AITA for asking my pregnant colleague if she is having a boy or a girl?

In any workplace, navigating personal boundaries can be a delicate dance—especially when it comes to topics as personal as pregnancy. In this story, a 24-year-old man recounts a seemingly innocent question that unexpectedly ruffled feathers. After a routine team meeting filled with congratulations over a colleague’s pregnancy announcement, he found himself in an elevator with her and a few teammates.

Trying to spark friendly conversation, he asked, “Are you having a boy or a girl?” Instead of an enthusiastic response, the pregnant colleague’s face fell, and later she approached him to say that his question was inappropriate because she wanted to announce the gender on her own terms. Although he apologized profusely, he’s left wondering if his casual inquiry crossed a line.

Despite his good intentions and confusion over what many might consider a harmless question, the incident has sparked debate among his colleagues—and now he’s turning to us for judgment. Was he out of line for asking about the baby’s gender in the elevator, or was this just a misunderstanding of personal boundaries in a professional setting?

‘ AITA for asking my pregnant colleague if she is having a boy or a girl?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in interpersonal boundaries, explains, “Questions about personal matters—such as the gender of a baby—can be interpreted in various ways depending on the individual’s preference for privacy.

In many cultures, it’s common to ask, but in a professional setting, some individuals prefer to control when and how they share personal information.” Her insight suggests that while the question itself may seem innocuous, it can feel intrusive if the person wasn’t ready to share that detail.

Similarly, relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes the importance of timing and context in communication: “Even well-meaning inquiries can backfire if they catch someone off-guard or in an environment where they’re not expecting to disclose personal information. The key is respecting a person’s right to decide when they reveal intimate details.”

In this situation, the colleague’s plan to announce the gender later indicates that she preferred to share her news on her own terms. Although the young man’s intentions were friendly, his question disrupted her planned reveal, triggering feelings of frustration and loss of control.

Both experts agree that the incident reflects a broader issue of workplace etiquette: while friendly conversation is important, it’s equally crucial to be mindful of the context in which personal questions are asked. The imbalance between his expectation of casual inquiry and her desire for controlled disclosure underscores the need for sensitivity when discussing personal matters at work.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Several redditors expressed support for the young man’s confusion, with one user commenting, “I get that you were just trying to make small talk. It might seem like an innocent question, but sometimes people want to keep those details private until they’re ready. You didn’t mean any harm.”

Another group shared personal experiences, noting, “I’ve been in similar situations where a question that seems harmless to one person feels intrusive to another. In a professional setting, it’s best to wait for someone to volunteer that information. Your intentions were good, but context matters.”