AITA for being mad at my husband for not protecting me from his father?

A woman (34F) is upset with her husband (32M) for not defending her during an incident with her father-in-law, who ignored her request for personal space and followed her around the kitchen, laughing. Despite her explicitly asking her husband to intervene, he did nothing. This lack of support echoes a similar issue with his brother a year ago, where she expressed the importance of her husband standing up for her. She now feels hurt, wants to leave their in-laws’ home early, and wonders if she’s overreacting.

‘ AITA for being mad at my husband for not protecting me from his father?’

I (34F) have been married to my husband (32M) for 8 years. 1 year ago I got into a confrontation with his brother, in which his brother said “why are you being bitchy?” to me in front of my husband. I was incredibly hurt that my husband didn’t stand up for me at all. I explained to him that I need him to defend me in public no matter what, and if I am in the wrong he can correct me afterwards in private. He knows how important it is to me that I can trust and depend on him to protect me, defend me, and have my back in any situation.

We are currently staying out of state at my in-laws house for the holidays. Last night I was incredibly o**rwhelmed and overstimulated (I had been on kid duty all day while my husband went ice fishing). It was dinner time and I was making a plate for my 3 year old when my father-in-law decided it would be funny to get in my personal space and follow me around the kitchen island. I asked him to stop and give me some space but that only added fuel to the fire and he persisted.

I looked him in the eye and very firmly said “Back up!! I’m not joking!” which went ignored while he continued to stay in my personal space and laugh at me. I turned to my husband and said “Tell your dad I’m not joking!” to which my husband said and did nothing, even though he knew exactly what was happening to me and how I felt about it.

I am so hurt and upset with my husband for not defending me after I not only asked for help in the moment but also after our discussion from a year ago. I want to leave early and go back home but he thinks I’m being unreasonable and overreacting. Am I the a**hole? Am I overreacting or being unreasonable?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  So the answer is never visit his family again. He’s shown you he will allow them to harass and b**ly you.

CapraCat −  Your husband is pathetic.

295Phoenix −  NTA But this won’t change without couples’ therapy or divorce.

No-Past2605 −  FIL would have been wearing that plate of food.

Duskflamee −  Omg NTA. Thats seriously messed up. Its one thing for his dad to act like that but the fact that ur husband didnt back u up after u literally asked him to is a huge red flag. He shuld be protecting u no matter what and the fact that he just ignored u is not okay. I wuld be furious too.

JLR_92 −  NTA but now you have to decide what boundaries you want for yourself because you’re the only one who is going to reinforce them. I’m sorry that your husband isn’t on your side. Time to step up and give your kids the example they need of someone who respects themselves, maintains their boundaries, and doesn’t take s**t from anyone. ETA: Because they’re sure as hell not learning that from daddy

Looking4mygoddess75 −  NTA. It sounds like your hubby is a passive little b**ch. Go home and let him explain why. Good luck!

Revolutionary_Ad1846 −  I would have “accidentally” bumped into his balls really hard but thats me.. Don’t go back next year.. NTA.

Bensti −  “You’re right, honey. I AM big enough to take care of this myself. You and your dad can get the hell out of my home. Your dad is not allowed around me or our kids ever again.” NTA.

grayblue_grrl −  He does not have to defend you if you are wrong. That’s ridiculous and unreasonable. He should however told his dad to back off.You asked. You said. You were clear. He failed you – because you were in the right.. And being reasonable.. Leave early and go back home.

What’s your take? Should the husband have stepped in to support his wife, given their previous discussion? Or is she overreacting to a situation that might have been intended as harmless teasing? Share your thoughts below!

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