AITA for being such a b**ch to my dad’s wife after my mom died?

A Reddit user shared the painful story of their strained relationship with their father’s wife, Hazel, following their mom’s death. Despite their family’s tumultuous past, including their dad’s affair and marriage to Hazel, the user’s emotions came to a head when Hazel made a disrespectful comment at their mother’s funeral. The user now wonders if their response was too harsh, given their grief. Read the full story below to understand the situation.

‘ AITA for being such a b**ch to my dad’s wife after my mom died?’

My (17F) parents got divorced 6 years ago because my dad was cheating. His wife “Hazel” worked with my mom and knew us so the breakup was bad and my brother (19M) and I didn’t think dad was such a good guy after we found out what he did and our relationship with him was never the same.

We never liked his wife and over time I grew to hate her. She expected things to be okay and of course they f**king weren’t. I don’t know why she was deluded enough to think me and my brother would like her or that mom would care about what happens to her.

Things got way nastier at the same time the divorce was finalized and dad married Hazel. She was pregnant and had a miscarriage a few days before the wedding. She called mom to ask her to take us to the hospital to see her and mom said no. Hazel cried down the phone to mom about the miscarriage and how she needed her family around her and to show compassion.

My mom told her she had no compassion for the woman who broke up her marriage. Hazel called my mom while I was at her and my dad’s house (my brother was old enough to stop going by this point) and she told mom she set a bad example and to think about the “sibling” me and my brother lost.

Mom said she was glad it happened to Hazel and dad and that we wouldn’t have to deal with a half sibling from them since they were cheating sluts (I think she said sluts I couldn’t hear everything). Hazel went nuts and never forgot what mom said.

Once I was old enough I stopped going to dad’s house too and I ignored any contact from Hazel and did everything to shut her out. I still had to speak to dad sometimes so mom wouldn’t get in trouble for not encouraging some contact. But Hazel wasn’t a part of that. Sometimes she did show up when dad did and she’d be very hostile to mom back and expected us to side with her.

My mom was diagnosed with cancer in January and she died 3 weeks ago. My brother and I were with her and dad came when he heard mom was gone and took us to his house. We didn’t want to go but he insisted he needed to be there for us. Hazel was there waiting and tried to hug us and stuff but we shut her down. My brother and I were both crying and I was asking him how we were meant to do all this.

Dad said he was there for that and we needed to lean on him. Then Hazel said the bad influence was finally out of our lives and we could work on our relationships with each other. My brother cursed at her and told her to shut up. Hazel said stuff like that was mom’s fault and it was sad how we didn’t see mom as the disgusting POS she was.

She said I heard what mom told her on the phone that day and still chose mom. I told her she was twisted if she thought I’d pick my dad’s mistress over my own mom and I told her I would never have a relationship with her and she’s a disgusting, n**ty person and I didn’t give a crap what mom said to her because she deserved it all and more.

Hazel lost it and my brother took me to our grandparents. Dad tried to stop us from leaving and tried to make me come back but I said no. I’ve stayed with my grandparents since and my brother’s still here. My brother and I shut dad out and we didn’t tell him anything about the funeral even though he asked. Hazel tried to reach out to me and I ignored her. Then dad and Hazel started texting me to say I need to apologize for being so awful to her and it wasn’t her fault mom died.. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

EveningPassenger6262 −  I told her she was twisted if she thought I’d pick my dad’s mistress over my own mom… and she’s a disgusting, n**ty person. FACTS!!!!!.

Holliemay- −  NTA. Hazel really said “I broke up your family, disrespected your mom, and now I’m the victim??” Girl, what?! The audacity is on sale, and she bought the whole shelf. You don’t owe her a single apology—she’s been messy since day one. Keep chilling with your grandparents and brother; that’s the real support squad.

Mother_Search3350 −  Block Hazel and your father and stop picking up their calls. You are not AN AH.You are all your brother has right now with your grandparents.  You need to mourn your loss. Losing your mother is a debilitating and tragic loss that you are going to carry for the rest of your lives. You are an adult now almost 18.

Tell Hazel that you are going to get a protection order and charge her with harassment if she keeps up with her BS. Condolences to you and your brother for your loss.  Hazel is nobody to you or your brother or your family.
You need to find a way to mourn your mother and get her SS Survivor benefits for yourself and your brother and get all her life insurance benefits. 

You are Both almost adult beneficiary. If your mother had a will before her passing, get that will and have it executed. Get professional help and a lawyer who can help you and your brother to get what was your mother’s assets in that marriage.  Again NTAH and condolences to you and your brother for your loss.

rosyuurteen −  Honestly, your dad and Hazel have no right to ask you to apologize. After everything they’ve put you and your mom through, you’re just standing up for yourself. She’s got nerve trying to act like you should be cool with her after all that mess. You don’t owe her anything.

kittysseexy −  Honestly, you’re not wrong for feeling how you feel. She was toxic to your family, and after everything that happened, it makes sense you wouldn’t want a relationship with her. Your emotions are valid, and you don’t owe her an apology.

Turbulent_Ebb5669 −  I am so sorry for your loss. And intensely dislike people like Hazel. So self centred.

venturebirdday −  As you are 17, I will share one of life’s little secrets. All people are a mess: parents, step-parents, teachers, all of us. Hazel is a mess. The trick is to see her not as someone to be mad at, because that takes up space in your heart and brain, but as someone you might see in the aisle at the grocery. A living breathing human being that has no part in your life. That person is not worth hate, or anger, or love. They just are.

Flawed people are the reality. You just decide which of us messed up people you care about enough to allow into your life, and leave the rest in the aisle at the grocery. I think Hazel is in the freezer section, leave her there and build a life that you want.. NTA.

krysantamaria −  NTA. First off, I’m so sorry for your loss—what you’re going through is incredibly difficult, and your emotions are completely valid. Hazel’s behavior is inexcusable, especially just weeks after your mom passed. Her comments about your mom being a “bad influence” and blaming her for things in front of you were cruel, disrespectful, and completely uncalled for. You were mourning, and instead of showing kindness or understanding, she made everything worse.

It’s also worth mentioning that your dad enabling Hazel’s behavior by demanding you apologize is completely unfair. You’re a teenager grieving the loss of your mother, and they’re asking you to prioritize Hazel’s feelings? That’s not right.

You owe Hazel nothing—certainly not an apology. Protect your peace and stay with the people who are truly supporting you, like your grandparents and brother. Focus on healing and being surrounded by love, and don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking you’re in the wrong here.

writing_mm_romance −  Your dad sounds like a spineless ass hat. One day he’ll realize everything he gave up for an affair and he’ll come crying back.

Accomplished_Mud1658 −  You have such a self control. I would honestly punch her and the dad.
NTA – your dad is the worse dad in the world. Why he brought such a terrible world to your life and then pretend you’re the difficult one? Like who the hell bring his mistress to his decease ex-wife funeral?