AITA for asking my husband to not attend his sister’s wedding?

A woman married into a family where cultural and religious differences have created tension. Despite her efforts, her husband’s family has been cold, with his father being openly critical and his sisters dismissive or unresponsive. Now, her husband’s youngest sister is having a destination wedding,

and the wife doesn’t want to attend due to the lack of acknowledgment or celebration of their own marriage. Her husband insists they attend to “fix” the family dynamic, but she feels uninvited, unwelcomed, and unwilling to spend money celebrating someone who hasn’t embraced her presence. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for asking my husband to not attend his sister’s wedding ?’

My husband and I got married 7 months ago. He assured me his family would love me despite our different cultures and religions. I’m African American, raised Muslim; he’s African, converted to Islam at 18, his family is Christian.

Before marriage, I met his mother, who was polite but not entirely warm and welcoming. When I met both parents later, his father spent the conversation shouting that my husband, as their only son, must fulfill cultural obligations, and demanded I learn their language, culture, and fully support my husband as an Igbo man.

My husband’s eldest sister refused to meet me 3x. She happened to be visiting his parents’ home once when we visited and he tried to finally introduce us. She dismissed me with a “Oh…hey” and turned away. His 2nd sister, who lives at home…

I tried initiating a conversation, it was one-sided and she got up and left in the middle of it, haven’t met his youngest sister, who lives abroad. I asked my MIL why the family was so offish and unwelcoming,

and she said it was because I hadn’t greeted his father “properly” I learned that I was to say “Good Morning” in Igbo and ask the father if he slept well when he enters the room. I’ve always been a shy/quiet person, although during visits I’ve always said hello, thank you for any water/fruit offered me,

I’d bring gifts for his mother (perfume, chocolates, decorative vase) and I’d sit politely amongst them all speaking a language I don’t understand. His mother told me not to worry too much about it, told me to earn the father’s approval and the sisters will then essentially have to accept me.

I reached out to his eldest sister sharing that I felt she was quite offish during meeting at their parents’ home, and that I felt she and her sisters had not given me a chance, already deciding to not accept me literally without ever having personally met me for herself. She never responded.

Visiting his parents is exhausting. His father is often rude, scolding me for using my left hand to hand him something, criticizing me for not speaking Igbo. Despite this, my husband insists I keep trying to build a relationship with his family.

I’ve asked to stay in the car when he swings by their house for various reasons, to which he always makes me feel bad and tells me to come inside and greet his parents. Now, his youngest sister is planning a destination wedding. I don’t want to attend, she *nor* his family celebrated *our* marriage.

Spending thousands to celebrate her marriage when she doesn’t even acknowledge that I exist feels weird? My husband says I’m being unfair and wants to “fix” the situation, but it feels like begging for acceptance. At this point, I simply want to focus on the family we hope to one day start and our marriage.

I don’t want anything to do with his family but I’m being guilt tripped into attending a wedding I haven’t *actually* been invited to. He’s *assuming* I’m invited because I’m his wife, but his sister hasn’t *actually* offered invitation to me. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

whataboutthelipstick −  NTA, it sounds like his family sucks, but also your husband let all of those happen without being on your side and still choosing not to be. Does he even like you?

Expensive_Visual_594 −  Your problem is really with your husband. It’s his job to bridge this relationship with his family. For me, if I wasn’t getting his support I would leave the marriage. 

sausagemice −  NTA. how long have you known your husband before you got married? cuz if you didn’t have any interactions with them before you got married, he completely blindsided you. makes it doubly worse that he won’t even stand up for you as the partner he chose…

Talisa87 −  OP, I’m gonna level with you as a Nigerian woman: this is never going to end. First of all, you’re Muslim and you’re not Igbo. In my country, there are still heavy divides along religion and tribe. Second of all, it sounds like you married into a very traditional Igbo home where your FIL rules as king.

And very traditional homes have rules, ESPECIALLY for women. You’re expected to be the perfect in-law and wife, in that order specifically. Your husband grew up in that. His refusal to defend you and then put the onus on YOU to continually jump through hoops for approval that will never come (short of you renouncing your faith and becoming a subservient doormat)?

It sounds like he’s just waiting for you to break down or give up, so you can behave in the way his family wants you to behave. I’d bet money they probably have a nice Christian Igbo girl from their hometown, ready to take your place with their approval.

And this isn’t an exaggeration, this has played out before in my life. NTA, but you’re going to have to make some very hard decisions very soon before he gets your pregnant.

jajbliss −  As a Nigerian, I’d advise you to end this marriage because it’s already ”dead on arrival” and your in laws are hostile because you are Muslim and not Igbo. I’d never date an Igbo man because their relatives are sometimes very tribalistic and prefer a daughter in law from their own TRIBE or village.

Your FIL will never accept your kids as heirs to his fortune(I suppose he is rich) and they will encourage your husband to get a second wife(an Igbo girl they approve of), whose kids get to inherit everything grandpa has. Don’t bother asking your husband not to go to his sister’s wedding, he will not listen because it will cause a major scandal, just cut your losses and run! NTA

Dittoheadforever −  You’re NTA told me to earn the father’s approval and the sisters will then essentially have to accept me. S**ew that. I’d sit politely amongst them all speaking a language I don’t understand.. S**ew them.

Despite this, my husband insists I keep trying to build a relationship with his family My husband says I’m being unfair and wants to “fix” the situation. S**ew him. He will not change in this. Is this really what you want?

Proper_Rush_9367 −  You don’t have an in-law problem, you have a husband problem. He’s never going to put you before your in-laws so you need to decide if you want this future.

diminishingpatience −  NTA but your husband is the real problem here. He’s made a commitment to you but is doing nothing to back it up.

Ok_Homework_7621 −  NTA Reconsider the marriage because this only gets worse. Make sure you don’t get pregnant in the meantime.

Should she prioritize mending relationships or stand firm on her boundaries? Is her husband right to push for reconciliation, or is he ignoring her valid concerns? Share your thoughts below!