AITA for being embarrassed with my cheapskate boyfriend?

One Redditor (F) has been dating her boyfriend (VP at his company) for four months and is struggling with his extreme obsession with saving money. Though she appreciates that he’s responsible, she finds his behavior embarrassing—he plans meals only around grocery deals, buys all clothes on clearance, and won’t eat at restaurants without a coupon.

Things escalated when he caused a scene over a coupon issue at a restaurant, holding up the line and frustrating other customers. Embarrassed, she left him to sort it out and argued with him afterward. Now she’s questioning whether her frustration is valid, as her friends don’t see his frugality as a problem. Read the full story below to decide who’s in the wrong.

‘ AITA for being embarrassed with my cheapskate boyfriend?’

We’ve been dating for about 4 months and mostly it’s been good. He’s cute, smart, and very successful. The only downside is that he’s almost addicted to buying things that are on sale or have coupons despite being a VP at his company. I’m not talking about sometimes or even most of the time, I would be alright with that.

He never buys anything at full price. NEVER! He plans his cooking around what’s on sale that week at the grocery stores. All of his clothes were bought on sale or clearance, even his socks and boxers. Last week we were at my friend’s house for dinner and she commented on his shirt. He proudly said he got it on clearance last year for $20.

I was mortified. Lastly, we don’t go to any restaurant unless he finds a coupon or they’re running some kind of special. Things came to ahead last night when we went out to dinner. He had a digital coupon for buy one get one free. For some reason, the restaurant’s computer didn’t recognize the deal and the poor cashier couldn’t make it work.

We were holding up the crowded line because he refused to pay for both dinners. Finally the cashier called the manager but he was busy somewhere else in the restaurant. While we waited, the people behind us were getting annoyed. I was so embarrassed I left him standing in line by himself and went to the car.

We argued the entire drive home. We were supposed to go to the movies, because he got free tickets, but I wasn’t in the mood so he dropped me off. We haven’t texted today at all. When I talked to my friends at brunch, they didn’t see a problem with it and I found it frustrating that they didn’t understand how embarrassing it is. Am I TA or is this normal?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

WholeAd2742 −  YTA. Stuff is expensive right now, especially with inflation. He’s being money smart and frugal

ThisWillAgeWell −  *He never buys anything at full price. NEVER!* What’s so terrible about that? As long as he’s never rude or demanding to retail staff, he’s smart to chase the best deal on everything. He proudly said he got it on clearance last year for $20. I was mortified.

Why? I doubt your friend thought any less of him for it. *He had a digital coupon for buy one get one free. For some reason, the restaurant’s computer didn’t recognize the deal… While we waited, the people behind us were getting annoyed. I was so embarrassed*

The fact that the computer didn’t recognize the deal wasn’t his fault. He had the coupon. He ate there with the expectation that the coupon would be honored. Again, as long as he was patient and not rude to the cashier, he did nothing wrong. If the people standing behind were annoyed, they should get annoyed at restaurant management, not him.

Overall, this sounds very much like a you problem, not a him problem. And calling him a “cheapskate”? You’ve been dating four months. I can’t see this relationship lasting if you continue with that attitude.. YTA.

DaleCoopersWife −  Omg, not a shirt on clearance!! 😱 Why didn’t you just pay for the dinner if you were so worried about the line of annoyed folks? YTA

Usrname52 −  YTA. I spent most of the post thinking N A H. But you’re just really judgy of him. There’s nothing embarrassing about mentioning a good deal on a shirt that someone complimented.

If the coupon was valid (ie: he wasn’t trying to get them to honor an expired coupon or get something different), he is e**itled to the deal they advertise. Maybe the cashier could have asked him to step aside and rung up other people while waiting for the manager, but this wasn’t his fault, it was the restaurant.

Also, I missed the part where you were “so embarrassed” that you just paid the bill, instead of walking away.

[Reddit User] −  NAH. You are just not compatible.

[Reddit User] −  1. Are you ever digging into your own pockets to show him that you don’t mind spending money on him?
2. If his clothes are a big deal to you, have you ever bought him a nice shirt to show him that the quality or look is better?

3. You’re very proud that he is a VP, are you more proud of his job title than him?
4. You ever think that sometimes people might have other things going on in their life that they need money for and might not want to share it with someone he’s known for like 4 months?

5. You ever think that maybe sometimes people are just incompatible?. You sound like YTA!

SrslyPissedOff −  INFO: Do you ever pick up the tab?

Witty-Stock-4913 −  NAH. You guys are just incompatible. He’s not wrong for wanting to save, you’re not wrong for not wanting to hold up a gigantic line of people for a coupon. Just different life approaches. And you will drive each other nuts with this if you don’t discuss and come up with a compromise.

Maybe his clothes and groceries are free for all couponing, but occasionally dinners out can be full price.

Administration_Easy −  NTA. People are leaving comments like “I didn’t grow up rich, so I get this guy.”. I didn’t grow up rich either (not even close), but I did grow up with a sense of pride. My Dad was very clear that we were worth as much as anyone else and we do not accept hand-outs.

I understand that being aggressively cheap can be really damn embarrassing. I had a boyfriend like this for a while – would try to haggle with everyone and get a deal for everything and such, and it did annoy and embarrass me.

Getting a good deal is great and there’s nothing wrong with it, but making every decision based on what is cheap *especially * when you don’t need the money just makes it seem like you don’t value the person you’re spending it on or like you’re impoverished and desperate.

When you’re super vocal about it and doing things like bragging about it, arguing about coupons, and haggling, it seems like you’re loudly advertising the fact that you’re money-insecure, which is not a great look, IMO.

I once had that boyfriend leave me alone in a restaurant for an extended amount of time to go back to our hotel room and search for a coupon for that restaurant which he couldn’t find and thought he had left behind. He couldn’t find it and then tried to talk the waitress into accepting it anyway while describing it.

The coupon was for like $2 off! I was mortified. I just wanted to pay and leave and it ended up leading to a fight, so I totally get where you’re coming from. And before anyone makes any asinine assumptions; no, I am not a gold digger. I make plenty of my own money, pay for every-other meal of everyone I’ve ever dated, and otherwise split expenses 50/50 down the middle.

GWeb1920 −  YTA . I’m always amazed that people don’t base their cooking on what is on sale at the grocery store or buy meat in bulk and freeze it. It’s at least 30% and perhaps 50% cheaper that way. So certainly nothing wrong with that.

The restaurant one I find weird. If you are going out to eat rather than cooking at home you are already blowing the food budget out of the water so just go where you get the most enjoyment. But again if he wants to save money that’s fine. It shouldn’t be embarrassing for someone to use the items the restaurant provides.

I’m with him on clothing as well. Why would anyone ever pay retail for any clothing? Especially men’s where style changes much more slowly than women. So I think you are over reacting by being embarrassed and therefore are the a**hole in this situation. Have you considered why you find being frugal embarrassing?

Managing different financial mindsets in relationships can be tricky—some see frugality as responsible, while others might find it embarrassing. What do you think? Is the Redditor overreacting, or should her boyfriend tone down his coupon obsession? Share your thoughts in the comments!