Marriage is about partnership—supporting each other emotionally, physically, and financially. But what happens when one spouse decides that “support” only applies to them? The Original Poster (OP) thought she was marrying an equal partner, but instead, she ended up with a husband who saw their marriage as a free ride.

After he secretly quit his job and lied about looking for another, OP put her foot down and refused to let him continue freeloading. Now, she’s being shamed by his family for refusing to finance his laziness. Did she overreact, or was she simply standing up for herself? Let’s dive into this infuriating situation.

‘AITA for asking my husband to stay with his family while he’s unemployed?’

Expert Opinion: Financial Abuse and the Importance of Mutual Contribution in Marriage

The Problem: Financial Control Disguised as Dependence

At its core, this is a case of financial manipulation. OP’s husband didn’t just become unemployed—he chose to quit his job without discussing it and then misled her into believing he was still looking for work. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, states, “Financial deception in marriage is a major breach of trust and can lead to long-term resentment and relationship breakdown.”

By unilaterally deciding to stop working and expecting OP to shoulder all financial burdens, her husband demonstrated a complete lack of respect for her as an equal partner. A healthy relationship involves mutual decision-making, not one partner forcing the other into a caregiver role.

The Risks of Financial Dependence

While there’s nothing wrong with one partner being the primary breadwinner, this must be a mutual agreement—not a one-sided decision. According to the National Endowment for Financial Education, partners who do not contribute financially to a household can often develop a sense of entitlement, expecting financial support without considering the strain on their spouse.

OP’s husband not only took advantage of her financial stability but actively deceived her to continue his leisurely lifestyle. This isn’t about needing time to get back on his feet—it’s about him making a choice to live off his wife’s hard work while doing nothing in return.

How OP Should Move Forward

Consult a Lawyer Immediately: If OP is considering divorce, she should ensure her assets are protected before he can claim financial dependency.
Stay Firm in Boundaries: Letting him return without job prospects would only reinforce his entitlement.
Consider Therapy (for Herself): Financial and emotional manipulation can take a toll. OP may benefit from therapy to rebuild her confidence and self-worth.
Demand Accountability: If the relationship is to continue, OP’s husband must contribute—whether financially or through household responsibilities.