AITA for assuming I was invited to my cousin’s wedding, and “making a scene” when I found out I wasn’t?
When family loyalty clashes with hidden bigotry, who bears the blame? A young woman’s assumption about a wedding invitation spirals into a painful clash over acceptance and exclusion.
‘ AITA for assuming I was invited to my cousin’s wedding, and “making a scene” when I found out I wasn’t?’
Expert Opinions
Wedding Etiquette and Invitation Ambiguity
Emily Post Institute guidelines state: “Invitations addressed to ‘The [Lastname]s’ include all household members. Exclusions must be explicitly stated (e.g., ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’). Mary’s vague wording misled OP and her family.”
Homophobia in Family Dynamics
Dr. Michael LaSala, LGBTQ+ family therapist: “Exclusion rooted in internalized homophobia or appeasing bigots inflicts deep emotional harm. OP’s cousin prioritized appearances over family, perpetuating harmful stereotypes.”
Conflict Escalation at Events
Conflict resolution expert Dr. Tammy Lenski: “Mary’s decision to confront OP publicly—rather than privately or post-event—guaranteed drama. OP’s reaction, while emotional, was a natural response to betrayal.”
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Community Opinions
Summary: Redditors overwhelmingly side with OP, condemning Mary’s homophobia and poor etiquette. Key themes:
- “NTA. ‘The [Lastname]s’ means everyone in the household.”
- “Mary’s the AH for catering to bigots and blaming OP.”
- “The scene was Mary’s fault, not OP’s.”
Should families tolerate exclusion to appease conservative in-laws? How can LGBTQ+ members navigate hidden biases in family dynamics?
You are ABSOLUTELY THE AH.
You had no right to go somewhere you were NOT welcome, and don’t give us that BS about “oh I thought I was invited”. No, you did not. You know full well that your name would have been on there if you were invited.
You were not welcome there. You had no right to go. And you’re so stupid and selfish and selfabosrbed, and such an utter b@tch, that you don’t even care that you ruined her wedding day. SHAME on you! It should have been one of the very best days of her life, but YOU ruined it.
You should be ASHAMED.
You should have quietly left. Why confront her at the wedding?
You could have discussed this privately later on – I’m old school I guess. Sure you were very hurt but causing a scene made you look bad. You know how she feels know so cross her off your list.
NTA I refused to go to my nieces wedding since they specifically said that my daughter’s fiancé could not attend. “Because they had never met him and seats were limited “I knew the real reason was because he was black, and I refused to accept that we come together or we don’t come at all. If it had just been a casual boyfriend, I would not have had a problem with it, but I knew that they were gonna spend their life together and I proudly call him my son. If anybody has a problem with it, you know what they can kiss. he went, we had a great time. I don’t think I’ll Ever be able to completely forgive them, though.
OH hahaaaa! YOU do NOT know that that was ”the real reason”, and YOU are the racist. Want proof? The definition of racist is someone who makes PRESUMPTIONS based on someone based on their race, and that is EXACTLY what you did – you ASSUMED that that person had a problem with you being black just because they were white. That’s RACIST.
May god bless your cousin with all gay children. So she can forever be reminded that in fact she is the AH!