AITA for being honest with my nephew about where I was for most of his life?

A Redditor shares how they were kicked out by their family at 16 after being outed as gay by their older sister. Now reconnecting with family at 27, their 16-year-old nephew asked why they were absent for so long.

After being pressed, the Redditor revealed the truth: they were disowned for their sexuality, and it was the sister who had outed them. The sister, now angry, accuses the Redditor of “poisoning” her relationship with her son. Did the Redditor cross a line in being honest? Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for being honest with my nephew about where I was for most of his life?’

I [27M] was kicked out at 16 because my older sister [37F] outed me to my parents as gay. They completely cut off all contact with me and I didn’t see any of my family up until last year, when my father passed away and Mum had a change of heart and we started building a relationship again. When I was kicked out, my nephew was 5 years old.

For the less maths savvy, that makes him 16 now. A couple of weeks ago, there was a family party in which he and I ended up spending most of the evening together, just chatting and stuff. He asked me why I wasn’t around for so long and what happened between me and the fam to make them push me out like that.

I asked him what his mum had told him and he just shrugged and said she won’t talk about it. I told him he’s maybe better having this conversation with her but he kept pressing until I eventually confessed I was cut off for being gay. He made a face and asked how my parents even found out.

I told him I was outed by my sister, but that he must understand that this was a long time ago and that I don’t think she’d do something like that *now* and that it was just a silly mistake on her part. He got a bit quiet and changed the subject.

I got a phone call from my sister the next day furious that I’d told him and accusing me of trying to poison her not only against her but agaisnt the rest of the family too by “pretending they’re bad people” and “making up false homophobia accusations”. I explained to her that I didn’t tell him anything but the truth because he asked and I think he’s old enough to deserve honesty.

She just kept yelling at me for dragging up the past and being a bad influence and has effectively banned me from hanging out with my nephew. I’m crushed because obviously I love the kid. Did I do the wrong thing? Should I have lied or refused to talk about it or lied to him or something?

See what others had to share with OP:

The-0utsider −  NTA, they made poor choices, they should accept the consequences.. Edit: wrong word chosen

Trania86 −  NTA. You told the truth and you even downplayed her part by saying it was a “silly mistake”. I wonder if your nephew is perhaps LGBTQ+ himself and is now upset with his mom because he is afraid the same will happen to him. Or likely he’s just a good kid that knows that love=love, and is not afraid to stand up for what is right. Either way, good on him.

[Reddit User] −  NTA: You didn’t do absolutely anything wrong. Don’t feel bad that your sister both outed you out and then got mad at you because she didn’t want to look h**ophobic in the eyes of her son, which she might still be. You did the right thing. I’m familiar with these family secrets, and in the long run it ends up hurting family members.

Except_Youre_Wrong −  NTA. It’s not up to your sister or anyone else in your family to decide whether or not it’s in the past. Your sister and parents are grade A h**ophobic assholes and I’d rethink the whole “it was just a silly mistake on her part” considering the way she reacted to you telling the truth to your nephew.

[Reddit User] −  Clearly NTA. You were *kicked out and rejected by your family* for over a decade, and she’s saying they’re not bad people or h**ophobic? She can think you’re out of line or that it should have stayed in the past, but she sounds out of touch with reality and unwilling to own up to anything. Has she ever apologized? Has your mom?

TMalander −  NTA, but your sister seems to be. Maybe she ain’t a bad person, but she did a real s**tty thing that caused you a lot of trauma, and she should own up to that – not try to sweep it under the rug.

Sir__Hamselot −  NTA. You can share your story with whomever you please. Your nephew is also old enough to make his own judgement and deserves to know why his uncle wasn’t around. I’m sorry that your sister sucks, I hope she comes around.

vivacious16 −  NTA. Your nephew wanted answers, and you told him to ask his mom, but he wanted to hear your side, which you were honest about. Your sister is the AH for outing you and then acting like the victim when called out on it by her son,

your parents are the AHs for kicking you out and their homophobia. Your nephew seems cool though, props to him. Your sister says you’re “pretending they’re bad people”, but she hasn’t stopped to consider that they are, and they’re finally being called out on it.

You were EXTREMELY kind (more so than I would have been) by trying to save your sister by saying she wouldn’t do that anymore and trying to not diminish your nephew’s opinion of his mother. TBH though I have no sympathy for her or anyone who intentionally outs someone who does not want to be.

captainramen −  NTA. Looks like she did it a second time.

didisosksk −  NTA, and what did u do when u were kicked out like how did u live. Were u homeless?

Is honesty the best policy in this situation, or should family conflicts be left in the past for the sake of harmony? Should the sister take accountability for her role, or was the Redditor wrong for revealing the truth? Share your thoughts below!