AITA for asking moms boyfriend to stop trying to parent me?

Nothing can truly prepare you for losing a parent, especially when it happens suddenly. After the death of his father, the Original Poster (OP) faced another upheaval when his mother introduced a new boyfriend into the family. While everyone else seems enthusiastic, OP feels like his father’s memory is being overshadowed—particularly since the boyfriend is trying to enforce rules and establish parental authority over a 23-year-old adult who’s days away from completing college.

Despite their significant age gap, the boyfriend insists that OP share possessions, follow curfews, and adhere to strict guidelines “just like the younger kids.” After one too many attempts to treat OP like a teenager, OP finally had enough—leading to a blowout where he told the boyfriend to stop acting like a father figure. Now, friends and family are divided over whether OP handled the situation correctly.

‘ AITA for asking moms boyfriend to stop trying to parent me?’

Below is the original post that sparked the debate about an overreaching boyfriend, a grieving adult son, and the tension between them:

While grief at any age is challenging, losing a parent in early adulthood can be uniquely disorienting. According to grief counselor Dr. David Kessler, “when you’re emerging into your own adult life, you still rely on a parent’s advice and emotional support.” In OP’s case, his father’s sudden absence leaves a void—one a new parental figure can’t simply fill, no matter how “nice” he might be. It’s essential for OP’s mother and her boyfriend to understand that OP isn’t just a child who can be slotted into a blended family dynamic.

Boundaries for an Adult Child
At 23, OP has effectively completed the typical childhood home-rules phase. Imposing curfews, chores, or restricting “car privileges” isn’t simply unfair—psychologists agree it can actually undermine the maturing process. Dr. Margaret Paul, co-creator of Inner Bonding, emphasizes that “emerging adults need the freedom to make choices, come and go, and own their space.” If OP’s mother’s boyfriend wants a good relationship, respecting OP’s autonomy is crucial.

The Role of Mom and Communication
It’s also important to look at the mother’s stance. She’s ultimately the homeowner, and the new boyfriend may be overstepping in areas she hasn’t explicitly addressed. Couples counselor Dr. Sue Johnson argues that, in blended households, it’s the biological parent’s responsibility to navigate new boundaries. Ideally, OP’s mother should clarify household expectations, especially for an adult son who isn’t a minor. The boyfriend’s unilateral attempts to parent could create long-term friction, particularly with OP still processing grief.

Finding Common Ground (If Possible)
If there’s a desire to mend fences, a straightforward talk with all three parties—OP, his mother, and the boyfriend—might help. This talk should center on OP’s adult status and the normalcy of different household rules for a 23-year-old versus teenagers. Until that clarity is established, OP is likely to feel suffocated, and the boyfriend will continue overstepping. A neutral space or a brief mediation session could reframe their roles: OP as an adult child with certain freedoms, and the boyfriend as a supportive partner to OP’s mother—not a substitute father.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Check out how the community responded:

Navigating a new family dynamic after losing a parent is never straightforward. OP’s frustration is understandable—he’s grieving, and at 23, he has outgrown the house-rules model for minors. Should the boyfriend accept that OP is an adult who needs space, or is there a middle ground for compromise? Share your perspectives below.