AITA for asking my wife if she had changed her look and hygiene to impress one of our male friends ?

A Reddit user, a 32-year-old man, asked his wife if her recent changes in appearance and hygiene habits were intended to impress a male friend, Jack, after the friend mentioned a preference for “natural” looks. His wife, who usually had long hair and wore makeup and perfume, recently got a short haircut and adopted a more natural look.

The user’s question caused an argument, with his wife calling him paranoid and jealous. He believes his question was fair given the timing of the changes and feels unfairly treated for bringing it up. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for asking my wife if she had changed her look and hygiene to impress one of our male friends ?’

Me (32m) and my wife “Lena” (34f) have been married for 4 years. We have a group of friends, including “Jack” (37m). It was over a month ago, when a memorable statement was uttered by Jack when our friends were over our home. Jack was drunk, and he mentioned how he likes a shorted haired woman who looks and smells natural.

I’m the only one in our friend group who doesn’t drink, so I remembered that clearly. Lena was drunk yet when that line was said. Lena has always had long, beautiful hair. 3 weeks ago, she got a Karen haircut. Honestly, I loved the look but was bothered by the timing of it. Lena then stops wearing makeup. Then, she stopped using perfume.

The natural look and smell were most evident during the times we had our friends over. I asked Lena about it, especially since I was wondering if she felt like I wasn’t paying enough attention. I do like the changes, but I was concerned if they were for the benefit of Jack instead of me. I made sure the first time I said was that I like the changes.

I told her that I loved her. She was all smiles. I was trying to be breezy by asking if it was because of what Jack said. Then her smile went away, and she looked enraged. She asked what I was insinuating. He called me paranoid, creepy, and jealous. I told her that if she wanted to impress another man, we could talk about it.

She asked me if I was cheating on her, and I said no. I asked her if she changed her look to impress one else. She said it was creepy that I would remember a throwaway line from one of our friends. I told her that either she did or she did not change her look because of what Jack said. She said that question isn’t worth an answer.

I think my question was fair. She had a certain look all her adult life, and it suddenly changed weeks after a man said he likes something different. She was the one who started yelling first. If she had said that she did change her look to impress Jack, I wouldn’t have yelled at her the way she yelled at me just for asking. Am I the a**hole ?. 

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

DevotedRed −  It was a throwaway comment that Jack made whilst everyone was drunk…yet your wife knew exactly what you were talking about when you asked about it. I think that answers your question. NTA.

IcyAfternoon7859 −  NTA, sad to say, but it appears you spotted something, and her guilty reaction appears to confirm it it may be that nothing has happened yet, and it was subliminal, but that is an outside chance imo 

Level_Application812 −  The coincidence meter just launched off the rails on this one. Well, you now have her on edge. Finding out what her real actions and intentions are will be twice as hard. I’d tune up your spidey sense to see when the opportunity for them to be in the same place at the same time and look for tells. I’d have the hair on the back up my head go up with this. Good luck OP!

StyleBeneficial3008 −  Yup, she’s crushing on that guy. Time to talk about it and have her express what she’s feeling, b/c it’s obvious with the way she’s acting and deflecting.

oddmanguy1 −  she didn’t deny it. when she asked if you were cheating was she deflecting. is there something going on like a crush or is it more. good luck

Historical-Pie-5052 −  NTA. I think you know what’s going on. This ain’t cool.

Appropriate_Buyer401 −  NTA. Its a valid question and, to your point, I don’t even think it’d be weird if she said that his comment made her consider a change in style or inspired her. The defensiveness is unreasonable.

N0b0dy-Imp0rtant −  Ouch, her timing was absolutely terrible and the fact she made the same choices Jack says he prefers is at best a terrible coincidence. More than likely, she knows exactly what she is doing and is looking for some external validation from him and her guilty, dismissive and aggressive reaction says you hit the nail on the head, and she was angry you know what she is up to.

Her deflection to you says it was more intentional that incidental too and calling your question creepy doesn’t make sense at all then her refusal to answer the actual question means she doesn’t want to lie to you. I would just not do any events or get-togethers with Jack for a few months and see how she continues to maintain her new look or if she pushes hard to do things with him.

skorvia −  There are too many coincidences for a sudden change of look… too many coincidences for her to decide on that style and not another. But you made a mistake by confronting her, before that you should have kept everything to yourself and monitored her interactions, now it will be difficult to know if she is cheating on you or not.

Brief_Calendar4455 −  She obviously did it for him not you. She had to gaslight you when you asked about it. I would insist on distancing the two from each other. You realize he noticed the change and the timing and will be persuing her.

Do you think the user’s concerns about his wife’s sudden changes are valid, or was it inappropriate to question her motives in this way? How would you handle similar insecurities in your relationship? Share your thoughts below!