AITA for being angry about my husband not listening to my professional advice twice?

A Redditor, who is a doctor, is feeling frustrated and hurt after her husband ignored her professional advice on treating his injuries following two accidents.

After burning his hand and later cutting it, he asked for her guidance but chose to handle the wounds on his own, leading to potential complications. Despite her extensive experience in emergency medicine, he dismissed her recommendations, which has caused tension in their relationship.

The Redditor is grappling with feelings of disrespect and wasted effort, while her husband believes she is being harsh and should respect his autonomy. Is she justified in her anger, or is she overreacting? Read the original story below to explore the intricacies of communication and respect in relationships.

‘ AITA for being angry about my husband not listening to my professional advice twice?’

I’m a doctor, and recently my husband had two accidents. First, he burned his hand with hot water, and then he cut his hand while doing some work around the house. Both times, he asked for my advice on how to treat the injuries, and both times, he ignored my suggestions.

I work in emergency medicine and deal with wounds frequently. My advice was simple and inexpensive (he doesn’t like to spend)—just disinfect the area and cover it with a sterile dressing. The cut would have benefitted from stitches, but now he’ll probably have a scar because the skin didn’t adhere properly.

I even offered to take him to my facility for the stitches, but he refused, saying he preferred to spend his evening differently. Instead, he just washed the wound with water and used a small bandage.

Now, I’m frustrated that he ignored my advice, and he’s angry with me for being upset. He says I’m being unnecessarily harsh and that I don’t have the right to tell him what to do. He thanked me for my care but believes he handled the situation fine, even though the second wound just happened yesterday, so we don’t really know the outcome yet.

I tried to explain that proper care could prevent infection and scarring, but that didn’t change his opinion. He also pointed out that I don’t always follow his professional advice (we share some work in a field unrelated to medicine), which is true, but I feel this situation was more straightforward with less room for debate.

His advice to me often involves online business, which is more variable. My main frustration stems from feeling like my time and words are wasted, and that he doesn’t respect my expertise.

I even consulted a surgery colleague about his wound, was late to my exercise class to respond to his texts, and offered to take him to my workplace for sutures, even though it would take a lot of time out of my already tight schedule. He didn’t ask for this extra effort, so I’m partly angry at myself for caring so much when he clearly doesn’t.

I understand his reasoning to some extent, but I’m upset about how he’s handling this. To me, his communication feels arrogant, though that might be just my perception. I expected him to come home today and try to make amends, but instead, he’s angry that I’m angry.

I told him, “You don’t have to follow my advice, but then why ask?” To which he responded, “Okay, then don’t ask me about online business if you’re not going to take my advice.” So now I’m wondering—AITA in this?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Oscman7 −  I don’t think this is really about medical advice or online businesses. Both of you need to sit down and talk about why both of you have transformed minor accidents into arguments. Why do you feel like he must follow your advice to the letter? Why does he feel like he needs to ignore the advice he’s asked for?. NAH

4MuddyPaws −  I know I’m going against the grain of what everyone else is saying, but I’m going NTA. I was an emergency nurse for years. My husband would get sick or injured and he’d ask what to do. I’d offer to dress his wounds or whatever. (I was also a wound care nurse for a while).

He’d say no, he’d do it himself, then complain it wasn’t healing right. He’d have other problems, ask my advice, then promptly ignore it. But…if he mentioned it to his doctor or saw the same advice online, he’d immediately follow it, and tell me, “hey, this guy on You Tube said to try this.” I’d remind him that’s what I told him, but he just shrugged it off.

He injured his knee in a fall, twisting it pretty badly. I advised him to get an x-ray and maybe they’d get him some PT. Nope, He went and got an OTC knee brace that didn’t fit properly. I told him that wasn’t a good idea. Yep, you guessed it, his knee pain just kept getting worse. Eventually he went to the doctor, got an x-ray, got a properly fitting brace and PT then had the nerve to be upset with me.

Now, when he asks me for any medical advice, I tell him to Google it or ask his doctor. Then he gets cranky. You just can’t win with some people.

BobR969 −  It depends on the advice he sought tbh. Kinda sounds like he came to you to gauge the severity of the injury. When you gave him advice, it sounds like he heard what he needed to hear to confirm the injuries aren’t bad enough to warrant something more serious and went on about his day. 

He has a pretty crappy way of communicating this with you, but you seem to have some trouble in that department too. Light ESH on this one. 

keesouth −  NAH but bordering on Y T A. These are minor injuries. While yes your advice was correct, really all he risked was a minor scar which he’s fine with. I’d be more inclined to be on your side if this were some major injury but it’s really low stakes.

basementfortress −  I’m reminded of a picture I’ve seen.  It’s a billboard saying something along the lines ” this year thousands of men will die of stubbornness” and someone spray painted “no we won’t” underneath it. Men can be idiots when it comes to injuries and illnesses.  And I say that as a man.  

adventuresofViolet −  ESH, Both of you need to improve your communication skills, did you state your expectations when you gave him the advice? Did he tell you what he wanted to do? Lastly, it’s not uncommon for patients to not follow doctor’s advice, correct?

Do you get mad at your patience when they don’t take the medicine you prescribe them, don’t follow up timely with rudimentary tests? Are you mad at him as his doctor or are you mad at him as your spouse? 

Ok_Astronaut_3235 −  NTA. He’s being annoying and the comparison doesn’t fly because online business isn’t something he is completely qualified for and you aren’t. I find many family members don’t follow my physical therapy advice. My dad in particular asked me about a shoulder injury which I treated and gave exercises for.

He didn’t do them then went to see a male therapist who told him the same thing. But for money! Still didn’t do the exercises and went to an older doctor for an unnecessary injection because he’s lazy but that’s beside the point.

My husband will moan about back pain then ignore my advice so I don’t engage and just say “oh dear” but this seeps into other areas. I now point out every time he responds to me with “no because…” or no and repeats what I just said. There are huge studies on how often men say no to women and it’s alarmingly common even among friend groups.

Literally I could say the “sky is blue” and he’d say “no actually”. It’s really decreased since I responded EVERY TIME “so actually your response should start with YES”. It’s subconscious much of the time and I wonder if this sort of thing is a cause of your situation as described.

fbombmom_ −  NTA. Don’t offer advice next time. If he asks you, just tell him that he probably knows better and leave it at that. There is no need to argue with people who don’t want help.

hyundai-gt −  YTA here. As a doctor, you provide medical recommendations to patients all day and you are well aware it is the patient’s choice which treatment plan to follow (or ignore). Sounds like you are taking out your job frustrations on your husband.

QueenofBnB −  You know that giving advice doesn’t mean the person is required to follow it, right? YTA.