AITA for being honest when pushed why I wasn’t going to my DIL art show?
A woman (age unknown) declined to attend her daughter-in-law’s art show, stating she doesn’t like her contemporary art style and finds the event a waste of money. When pressed to reconsider, she eventually admitted her feelings about the art, leading her DIL to call her a jerk.
This confrontation highlights a clash between personal preferences and family expectations. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for being honest when pushed why I wasn’t going to my DIL art show?’
My DIL does contemporary art, I don’t know how to explain. It’s more abstract then anything and I suggest a google. I don’t like the art style but that’s my own a opinion on it. Like one piece with just be colors on a canvas and it has a deep meaning. I don’t get it
She submitted some stuff to the local art show and got in. So this Friday it is suppose to happen and the whole family was invited. The tickets to get in are 30 dollars. Personally I would rather spend that money on other thing.
Not to mention that I don’t like the art style so it will be a full day of bullshitting what I like about the art. It sounds miserable so I declined saying I had another event. She gave me a call along me to reconsider, my response was no and I have plans. That’s when she told me I have to go.
I reiterate what I said before. She started to argue with me not going. I kept saying I have plan and she kept accuse me on not liking her art. After the third time she said that I snapped and told her yes. I don’t like her art and I think it is a waste of money to go. She called me a j**k and hung up.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
lihzee − I’m going to go with ESH. She should have just accepted your “no,” because you could have actually had plans for all she knew. But your response was mean.
She’s part of your family now, and spending $30 to show support at her art show shouldn’t be such a difficulty for you, or something you call a waste of money to her face.
IN.FO – is your relationship with your DIL good otherwise? This seems like an incredibly easy way to show support to someone in your family and calling it a waste of money is s**tty.
newrandom878 − I actually changed my answer while typing lol . I mean, you’re an ah for not going. I was going to say not the ah for being honest. But as i was writing in I realized You don’t go to those things because you love it, you go to them because you love your family.
So 1st, you said you had plans … lie, then you said nah really I don’t like the art… which is true but not why I think you’re not going…its that you really don’t care enough about her to spend a couple of hours supporting her. YTA Artists get invited to these things partly based on their ability to bring their own audience and followers.
PeppermintWindFarm − NTA She should’ve left it and I don’t quite get why it was a mandatory event. At first I thought yea go, be supportive … but it sounds like you realized honesty was not allowed. You did the next best thing by bowing out. “She accused” you of not liking her art?! WTH! Is she like 12?
glimmerseeker − I was really prepared to say you were that AH here, but after reading to the end, your DIL brought this on herself. You said you had plans and couldn’t go. That was a nice way to get out of it. She pushed and pushed – “she told me I have to go“ – and you snapped. This is on her. NTA. Enjoy your Friday!
owls_and_cardinals − ESH. You are not obligated to go to anything, and your DIL was FAR out of line to insist on it… that was really inappropriate of her and she should have just let it go. But, you do come across as strangely closed-minded and judgmental on this topic.
Probably she’d already picked up on prior signs you don’t appreciate her art and she was being hypersensitive as a result. You seem really like rigid and victim-y. Even if it’s not your cup-of-tea, is it really so awful to shell out $30 to support a loved one?
You weren’t going to have to ‘spend a full day bullshitting’ – it would probably be a few hours tops, and no one is forced to rave about the art at an art show! You could easily have a few neutral statements like “It’s so colorful / vibrant” and “I don’t always pick up on the meanings behind abstract art but I’m still enjoying the viewing” or “This piece is by my DIL, she’s so talented” or WHATEVER.
Surely there would be some non-abstract art you could enjoy while there. It was s**tty of her to confront you on it, but this post is giving vibes like you’re generally really unsupportive so to me that makes you TA too.
DoraSchmora − NTA. I wouldn’t pay 30 anything to look at art I didn’t like. Not even for inlaws. DIL should have accepted the first no.
whothis2013 − NTA and let’s be for real, DIL probably wasn’t trying to bond with OP being that they aren’t close and she doesn’t show up to OP’s stuff she’s invited to. She more likely needed to sell a certain amount of tickets or was afraid no one would show up and she’d look like a l**er.
[Reddit User] − The tickets to get in are 30 dollars. Personally I would rather spend that money on other thing. Yeah, welcome to having family. Sometimes you pay to go to s**tty art openings. And s**tty concerts. And s**tty plays. And s**tty sporting events.
And sometimes, if you’re the least bit open-minded, you discover that your family members are actually pretty good at these things! Not necessarily, mind you, but sometimes! And most of all, it makes them feel good when you show up.
hadMcDofordinner − No way do I agree with the comments saying that you should have gone, etc. 30 dollars is a lot of money for an amateur art show. And art is not your thing. She was very aggressive with you and harassed you, all for an art show.
LOL NTA but she sure is… Just because she is your DIL does not mean you have to be a cheerleader for her. She asked, you said no, discussion over.
Alfred-Register7379 − NTA. Why are you calling someone who didn’t want to go? No one is obligated to support anything you do.
What do you think? Was honesty the right approach in this situation? Share your thoughts below!