AITA for asking the server (in a restaurant with many open tables) if me and my gf could move because a disabled person was being very loud and disruptive?

A Reddit user shares an incident from a recent dinner with his girlfriend, where they asked to move tables because a nearby disabled person was making loud noises and disrupting their meal. While the server agreed and moved them, the user’s girlfriend was upset and called him an asshole for not being empathetic toward the family. Now, he’s unsure if his actions were inconsiderate or justifiable. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for asking the server (in a restaurant with many open tables) if me and my gf could move because a disabled person was being very loud and disruptive?’

Oh boy here we go. This happened on Saturday night and my gf calls me an a**hole. Her and I went out for an early dinner before our plans. It’s been awhile since we got to go out to eat together because one of us is usually working on Saturdays since we both work retail.

We went out to a higher-mid tier italian restaurant. Not like fine dining but definitely better than like olive Garden. We were sat in a room that only had one other table. It was 5 people. It looked like a family and one of them was a clearly mentally disabled adult.

We were served our waters and were seated for maybe 4 minutes before this person started making a bunch of sounds. Screeching, groaning, and banging his hands onthe table. We ordered our drinks while this continued. I noticed the other rooms were fairly empty.

We received our drinks and didn’t order appetizers yet. Before we ordered, I got up and found our server. I asked if it was possible to move to a different room. I told her it’s completely fine if she can’t move us and we understand but I thought I’d ask. She did move us.

My girlfriend reluctantly moved. Once we sat down she went OFF on me for what I did. I said it’s been a while since we got to have a nice dinner together and I didn’t want to deal with the noise. I said I wish that family the best of luck but I don’t think we were required to sit there if we didn’t need to.

She went on about how that family probably struggles so much doing things in public and I should have been empathetic. She said I probably really embarrassed/hurt them. I told her that I do hope for the best for that family but at the same time how they interpreted us moving tables isn’t really our problem and we don’t owe it to that table of strangers to stay at the first table just to preserve their feelings. I’m sure they deal with this a lot. Aita

See what others had to share with OP:

boboddy42069 −  NTA. I wonder if I’ll be called an a**hole for saying this but no you are under no obligation to have a less-than dining experience to preserve the feelings of that family. I’m sure it’s something they deal with a lot.

JeepersCreepers74 −  NAH. I think in some instances, you would have been TA for asking to move, but not here. The family was probably relieved to have the room to themselves where they didn’t have to worry as much about the behavior of their relative, and it sounds like it was no strain on the restaurant to move you. At the same time, your GF is not an AH for being sensitive to their position and worrying about how your move would be perceived.

gordonf23 −  NTA. The fact the person was disabled is totally irrelevant to your decision to move. They were making your dining experience–which should have been peaceful and enjoyable–highly unpleasant.

The other family made a choice to go out to dinner, knowing that the behavior of one of the people in their party would likely be disruptive for others and they went anyway. You are certainly not the a**hole for politely and discreetly asking the server to move you to a quieter room.

wisewoman707 −  NTA. So your girlfriend’s logic is that your feelings/comfort are not as important as those of some strangers who you’ll never see again? Why? I understand wanting to be compassionate,

but that doesn’t mean that you have to ruin your night out and be miserable *in case* your moving *might* make some random strangers feel bad (which she doesn’t even know for sure, she’s assuming quite a lot). It sounds like you handled it very well. Your girlfriend is the one out of line here.

Longjumping-Swim8201 −  My husband and I went out to eat after getting a babysitter for our twin toddlers. It was a very nice restaurant and we were seated in a side room. The only other people in that room were a large family group with multiple young kids who were really screaming and crying and yelling.

My husband quietly went and asked our server to please move us. Damn if those parents didn’t curse us out, accusing us of being anti child. I respectfully told him we have two year-old twins at home, so we know what it’s like. However, we spent a lot of money on a babysitter to go out to dinner without our kids.

Wiregeek −  NTA, you didn’t scream at those folks or talk s**t to them, you just asked politely if you could be moved. If you don’t want people avoiding you, don’t scream and best on the table.

plantprinses −  Has it ever occurred to your gf that this family might have preferred your not being there? Don’t you think they know that all this groaning etc. is not nice for someone else to hear?

subsailor1968 −  NTA. Is have done the same. You weren’t rude and were willing to take no for an answer. The other family probably prefers to be alone, honestly. It can be a struggle caring for a relative like that.

MarthaT001 −  NTA You should not be required to endure loud noises from another table whilst dining out. It doesn’t matter who’s making the noise.

No-Names-Left-Here −  NTA. Honestly a host worth their salt would not have seated you close to them. Usually situations like that are the last table filled, both out of respect to the family already seated and the party being seated.

Do you think the user was wrong for asking to move tables, or was it understandable given the circumstances? How would you handle a similar situation when balancing empathy with your own dining experience? Share your thoughts below!