AITA for asking my friend to choose between me and her boyfriend after he insulted my fiance at dinner?
A Redditor shared their conflict with their best friend, Lucy, after Lucy’s boyfriend, Tim, repeatedly insulted the Redditor’s fiancé, Jake. The situation came to a head during a dinner where Tim made a particularly cutting remark about Jake’s job.
Leading the Redditor to confront him and ask Lucy to choose between their friendship or her relationship with Tim. While Lucy believes the Redditor is overreacting, others are divided on whether this was an appropriate response. Read the full story below to decide who’s in the wrong.
‘ AITA for asking my friend to choose between me and her boyfriend after he insulted my fiance at dinner?’
I (28F) have been best friends with Lucy (27F) for over 10 years. We’ve been through everything together, good and bad. I’m getting married in a few months to my fiance, Jake (30M), and things have been going great. Jake and I are both pretty easygoing, but one thing that really bothers me is how Lucy’s boyfriend, Tim (32M), has been treating him.
At first, Tim was polite and got along well with us both, but over the last year, he’s started making passive-aggressive comments about Jake’s job, our wedding plans, and even our lifestyle. Tim has a pretty high-paying job and comes from a wealthy family, while Jake and I aren’t exactly rolling in money, but we’re comfortable and happy.
Tim’s always been the type to flaunt his wealth, and he’s made several comments like, “Well, I wouldn’t want to be stuck with a job like that,” or “I guess some people just don’t know what it’s like to have real money.” I let it slide for a while because I didn’t want to cause drama, but last week at a dinner, things crossed a line.
Jake was talking about his job, and Tim interrupted, saying, “Wow, that sounds miserable. I don’t know how you can stand it. You should really think about upgrading your life and not just scraping by.” The whole table went silent. I was furious. Jake didn’t say anything, but I could tell it hurt him.
I tried to stay calm, but I told Tim that his comment was uncalled for and disrespectful. He just shrugged and said, “Well, it’s true, isn’t it?”
I was so upset I asked him to leave, and Lucy got really defensive, saying that I was overreacting and that Tim was just being “honest.”
She tried to downplay the situation, but I couldn’t let it go. I told Lucy that if she and wanted to continue being friends with me, she’d have to choose between me and Tim. I felt like she wasn’t standing up for me or Jake, and I didn’t want someone who disrespects my fiance around anymore.
Lucy has been really hurt by this and says I’m being controlling and unreasonable. She thinks I’m making her choose between her best friend and her boyfriend over something that “wasn’t a big deal.”
Some mutual friends say I’m in the right for defending Jake, while others think I went too far and should have handled it differently. So, AITA for asking my friend to choose between me and her boyfriend after he insulted my fiance?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Spoedi-Probes − NTA. Ask Lucy why Tim wants to hang out with “Poor People” and why he is not welcome in the wealthy circles?
Cute-Profession9983 − She wants that money!
Whinteda1 − NTA. Looks like Tim’s wallet isn’t the only hefty thing he’s carrying around his attitude needs checking too! You’re not being controlling; you’re drawing a line where it needed to be drawn. Your wedding and your future marriage should be about positive vibes only, not about handling someone’s “honesty” that’s just thinly veiled insults.
If Lucy values your decade-long friendship, she should at least understand why you’d want to keep your circle respectful and supportive. You stood up for your fiancé and your future, and that’s commendable. Maybe Tim can use some of that wealth to buy a class on tact.
Me-myself-I-2024 − the fact she doesn’t feel her BF’s pisstaking is a big deal for you BF says it all. Let her f**k off with Mr A. R. Sole and see how she likes it when he turns on her. She’s WOW’d by his money and too s**t scared to stand up to him. Good riddance to both of them I’d say
JudithLOs − Your “friend” is not a friend.
BulbasaurRanch − Yeah, his actions are unacceptable but your approach is totally fucked up. You put her in an impossible position and will likely lose the friend because of your unreasonable demands.
You had the option of “I don’t like your boyfriend and won’t socialize with him anymore, I’m still friends with you but I cant support your boyfriend in anything and won’t subject myself to him any longer”. Or the nuclear option. You made your choice, you can’t be upset when you lose your decade long friendship because of it.
bad-mean-daddy − Frankly if my partner was constantly sniping at someone when I took them to a party or meal, I would have a chat with them in private to stop that behaviour. It’s rude and boorish.
If they didn’t stop embarrassing me by doing so I would stop taking them and seriously consider why they were being a tw@t. The fact your friend didn’t pull her bf up before you did means she is not wanting to jeopardise getting access to that rich life. D**p her
NanaLeonie − YTA for asking your friend to make a choice. YOU should have been the one to make the choice and d**p that friend and her sour ass boyfriend.
DangerDog619 − Why are you responding to an AI story?. This is pure fiction. Dead giveaways are the use of the name Jake and the format of the concluding paragraph.
Do you think the Redditor was justified in asking their friend to choose, or was this an overreaction to Tim’s comments? How would you handle a situation where your partner is disrespected by a close friend’s significant other? Share your thoughts and perspectives in the comments below!