AITA for arguing with my mother and bringing the mood down on how I hate her always “whispering” instructions to me even though I already know what to do?

A Redditor describes a growing frustration with their mother, who persistently whispers “instructions” in public settings, even though they’re already doing the expected actions. Despite asking her to stop, she laughs it off, leading to a confrontation at a recent gathering. Were they justified in expressing their annoyance, or did they overreact? Read on for the details.

‘ AITA for arguing with my mother and bringing the mood down on how I hate her always “whispering” instructions to me even though I already know what to do?’

I(M25) love my mom(56) a lot, she is a very sweet lady and showers me with love, sometimes too much. But there’s been a pet peeve I have with her which is that she would always whisper instructions in my ear whenever we are in public like family or social gatherings on things I should do.

Thing is I already do them and know to do them and even though she thinks she is being discreet it’s obvious you can see her move visibly to my ear and whisper to me telling me what to do.. What are the instructions?. “Say hi to X and X”. “Smile at everyone”. “Open your eyes wider”(for pictures). “Make conversation”. “Make sure to eat your food”. “Make sure you greet everyone”.

Thing is I ALREADY DO THESE THINGS, AUTOMATICALLY LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. I AM A 25 YEAR OLD MAN STOP TELLING ME TO DO THINGS I HAVE ALREADY LEARNT TO DO AS PART OF ETTIQUETE AND THINKING YOUR BEING DISCREET EVERYONE CAN SEE YOU.

I tell her to stop and she says she will but then she laughs and find sit silly. I recently blew up at her about it because I’ve just been getting so annoyed by it and she won’t stop, imagine having your own mom go up to your ear and whisper to you an instruction of something YOU ALREADY DID OR WILL DO even though you are 25 like wtf?!

I’m not a f**king i**ot I already know to f**king say hello to people and smile for the camera stop doing that it makes me look like some i**ot that can’t do s**t until someone tells them AITA for blowing up at her and basically arguing at her to stop bringing the mood down?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

VicePresidentMeyer −  NTA. She has been doing it in public so you addressed it in public. This sounds annoying as hell and you said you have politely asked her to stop before. She kept doing and it and got what was coming.. Edited for typo.

Kirstemis −  NTA.Get in first. Mum, remember to say hello to everyone and ask how they are. Mum, remember your table manners in the restaurant. Mum, look at the camera and smile.

Neon_Owl_333 −  Like Tony Hale in Veep? I think you should flip the switch on her, and try a similar thing. Point out people she knows like “that’s your sister Sandy”, or “your neighbour, he’s lived next door since I was a child, his name is George.”

Aware_Welcome_8866 −  Walk away as soon as she leans in. Or repeat what she’s whispered. “Why yes mom. I know I should greet people.” I know this is a big problem for you, but on the continuum of family problems, there should be a fix to this one.

NiobeTonks −  NTA. It’s infuriating. My youngest sister does this to me all the time! I’m in my 50s. It suggests that your mother thinks you’re incompetent. I would address it before an event; tell her that you’re walking away from her the first minute she does it. Ask her if she’s worried about you not knowing how to behave in public, does she feel insecure about her parenting of you? Otherwise whisper back “I’m 25” every time she whispers an instruction.

paul_rudds_drag_race −  NTA “If you think at 25 I don’t know how to do these basic things, then you have to admit yourself that in some ways you’ve failed as a mother. In which case, you have no business giving instructions. Spend more time reflecting on your incompetence and less time trying to boss me around.” But yeah a better approach is to just make her annoyed/upset/embarrassed in the moment so she associates her b**lshit with a negative feeling.

PlumPat61 −  NTA if it were me I’d confront it every time it happened. Progressively louder as needed to get her to stop.

AlmostChristmasNow −  NTA. My dad is great at that, too, and it’s really annoying. (With my dad it’s usually not etiquette stuff but even more like he thinks I’m a small child, like telling me to remember to wear a jacket while it’s snowing outside.) It’s annoying and when it’s in public it’s embarrassing.

kurokomainu −  NTA Start doing it to her. When she asks you what you think you are doing, tell her that as she is getting on years it’s time for you to return the favor and start looking out for her now. It may seem that you are both adults who don’t need any cues or reminding, but the fact is you are now in your prime adult years so if this needs to continue at all, it’s obviously your turn to take over.

DarKGosth616 −  Being told to do something you are already actively doing can be really annoying nta.