AITA for asking my wife to ‘pay me’ for doing housework?

A Redditor shared a disagreement with their wife over household responsibilities and finances during a period of unemployment. While the user agreed to take on more housework to reflect their increased free time, they also suggested their wife contribute more financially so they could have personal spending money. This sparked a debate about fairness in marriage. Read the full story below to see both sides of the argument.

‘ AITA for asking my wife to ‘pay me’ for doing housework?’

My (30m) Wife (29F) and I always roughly made the same amount of money. So we contributed the same financially and split the housework evenly. This always worked well for us.

Recently I lost my job. I’m getting my countries version of an unemployment check, which is around 60% of my regular pay. I can still pay my share of the household and all bills etc, but that leaves pretty much zero spending money. Things are looking well jobwise, but in the end this will probably still mean ~4 months without any money to spend on anything fun at all (and I’d rather not tap into our savings to have a beer etc).

Now to the argument. My wife suggested I could a lot more around the house now that I’m out of a job. And I agreed. I wont be sitting around all day doing nothing, but I’ll still have way more free time than I had or she has. I did however suggest that she pitched in a larger % to the household finances than her normal 50%. That way I could at least have some spending money the coming months. She disagrees and we had a (somewhat civil) argument about it. We couldnt see eye to eye.

The way she sees it. I can still pay for my part of the household money. So I should. And I do have the free time, so its normal that I’d spend more time on chores etc. She sees my pov as her paying me for doing housework in our own home, which she finds absurd.

The way I see it. Yes, it makes a lot of sense for me to do more housework in this period. But it also makes a lot of sense for her to chip in more during this period. I think its unfair that she expects me to spend my extra time on housework, but she wont support me extra financially. Financially this isnt a problem for her.

We talked about this a long while and we can’t seem to come to an agreement. So I’m looking for an outside view. Am I the a**hole for my point of view here? My wife is aware of this post btw and agreed on it.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Big_Alternative_3233 −  NTA. When one partner is unemployed, it is natural for the other partner to temporarily take on a larger portion of the expenses. And it is also true that the unemployed partner with more free time takes on a larger share of the household chores. She is trying to take advantage of you.

nefarious_planet −  I think NTA, as long as there’s no precedent in your marriage of your wife doing more than 50% of the housework without being “paid” and also no precedent of you covering household expenses 50/50 during a time when you were the one making more money. If there’s any chance either of those things has happened before, even (especially) if you didn’t realize it or think about it before now, then what you’re asking is unfair and my judgement will change.

Hedonist1971 −  I don’t get these types of arguments. You’re married. You’re in it together. Quite normal for the stronger to help the weaker. In this scenario: you are the stay at home hubby making a lot less money, so the other should step up and take care of a bigger chunk of the bills. That should go without saying. The moment you get a job again then realign the contributions towards the cost of living.

TheGoodJeans −  This may be a hot take…but…. ESH. Marriage is a partnership, not a business arrangement. First off, you live there too. Doing housework in your own home is never something you are entitled to money for as an adult. Expecting compensation for something you should already be doing as a competent adult is entitled on your part. Period.

Second, if she is your partner, she should *want* to help in the first place. She is being petty and inflexible and putting financial equality over equity in the relationship. Now, with that being said, it is still *her* money to do with as she sees fit. We don’t have to agree with how she is handling the situation, but no one has the right to deny her financial autonomy or agency.

Salamanderonthefarm −  I don’t understand these transactional marriages. If you want a roommate, get a roommate. If you want a maid, get a maid. If you want a life partner then pony the f**k up for a few months if they are unemployed so they don’t have to live off noodles. If you want a life partner then clean the damn house so they can rest when they get home from work. Sheesh.

Distinct_Yard4288 −  When income drops, unfortunately so should “fun money”. If your wife isn’t doing things for herself either financially because of finances, IMO, neither should you. I’m a SAHM, and I contribute to finances with all the money I get (baby bonus, etc), and I have no fun money. I also do 80-90% of the housework during the week, as I’m home and my husband is not.

That being said, we share our money, there is not splitting it. We pay the necessary things first (bills, children, etc) then whatever is left over we get what we’d like but we always talk to each other first and make sure both people agree with the money being spent. If one says no, then it’s no.

Legitimate_Maybe4061 −  INFO: how are savings handled? any joint account set up for situations like this? do you have any savings account of your own? and were you laid off or fired for something specific?

NoRazzmatazz564 −  Info: How much of the expense are you asking her to cover?

ElPanandero −  I think your phrasing is weird, but reading the story I don’t think anyone’s an a**hole here, just two people trying to figure out how to navigate this new situation

Better_Pipe_8178 −  Marriage isn’t a 50:50 business arrangement. You should both naturally want to help each other. Her naturally wanting to help with finances and you with the housework.

My wife and I are always looking out for how to make each other’s life better. It’s odd to find that this isn’t the natural case in all marriages. Never understood why there is such a hard requirement to split things down the middle, be it chores, responsibilities, child rearing, and finances. You guys should enjoy and suffer together when there are good times and hardships because that’s what marriage is, otherwise what’s the point?