt comfortable with it and that he would still be 100% attracted to me. When I met my husband I was extremely insecure about several aspects of my body.

My husband made me feel confident. I don’t care if anyone else thinks I’m attractive, only him! That’s her mistake. When her husband told her he didn’t want her to have plastic surgery, she should have listened. Secondly, can someone explain to me why every time someone gets into a fight they sick all their friends and family on the other person? I loathe that.

Was the husband right to be honest with his wife, or should he have continued to find ways to adjust to her new appearance without saying anything? How would you handle such a delicate situation if a partner’s appearance change affected your attraction? Share your thoughts below!