AITA for asking someone if they’re still a therapist and telling them to consider a different career path?

A Redditor (24F) is upset after a former family friend, Cathy (in her 60s), criticized her for posting a picture of her husband enjoying a chocolate milkshake following his surgery to install a port for cancer treatment.

Cathy felt that sharing this moment was inappropriate, especially after the couple had asked for help through a meal train, suggesting it was inconsiderate to showcase indulgence. The Redditor felt the comparison to Cathy’s own experience with a flooded house was invalid and, in the heat of the discussion, asked Cathy if she was still a therapist, suggesting she might want to reconsider her career.

Cathy claimed this was a personal attack and accused the Redditor of being an AH for her response. The Redditor now questions if she overreacted by questioning Cathy’s profession. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for asking someone if they’re still a therapist and telling them to consider a different career path?’

Sorry if this is rant-y, I’m just livid. I (24F) posted a picture of my husband (25M) enjoying a chocolate milkshake after he had a surgery to put in a port. He hasn’t had much of an appetite for weeks so him just having a milkshake was SO exciting to me. Well, a former family friend “Cathy” (in her 60s) had an opinion about that.

She sent me a long text about being more considerate with what I share and that people won’t appreciate seeing us “splurging on expensive sugary and fatty” milkshakes after we asked for some help earlier this week. Yes, it’s true that we made a small meal train to help us get through this week. That’s the only help we asked for.

Not a dime, just some comfort meals and prayers. We went back and forth a bit. She then went on this rant about how she never asked for help when her house flooded… as if that’s at all comparable to my husband starting cancer treatment.

I shouldn’t have kept responding to her and should have just blocked her immediately, but I didn’t, and at some point I asked her if she was still a therapist, which she claimed was a “personal attack”.

I told her to consider a different career path and to remove herself from our lives. She said I was an AH for responding that way to her “sharing her concerns.” Did I go a little too far and become an a**hole by questioning her career?

ETA: Meal trains have been done multiple times in our friend group. New baby, surgery, moving, usually someone starts a weeklong meal train and my husband and I have had the honor of cooking for some of our friends. 🙂

 also don’t want to belittle the fact that it costs time and money to cook for others. What I was trying to tell Cathy was that not a penny of money that wasn’t ours went toward the milkshake. 🙂

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

TemptingPenguin369 −  I’m sorry what you’re going through with your husband’s health. If a milkshake is considered a splurge for someone who is undergoing cancer treatment, that’s a terrible attitude. But if a meal train means people either cooked or bought you food, don’t denigrate it by saying you didn’t ask for a dime, because people did spend money to feed you.

savinathewhite −  NTA. Your husband <checks notes *has cancer*, if he wants a damn milkshake, he can have one. She can keep her judgy opinions to herself – I’d have been far less polite responding to such nonsense. There isn’t much I can say, except I hope all goes as well as it can, and hope you can ignore anyone that doesn’t have the maturity and grace to *be kind to cancer patients*.

Mobile_Following_198 −  NTA. She *should* consider another career. What an awful person. ETA: She couldn’t even know that *you* bought the milkshake. Someone else could have bought it for your husband for all she knew, and she still decided to stick her nose out in judgment.

Easy_Comedian147 −  NTA Wow…Cathy really needs to learn her place. It very much sounds like a person trying to insert themselves into a situation that has nothing to do with them because they’ve learned to be e**itled to that. Her situation might feel like the worst thing someone’s ever been through because SHES experiencing that.

But nh got therapist would know that’s how most people feel about theor troubles. She’s incredibly unprofessional and you hadn’t even employed her. If she contacts you again I’d repeat thatast part with a part if not contacting you. I’m sorry you and your husband have been dealing with a lot amd I wish you all the best

NoSalamander7749 −  Yeah NTA at all. A milkshake is hardly a big splurge even for a fancier one. I think the meal train isn’t quite so much about the money for food and more about the time/energy it takes to meal plan and then cook. Cathy was not sharing her concerns. She was berating you over something that is, frankly, incredibly f**king stupid.

I remember how excruciatingly, heartbreakingly difficult it was to get my mom to eat around the time she got her port. Sadly her cancer had already progressed too far, but one of the absolute best memories my husband and I have of her last couple of months was when she was explaining how good a Taco Bell taco had tasted to her when she ate it.

(She was a very typical “almond mom” and barely ever chose food she really enjoyed.) The nutritionist told her that whatever food she could eat, was the best thing for her to eat. I really connect to the joy you describe feeling when your husband had that milkshake.

Cathy was fully in the wrong, speaking WAY out of line, and that was a boss response to her. Very best of luck and good health to you and your husband. He should have as many milkshakes as he wants.

sparklestarshine −  NTA. It’s a damn milkshake, not a Mercedes. Wishing for the best possible treatment and recovery for your family! 💜

-XiaoSi- −  As an oncology nurse who has spent so much time over the years encouraging patients to have milkshakes, ice cream or any damn thing they fancy just to get some calories into them (and celebrated with their families when they managed even a mouthful of it), I’d very much like to go and give Cathy and entire meal train of dirty socks in her stupid mouth. NTA.

Dlraetz1 −  I wouldn’t care if you borrowed money or had a GoFundMe. It’s a damn milkshake. $10 at most full of calories your husband with cancer needed and enjoyed
Cathy is a bitter, shriveled prune hearted witch

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 −  NTA simply because of the way you were provoked. You’re going through a tough time and instead of being supportive, she’s causing problems. It’s not your fault that she didn’t reach out for help when she was having a tough time.

You shouldn’t be obligated to just s**k it up and take it just because that’s what she chose to do. She’s not “sharing her concerns.” She’s bitching for no reason. Asking for meals when you’re spending all your time on hospital and doctors’ visits is not unreasonable. In fact, it’s more frugal than the alternative of splurging for take out all week.

Choice_Werewolf1259 −  No. NTA. Emphatically. My mom had cancer. You handled it swimmingly. If she continues badmouthing or trying to reach out I would make it clear if she continues to harass you and your husband while he’s getting cancer treatment that you will be getting the authorities involved.

Or better yet, do you have any family members or close friends who can act as your “flying monkeys” so to speak? Because having a person running point on people being ridiculous and out of pocket is a g’d send.

Bonus is you can also make them the information point person who disseminates information to people so you don’t need to constantly be updating people.What they don’t tell you about cancer diagnosis and treatment is that part of the burden and exhaustion just comes from constantly needing to relay information and rehashing the emotions of telling people or confronting information given to you by doctors.. Sending love and hugs.