AITA for asking my son and daughter inlaw for a copy of the key to the new house they bought?

A Redditor shared their story about asking their son and daughter-in-law for a copy of the key to their new home, citing “emergencies” as the reason.

However, the request led to tension, with the daughter-in-law refusing and labeling the request as unnecessary and overstepping. Now, the user wonders if they crossed a line. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for asking my son and daughter inlaw for a copy of the key to the new house they bought?’

2 weeks ago my son [Ethan, 27]and his wife [Jess, 30] bought a small one story house in the town we live in. After settling down they invited us for a small party for the occasion. We sat for dinner and talked about the house a bit.

Me, my husband and Jess continued conversing after Ethan excused himself to take an important call. Jess showed me the original key to the house and I asked if she made copies yet and she said no.

I said she should and also give one copy to me as well. She looked at me funny and asked why she should. I explained that it is necessary so that it could be used in emergencies.

She rudely said “I don’t know what kind of an emergency that would require you having a key to our house, sure won’t be a fire incident!”. She obviously didn’t seem to have any idea that a fire incident wasn’t what I meant and I got offended by her sarcasm. I pointed out that it’s not just her decision because this is my son’s house as well.

She smiled at me trying to be polite and stated that only the ones who contributed towards the house get a copy and that I really don’t need one anyway. Also assured me that my son will have the same answer for me.

Basically saying “Don’t bother bring this up with Ethan, he’ll tell you the same thing” but I did and she spoke on his behalf the entire argument repeating what she said over and over.

Things escalated to her calling me pushy and me telling her she was being unnecessarily rude and disrespectful .
My husband and I left in a rush and I felt horrible.

My husband went on and on about how paranoid and controlling I was to basically be “demanding” a copy of the key to the new house but again I stated that I was just trying to be helpful and taking extra precautions since anything could happen but he insisted I overstepped and ruined Ethan’s and Jess’s joy for their new house as well as dinner.

I genuienly do not think what I said was out of line and I’m not sure why Jess reacted so intensely. I think my request was innocent.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

ElectricMoccoson −  My husband went on and on about how paranoid and controlling I was to basically be “demanding” a copy of the key to the new house. He’s right. YTA. Edit: So this blew up quickly. Thanks for the upvotes and awards.

dominiqlane −  YTA. It’s their house and their choice who gets keys. When she said no the first time, you should have dropped it. Your husband and Jess are right, you’re being pushy and controlling and that behavior ruined the dinner.

AimMick −  YTA.You don’t ask for a copy of a key to someone’s house. Even if it is your sons. If they offer, fine. But no. You don’t ask. It is rude. And overbearing.

keegeen −  YTA. You don’t get to demand a key to someone else’s house, and trying to override a wife’s wishes in her own home by acting as if you have rights in your son’s home is going to put you on a fast track to never being invited.

Her reacting as intensely as you describe suggests that you have a problem with overstepping generally. Take a hard look at your own behavior.

Imhere4allthedramass −  YTA. You are not entitled to a key and your DIL and Husband are right. There’s a difference if you asked if they needed someone to house an extra key but you didn’t. I get the feeling you’re the kind of MIL that might let herself in randomly to ‘check’ there are no ’emergencies’ without prior permission.

Weil65Azure −  Yeah YTA. It’s a good idea to suggest they make copies and give them to someone close for safe keeping. It’s even not too bad to suggest yourself as a possible candidate.

But instead, it sounds like you just told her what she should do. Then when she disagreed you pushed and pushed. And then you brought it up again with your son in the hopes of arguing it further. It’s their house, their key. You pushed things too far.

OkapiEli −  Sorry, your intentions were good but YTA. You should have waited until it was offered and DEFINITELY not pushed back during the celebratory dinner. If there has been a chance of their coming round to your point of view it’s likely gone now.

CasWay413 −  YTA- If they needed an emergency person with an extra key, they would have given it to that person on their own. Also, your DIL and your son are a team. Assuming he’d go against his teammate in an argument with you is not great.

You overstepped boundaries and instead of backing off when she reinstated them, you kept toeing over that line and refusing to apologize for it and move on. Let them have their space.

SpeedBlitzX −  Info Did your inlaws ask for a copy of your house key when you and your spouse got a place to yourselves?

angel2hi −  YTA. And I don’t think it’s a soft YTA. I personally find it weird to ask for access to someone’s house but I’m 100% letting that slide because to each their own and maybe that is normal to you. But she said no.

You needed to stop there. Instead you lectured her that it’s not her decision. Well, yes it is. Two yes. One no. Even if your son didn’t care, if the other home owner says no, that’s the answer. Then you proceeded to ignore her and ask your son.

She again had to tell you that her opinion matters. Your husband is right. You made everyone uncomfortable. Why would you put your son in that position btw? His wife was VERY clear.

Then you ask him to veto her choices about her home right in front of her with no cool off time. What exactly did you expect to happen? That he would tell her that if his mommy wants a key she can have it and it’s not her choice? Did you think that was going to make life easy for him at home?

Do you think that would make him a good husband in that moment if he said yes? You disrespected your DIL’s choice and you set your son up to either p**s off/hurt his wife or his mother.

Was the request for a house key a reasonable precaution, or did it come across as controlling and intrusive? How would you handle such a situation with your family? Share your opinions and experiences in the comments below!