AITA for asking a stranger why they were touching me?

A Reddit user shared an unsettling encounter at a bar where a stranger invaded their personal space by grabbing their shoulders and whispering an odd comment. Feeling uncomfortable, the user responded firmly, questioning his actions, which led to an awkward exchange.

A friend suggested they could have reacted more gently, but the user stood by their decision, emphasizing the importance of addressing inappropriate behavior directly. Was their reaction justified, or could it have been handled differently? Read the full story below to weigh in.

‘ AITA for asking a stranger why they were touching me?’

So, I was at a bar with my friends, having a conversation, when I suddenly felt two hands grab my shoulders. The person whispered in my ear something along the lines of, “Stay youthful, and you’ll always feel free,” or something random like that. I turned around and realized it was a complete stranger around his 30s (im in my 20s).

My first reaction was to say, “Okay, but why are you grabbing me like that?” His response was, “I don’t know, I just saw you looking at me earlier.” I explained, “I turned around once because we were talking about something private, and I wanted to check if anyone was listening.” He then said, “Oh, maybe I mistook you for someone else.”

At that point, I felt really uncomfortable. The whole mood shifted for me, and my friend sitting next to me noticed and asked if I was okay. She later said, “Maybe you could have been more gentle in how you responded.” But I told her I felt violated—he invaded my personal space and crossed a boundary.

I also explained that when someone does something inappropriate, I trust my instincts and respond firmly. I believe that if you call people out in a way that humbles them, they’re less likely to do the same thing to someone else. Also, if he just said hello and introduced himself i would have reacted very differently.

Even though I stood up for myself, I felt awkward and weird afterward. I couldn’t shake the discomfort, and I really just wanted to leave. Now I’m questioning if I was too aggressive or if there’s a better way to handle situations like this. Was I wrong for how I reacted?

See what others had to share with OP:

Brynne42 −  Don’t be polite to men who c**ep you out. It’s not your job to comfort them, don’t be polite to men who c**ep you out. NTA.

believe_in_claude −  A random person grabbing my shoulders and whispering in my ear would get a “WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” from me. Guy’s lucky he hasn’t been slapped. You were much more level headed than I would have been. Being touched like that is a violation of your personal space. Don’t let anyone tell you that you should be polite to someone who would do that.

BerserkerRed −  NTA. There was 0 reason for him to touch you. If it felt off it’s because it was. Always trust your instincts. Dude was being super creepy. I’m a guy and that interaction is weird as hell. From the touching to the creepy statement. F that guy.

Naive_Swan913 −  Not too aggressive, always trust your gut. It ended up being “harmless” this time but you never know someone’s intentions. Keep being you! (I worked at a bar throughout college, so I highly recommend your response. I’ve seen some weird / bad stuff happen).

TruthSeeker-00 −  Definitely a c**ep, men do this all the time trying to see how you’ll respond, the fact he used two hands to grab you whispered that in your ear then did the ‘oh I thought you gave me a sign by looking in my general direction’ bs them. Changed his story to ‘I thought you were someone else… yeah sure. I guess at least it sounds like he didn’t persist after that.

FocusFearless583 −  Not rude at all but your friend is weird for trying to chastise you about it..what person comes up to a complete stranger and touches them/whispers in their ear…dude was a c**ep…I would’ve told him outright to not touch me at all and be loud were people would look and turn their heads.

GirlyNorte_ −  It’s understandable to feel shaken after an encounter like that. You set a clear boundary, which is important, especially when someone invades your personal space in an unexpected and uncomfortable way. Your response was firm, but I think it’s also great that you’re reflecting on it.

In situations like this, it’s okay to be direct—trusting your instincts and standing up for yourself is always valid. If anything, this is a reminder that setting boundaries is key, and if someone crosses them, they should understand the impact of their actions. You handled it well, and you shouldn’t have to second-guess your comfort and safety.

TinkleAhoy −  You are nowhere near the wrong for how you reacted. Your friend should’ve been more understanding with the way you handled the situation. The way you reacted was completely justified. Your response to the stranger clearly expressed your discomfort while questioning the guy’s actions. You handled the situation perfectly.

lordmwahaha −  NTA. More people should respond this way. Embarrass people who think it’s okay to touch strangers, and they’ll learn not to do it. 

ALincolnBrigade −  You would have been within your rights to tell him to f**k off. Men get away with that s**t all the time.