AITA for asking my mom to stop staying over at the house she rents to me?

A Reddit user shared a dilemma about their mom, who owns the house they rent and has been staying over unannounced—sometimes for days.

This invasion of privacy has made things uncomfortable, especially for the user’s new roommate. Now, they’re wondering if asking their mom to stop would make them the bad guy. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for asking my mom to stop staying over at the house she rents to me?’

I (27F) have lived with my mom for most of my life, but last September, she remarried and moved in with her new husband. He lives 45 minutes away from my area, though my mom and her husband recently bought a house just one street away from mine.

However, the new house is still under renovation, so it’ll be a while before they can live there. Here’s the issue: for the past two months, I’ve had a new roommate (also a friend), and things have been going great. My roommate is kind, clean, and easy to live with, even though she’s a bit shy and takes time to warm up to people.

But my mom, who owns the house, has been coming over unannounced. She’ll hang out in the house without letting us know beforehand and sometimes even stays overnight—up to two nights a week—either on the couch or in the spare bedroom. This feels like a massive i**asion of our privacy, especially my roommate’s.

I feel awful for her because, where is it normal for a landlord to just live in the place they’re renting out? I love having my own space, and this constant intrusion is a big reason why I wanted to move out of my mom’s house in the first place. The tricky part is that I’m struggling to bring this up with her.

We don’t have the best relationship, and communicating with her has always been difficult—she’s very “my way or the highway.” It also feels like I’d be kicking my own mom out, which makes me feel guilty.

To make things more complicated, my mom set some strict house rules: no drinking, no smoking, no boyfriends staying over, and no big parties. While I personally don’t mind these rules, it’s hard to find roommates who are okay with them.

If my mom wants to keep renting the place and earning money, she needs to understand that she can’t act like a live-in landlord. So, WIBTA if I told my mom she needs to stop staying over at the house and give me and my roommate our privacy? And how can I even approach this conversation without it blowing up?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Tangerine_Bouquet −  NTA. Seriously, if you’re renting the place, it’s your space. You need to get notice certainly, and even though she’s your mom, you should get to decide when and if she can stay over. Now, because this is fraught, I’d suggest you and your roommate just find another place.

I know this is hard! But what you’re dealing with is truly unacceptable to most people, and it sounds like you’d really, really benefit from more space from your mother. Let her learn the lesson by renting the place to someone else–who will NOT put up with the BS you’re dealing with now.

Mammoth_Leg_8489 −  Mom will always be a pain, move out and find another place.

dragonetta123 −  I’d advise that you and your roommate look to find somewhere else to live.

OldGmaw2023 −  They are building a house 1 block away = this will get worse ..

OldGmaw2023 −  It is going to blow up – Mom don’t have boundaries and never will as long as you ‘rent’ HER home .. All the rules because “its her way or highway”. You and roommate need to look for a place together .. this situation is not fair to roommate she is a adult that don’t need Your Moms Rules for a Tenant..

Let her try that with a stranger renting from her = they’d laugh in her face.. No one has a right to tell full grown adults what they do in a home they are renting .. no boyfriends no drinking no parties etc…

The No Smoking Inside ‘may’ be allowed on a lease , but that ‘might’ be the only rule she could have and renters would still be ‘allowed’ to smoke outside on a porch / I doubt if she could ban on entire property. Find somewhere else to live be prepared for the relationship with Mom to Blow Up – until she realizes she can’t control You as a adult…

Now – This all depends on if you are a Working Financially Independent Adult… if You are Financially Dependent real cheap rent / mom’s paying for college / car etc. If you can’t afford to walk away from the $ support = you are stuck..

Intelligent-Log-7363 −  You and your mom need to decide is she mom or landlord regarding the house, she can’t be both. Hop online and look at basic rental contracts and give her one and let her know you’d like one in place. Might be an easier way of setting some boundaries. And NTA

Lucky-Effective-1564 −  The fact your mother stays over unannounced is only a small part of the problem here. You’re 27 and mommy is saying no drinking, no boyfriends in YOUR HOME! Get out of there.

k23_k23 −  YWNBTA. Do either that, or move out and rent somewhere else.

mathhews95 −  NTA. No, it’s not normal for your landlord to show up unannounced at your place. If she has keys, take them back or change the locks. It might be her house, but she’s renting it, so it’s not for her to use it anymore.

At the same time, can a landlord stop you from drinking, smoking, or bringing boyfriends over to the house you’re living in? Either you set straight boundaries with your landlord and enforce them or move.

Designer-Map-4265 −  whats the actual rent paying situation? are you guys barely paying anything and shes bascially subsizing you’re rent? because if so then you can’t really say s**t without moving out, if not then you still need to find a new place with a real landlord lmfao.

Do you think the Redditor would be justified in setting boundaries with their mom, or is it unreasonable given the mom owns the house? How would you handle a landlord acting like a live-in roommate? Share your thoughts and advice below!