AITA for asking my pregnant colleague if she is having a boy or a girl?

A Reddit user shares an awkward workplace encounter after congratulating a pregnant colleague and asking a seemingly innocent question: whether she’s expecting a boy or a girl. While the intent was friendly, the reaction took a surprising turn, leaving them unsure if they crossed a boundary. Read the full story below to see how this unexpected office drama unfolded.

‘ AITA for asking my pregnant colleague if she is having a boy or a girl?’

Today at our weekly team meeting one of my colleagues announced that she is pregnant and will be going on maternity leave in April. Everyone reacted with congratulations and excitement for her, and I did too. We all told her we’re very happy for her and her family and wish her all the best.

A few minutes later, I was in the elevator with her and 3 of our other team members (so 5 of us out of a total team of 11 people) on our way back to our desks. Just for the sake of conversation, I asked her if she is having a boy or a girl. Her face kind off fell and she grimly and shortly said “boy”. I thought it was strange that she reacted like this, but let it go.

Then after I was back at my desk, she came up to me and said that my question was inappropriate, that she was planning on announce the gender herself but I “forced” her to say it like that in an elevator, so now half of our team knows and it “killed the magic”. I was honestly really confused and apologised profusely. She lectured me on how I shouldn’t be asking personal questions and walked away.

I honestly couldn’t have thought this was in any way a personal question. Is it too personal? I’m a 24 year old dude and I don’t know anything about pregnant women or babies or social customs, I guess. I was just trying to be friendly. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Winterfox1994 −  NTA gender announcements and reveals are only special to the person announcing it and I feel they’ve gotten so out of hand. Quite frankly she could have just said “I’ll wait to announce that myself to everyone if you don’t mind” but she decided to be petty af about it and her being pregnant and “hormones” isn’t an excuse to deflect bad behaviour onto you, someone who was being kind asking questions. Don’t bother getting her a gift

ifactra −  That‘s a perfectly appropriate question and she needs to get over herself. It‘s not like you ruined a family surprise. She could’ve answered more gracefully, along the lines of „We‘re actually keeping it a secret for everyone, but I‘m excited to tell you at the reveal!“ She made it awkward all by herself, NTA.

notplop −  NTA. That’s a completely normal question to ask when someone announces they’re pregnant. If she wanted to announce it herself and surprise the team, she could’ve easily told you she was keeping the gender a surprise for now.

Polly265 −  NTA she could have just said she didn’t know yet or even oh we are not telling people yet we are saving it for the reveal party. She chose to answer the question and then got huffy about you asking instead of being mad at herself. It was a normal question you had a right to ask; she did not have to answer.

jtk345 −  This is why people don’t like working in offices. Your colleague could have replied, “I’m not sharing the gender yet, but thanks for asking!” And everybody would go on with their day. I agree with another comment that says she needs to get over herself. You didn’t ruin anything. She chose to share that it was a boy and had the free will not to 🙄.

Maybe it was pregnancy hormones that made her overreact or something, but regardless of the reason, she should apologize to you for saying you ruined it. It’s pretty obvious she didn’t have to say what the gender was. And I’m saying this as a pregnant woman myself.. NTA.

AgnarCrackenhammer −  NTA. That’s like the second or third question most people will ask after someone says they’re pregnant. Sounds like your co-worker has a bit of main character syndrome.

solaris_stratum −  NTA. “We’re keeping it private until baby is born!” was an option, but she chose to make it weird instead.

OkeyDokey654 −  NTA. All she had to do was say “we’re not ready to announce it yet.” Also you apparently prevented her from doing a big gender reveal at work, so kudos to you.

Spicy_author −  NTA. “Thank you for asking but I was planning on keeping it a secret for now.” Was all it took for her to give an answer without making it awkward. But you could ask a next time if someone knows what they are having. Leaving it open. No need to remember it or use it; just a way to avoid people like her getting all stupid 😅

keesouth −  NTA That’s a perfectly normal and ok question to ask. Not everything needs to be a major announcement but if that’ what she wanted she could have told you that she wants to announce it to everyone at the same time. You didn’t force anything on her.