AITA for asking my fiances family for a kids free wedding?

A Redditor shared a dilemma over wanting a child-free wedding, which has caused tension with their fiancé’s close-knit family. Although they provided ample time for guests to arrange childcare, many family members have expressed they won’t attend without their kids. Read the full story below to see how they’re handling this tricky situation.

‘ AITA for asking my fiances family for a kids free wedding?’

AITA because I don’t want kids at my wedding? My (27) fiance (33) and I have been dating for 6 months and are planning on getting married in another 6. We are very in love and I know that he’s the one that I want to be with.

I come from a family that is not very closer with extended family (i.e. cousins, aunts, uncles), and being the youngest member growing up I never had to babysit or be around any younger siblings or cousins. My fiance comes from a family that is very close to each other and their extended family.

There are 11 kids between his siblings, cousins, and a friend that are all under the age of 10, and two older teenagers. Most of the kids are well behaved and act like normal kids, but there are a few that are not disciplined, throw tantrums often, and generally just don’t listen.

I told my fiance when we were first planning the wedding that I didn’t want to have kids there, and even though he generally would of liked to have them, he agreed. We sent out invitations that noted this would be a child-free wedding.

Most of his cousins, friends, and one sibling have told us that they would not be able to come since they couldn’t bring their kids. This is the majority of our wedding party and people we want attending since we planned to have a small wedding.

I feel like since we are giving several months for them to plan a babysitter or another friend to watch their kids they should be able to come. We have been trying to come to a compromise and he would like the two older teenagers to babysit the kids at the wedding, and we would have to pay them to do this out of our own pockets.

I don’t want to do this because of the few kids that misbehave often, and 11 kids is a lot for two teenagers. I don’t want us or our families to pay money for a wedding my fiance or I won’t enjoy, but I also want our family and friends to come. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

jrm1102 −  YTA – there needs to be an AITA FAQ. – You can have a child free wedding. – people can decline because of it. You expecting everyone to just do as you say and fall in line makes you an AH.

reggiesnap −  YTA for wanting things exclusively your way. First, some folks said they couldn’t attend. You can ask for a childfree wedding and it is *very common* that some people won’t attend. Yes, they have plenty of time to plan a babysitter, but it sounds like they don’t want to. You made your choice, they made theirs.

Then there is the idea to involve some older kids as babysitters for the younger kids. You don’t like that either. So ultimately, you’re uninterested in compromise. You want a childfree wedding that people are obligated to attend, and that’s unrealistic.

WiptyWap −  Why in the hell are you guys planning a wedding after only six months?! I don’t think this is going to end well.

Unique-Assumption619 −  YTA because you want your cake and to eat it too. Babysitters cost money and some parents just aren’t comfortable leaving their kids with non-family members.

You can totally, completely your choice, have a kid-free wedding, however you can’t get upset when guests with kids decide not to go. It just isn’t going to work for them. You wanted child-free so that’s what you’re getting.

Primary-Criticism929 −  YTA, not because you want a childfree wedding, but because you’re not respecting the fact that people have the right to refuse your wedding invitation, whatever the reason is. You made your choice. They made theirs.

Wonderful-Teach8210 −  YTA. This isn’t just your wedding, and it sounds like your fiance only agreed to your terms reluctantly. You really want to alienate your new in-laws over a desire to have “YOUR day” the way YOU want it? That is no way to start a marriage.

andromache97 −  I don’t want us or our families to pay money for a wedding my fiance or I won’t enjoy, but I also want our family and friends to come. welp, you can’t have it both ways. fwiw it sounds like your fiance would enjoy the wedding just fine with the kids there.

(i had a childfree wedding and i think they’re great, but it’s really not fair when the partner whose side of the family/friends is way less impacted insists on having a childfree wedding. YTA)

Mother_Tradition_774 −  YTA. Don’t have a child free wedding if you’re not ok with all of the parents on your guest list declining your invitation. If you really want these people there, you’ll have to let them bring their kids. Simple as that.

Prudent_Fold190 −  YTA. If you want the people who have kids to come to your wedding then don’t have a child free wedding. You have absolutely no right to expect anyone to have childcare solutions they are not comfortable with. Kids have different needs and not everyone can just hire a babysitter.

Lastly, If your fiance is really close with his family then you will want to be too. This could start the wedding off on the wrong foot. A wedding is not just an expensive party, it’s a melding of families and welcoming of each of you into each other’s families…

the reason I’m mentioning this is my husband’s family is also really close, but mine not so much. I left some people out of the wedding invites because I wanted the wedding small and didn’t really understand how supportive extended family members can be. I regret that now.

Open-Incident-3601 −  YTA. It’s your husband’s day too.

Do you think the couple’s request for a child-free wedding is fair, or should they consider a compromise to accommodate family expectations? How would you balance a dream wedding with family wishes? Share your thoughts below!