‘AITA for banning my MIL from the house?’
One Redditor recently shared on the AmItheA**hole subreddit that tensions with his future mother-in-law escalated after she repeatedly criticized his shy 16-year-old son, Daniel, and even took his personal journal.
In response, the OP banned her from the house, which sparked conflict with his fiancée and her family. Now, he’s caught between protecting his son and reconciling with his in-laws. Was his reaction too harsh? Scroll down to see how this family dilemma unfolds.
‘AITA for banning my MIL from the house?’
I M39 lost my late wife 6 years ago. I have a 16 year old son ‘Daniel’ and I recently got engaged to my fiancee of 2 years. Her mom and I aren’t on good terms because of how she behaves. She’s a controlling, self-centered, Dolly parton wanna be.
I learn to ignore her crap but she’s been annoying Daniel and criticizing his personality regularly (he’s a private kid and still hasn’t gotten used to the new family dynamic but he’s in therapy and is doing fine) she keeps diagnosing him left and right calling him anti-social, autistic and other crap.
Fact is, Daniel is a shy, well manared kid but people confuse that with being “anti-social”. MIL tried several time to force Daniel to “open up” by embarrassing him with personal questions on family dinners and “test” his personality type.
I’ve realized the effect her behavior had on Daniel so I gave him the choice to no longer be in the same room/house as MIL and he appreciated this a lot.
MIL didn’t like that Daniel kept his distance and no longer visits and kept bitching about how spoiled he will become for her daughter to deal with. I told her to stop bringing it up but she cried “I’m just doing this for Daaannny;”
Last week she visited unexpectedly wanting to say hi to Daniel. After Daniel greeted her he went into the bathroom and she went into the livingroom with my fiancee.
I was in my bedroom when Daniel came and said his journal was gone. We looked for it but didn’t find it. I asked my fiancee who was alone in the kitchen but didn’t see it.
I paused for a second to ask where MIL was, My fiancee said in the living room but I saw her coming down the stairs.
I asked where she was, she said the bathroom. I saw her purse in hand so I bluntly asked if she took Daniel’s journal. She looked offended and called for my fiancee when I insisted to see inside her purse. She wanted to leave but I didn’t let her.
Fiancee told me to stop it but I insisted and the journal was there. MIL tried to explain this was her only chance to get to know Daniel better because “she cares about him”.
I blew up at her and berated her for stealing from my son and told her she’s banned from my house for the stunt she pulled. She argued with me then left.
My fiancee apologized for her but said banning her from the house was over the top. It backlashed and FIL argued and hoped his daughter realized how f///ing ab///ve I am and called off the wedding for refusing to apologize to MIL.
Fiancee said her family won’t come to the wedding til I reconcile with her mom and cancel the ban but I won’t let my son be disrespected in his own house and asked my fiancee to understand.
I’m refusing to reconcile but am aware this could ruin my relationship with all my inlaws not just MIL and my fiancee thinks I’m selfish to cause drama.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
AutumnKittencorn says
NTA and if I were you I’d put off the wedding until you know for sure that your fiancée understands and will stand up for your son (and you) to her family when shit like this happens. I think the ban is 1000% justified.
Susan66207 says
THIS!! Postpone the wedding. Also, and I hate to say this, do you have an ironclad will? I shudder to think what would happen if you were to suddenly die as your fiancee is so easily influenced by her mother.
Stripes-McGillicuddy says
Fiancée:”My parents won’t come to the wedding until…” You: “Great! Problem solved!” NTA. Your son is lucky to have you in his corner.
joetheduk says
NTA. MIL was way out of line. Her behavior is toxic and abusive. You did the right thing, protecting your son from her nonsense.
Stand firm. Don’t let her family push you around in this. Whatever “drama” your fiance thinks will cause will be nothing compared to the damage MIL can do to your son.
Throwaway3765565 (OP) replies
Frankly, I don’t understand how my fiancée could say that I’m creating drama when her mom was the one weho started it by basically sneaking my son’s journal into her purse.
This is serious because Daniel uses his journal for therapy so my MIL crossed several lines here but the family think I overreacted. Even after I told them exactly what she did in my house.
blakexsays says
But you realise that your fiancée is putting her desire to not want an argument with her family above your son’s wellbeing right?
She should’ve been standing up for your son against her mother for all her prior behaviour already, but the fact that she’s actively choosing to basically side with her mother on this (by not defending your son) is abhorrent.
Do you really want to be with someone who would put her own comfort over your son’s wellbeing?
Do you really think your son will be able to trust your fiancée? Feel safe and comfortable in his own home? Knowing that fiancée will let her mother in the house?
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!