AITA for asking money for the food I bought for friend’s wedding?

Imagine being the friend who goes above and beyond to make a wedding unforgettable—only to end up feeling more like a catering coordinator than a cherished guest. In this tale, a well-meaning 28-year-old finds herself entangled in a two-day Spanish-Italian wedding where logistics, last-minute grocery runs, and impromptu cooking shifts the spotlight from celebration to unexpected expenses. Despite being honored as the bride’s witness and lending a helping hand in countless ways, the unforeseen responsibility of footing a significant portion of the food bill left her reeling.

As the festivities unfolded far from the comforts of home, the reality of the situation sank in. What was meant to be an exciting, heartfelt occasion morphed into a stressful scramble over shopping lists and split expenses. When the cost of nourishing a sizeable group unexpectedly fell on her, the emotional toll was compounded by harsh criticisms from the very friends she’d supported. This unexpected twist raises a compelling question: when does going the extra mile start to feel like too much of a burden?

‘AITA for asking money for the food I bought for friend’s wedding?’

I am 28F living in DE with a well-paid job, currently supporting both, myself and my bf, who lost his job. Recently, I was invited to a two-day Spanish-Italian wedding as the bride’s witness. The two day event was held three hours away from the city and included a wedding ceremony, lunch, party and next day a barbecue to celebrate the relative’s birthday.

We were told not to bring any gifts as the couple has planned second wedding in Italy for 80+ people and rented out a mansion. The groom’s family is very rich. As a witness and best friend, I always went above and beyond by helping her in every day life. For the wedding I rented a car for +250 euro, I was picking up guests and helping a lot with logistics (bringing ppl from and to the airport).

However, things took a weird turn when I arrived to the barbecue and was told that there is not enough food for us and we have to go shopping. Fine, it happens, we made a list of groceries for ourselves. While we shopped, I got calls from the hosts to buy more food. My bf was even asked to get fresh bread. At the barbecue, I was asked to help with cooking which I ended up doing for one hour.

The food which we bought was distributed around all tables, meaning that we kinda sponsored the barbecue which we were invited to? The stupidest moment was that when my bf asked for bread, he wasn’t allowed to take the fresh bread he bought? Fiancé’s relative was not doing much, he was suffering from hangover from previous night.

Others were hanging around and enjoying the setup. I had a n**ty feeling, though I was happy that I could help. Afterwards, the couple went on a honeymoon and asked me to take care of their plants for one month, which is totally fine with me. I prepared them a nice bottle of champagne to celebrate their return from the Honeymoon.

As I spent a lot of money on food, I wanted to get some reimbursement. It’s not like I bought food for only my bf, my friend and me, but for all others who could have gone shopping as well. I added the expenses to Splitwise and assigned 2/5 to the bride. Despite my efforts and expenses, I was harshly criticized for being a terrible friend, for not bringing a present, not washing dishes, or contributing enough financially.

I was told that I should be thankful that their friends allowed us to stay overnight (we got them a bottle of expensive wine as a thank you). Then her fiance accused me of trying to get their money and suggested I check my finances. The groom even implied that I didn’t do enough for the wedding.

However, I had already followed their words not to bring a gift and had been supportive in various ways. I was at work and all of this destroyed me emotionally. In conclusion, I felt unappreciated and hurt by the accusations and misunderstandings from my friend and the couple. I had genuinely tried to help and contribute, but it seemed like my efforts were not recognized or valued.

When personal gestures cross the line into financial overreach, even the best of intentions can spark unforeseen tensions. Event planning specialist and relationship advisor Dr. Amelia Rivera explains, “Being a supportive friend doesn’t mean you should bear the financial responsibility of someone else’s celebration. Boundaries in shared expenses are essential to maintain healthy relationships.”

Her words echo the importance of clear communication and mutual understanding in collaborative events. In this case, the bride’s witness found herself in a precarious situation where her contributions—though heartfelt and extensive—translated into unexpected out-of-pocket expenses.

Dr. Rivera further notes that events blending personal celebrations with group responsibilities require careful planning: “Everyone should contribute fairly when expenses are involved, especially when roles and responsibilities are already clearly defined.”

The lack of a clear financial arrangement before the event led to misunderstandings, causing the witness to feel undervalued and taken for granted. The situation serves as a cautionary tale: even in the spirit of friendship, there must be transparency about what is expected financially.

In many modern celebrations, informal arrangements like splitting costs via apps such as Splitwise are common, but they only work when all parties agree in advance. The witness’s decision to itemize her expenses and seek reimbursement was a reasonable step toward fairness, especially when the couple explicitly requested no gifts. Instead, her gesture of goodwill turned into a trigger for criticism, as friends and even the couple’s family members questioned her loyalty and generosity.

This complex scenario underscores how financial miscommunications at significant life events can lead to lasting emotional scars, even among the closest of friends. By setting clear expectations from the outset, future celebrations might avoid the delicate balance between support and financial strain. For more insights into managing shared expenses at events, Dr. Rivera’s advice can be found on her website

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly supports OP, arguing that it’s unfair for her to bear the food costs for the wedding. Many commenters emphasize that OP played a crucial role in ensuring the event’s success, yet she ended up being financially taken advantage of. Several voices advise her to demand proper reimbursement or to reconsider her friendship with people who fail to appreciate her contributions. Overall, the consensus is clear: OP is not at fault, and this situation reflects an unhealthy dynamic in her friendships.

nonamejohnsonmore −  NTA. Use the champagne to water the plants and cut them out of your life.

Fresh_Caramel8148 −  I’d very clearly tell her that this is her wedding and while you were willing to help with your TIME, it should not fall on you to PAY FOR their wedding. It’s as simple as that. If she pushes back, if she doesn’t apologize, then you need to really think about this friendship and analyze if it’s actually a reciprocal friendship. Would she have done so much for you?

BingDingos −  Info: The response seems to be all from the fiance and not your friend. What does your friend think?

Mapilean −  NTA. You realized what kind of “friends” they are, when they showed you their true colors, though. Be thankful for that. If they insist not paying you back, tell them to consider it your wedding present, then drop the acquaintance entirely.

glamourcrow −  They aren’t your friends. They treat you as a servant. I would let their plants die and drink the champagne myself. Get some self-respect and new friends.. NTA

me_version_2 −  Some people who are very rich stay that way because they take advantage of other people. Like making them buy food for a whole group. Do you really want these people in your life for them to continue to take advantage of you. It will now always be at the back of your mind. NTA.

yolo_pcar3107 −  NTA. You should send her this post link and the total of your groceries. Tell her if she doesn’t pay, it’s her wedding present.

Mortified-Pride −  Itemize every thing you did for them – as you did in your post – and send it to both of them.

Lia_Delphine −  NTA I hope you told them were the could stick their plants.

Fragrant_Spray −  It sounds like you got invited to a party and they ambushed you into not only catering, but covering the expenses for the food. Then, they got mad when you didn’t clean up after or bring a present that they told you not to bring. Under what circumstances would you think you’d be an a-hole?

At the end of the day, being a supportive friend shouldn’t mean being taken advantage of. While the witness went above and beyond for a celebration, her genuine contributions ended up costing her both money and emotional peace. This story highlights a common dilemma: when does helping out cross the line into unfair financial burden?

How should friends navigate the fine line between support and self-respect when clear expectations aren’t set? What are your thoughts on balancing friendship and financial fairness? Share your experiences and join the discussion—your insights might be just what someone else needs to hear.