AITA for always having a bland meal prepared for my sister in law when we host at our home since she considered my cooking to be p**sant food?

Family gatherings can be a minefield when personal preferences collide with long-held opinions about food. In this story, a 45-year-old woman explains why she consistently prepares a bland, unseasoned meal for her sister-in-law, Wendy—whose disdain for her cooking has been a running issue ever since a previous post about serving “dog food” to a woman her brother-in-law married.

Despite the host’s willingness to offer a full spread, she always makes sure that Wendy has a safe, neutral option available. Now, after a recent dinner party raised questions about cross-contamination and dietary restrictions, the situation has come to a head. Is she the a**hole for refusing to change her routine and for being passive-aggressive about it?

‘AITA for always having a bland meal prepared for my sister in law when we host at our home since she considered my cooking to be p**sant food?’

I posted a while ago about serving dog food to the woman my brother in law eventually married. Wendy hasn’t changed much since then. She did shut up after she went to a few different taco places and they all told her what proper barbacoa is.

So anyway now whenever we have people over I always prepare a meal specially for her. Usually just plain unseasoned meat (other than salt and pepper, I’m not a monster) plain green salad with ranch on the side, and a plain starch like a baked potato or white rice.

I do not limit her to this food. I just always have it available in case she finds something offensive about the other food I make. We recently hosted a dinner party that included my wife’s. brother and his wife. We also had some new friends over.

Thea, the wife, asked if my sister in law had allergies since she was eating plain roast chicken b**ast with the aforementioned sides. She was worried about cross contamination since there was a lot of other food there I guess. Thea is a teacher and is hyper vigilant about food allergies.

This lead to Wendy explaining that I use cuts of meat that she did not grow up eating and that I refuse to tell her what is in the food I make. This is a fact. I learned my lesson. I make food my friends and family enjoy. If I use an ingredient that may be against a dietary restriction I make it clear.

For example if I serve pork I let everyone know. I also will answer any questions about allergens. My sister in law says that I insist on feeding her the most bland food possible. I pointed at the salsa verde on her food and asked her if it needed more serranos.

The whole story came out and Wendy was embarrassed again. I don’t think it was my fault. I have been passive aggressively been making sure she cannot complain about my cooking. My wife says that maybe it’s time to stop making a separate meal for Wendy. I said she is lucky I don’t serve her dino nuggets and lunchables.

When it comes to balancing hospitality with personal boundaries, food often becomes a battleground for deeper issues. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, “Setting clear boundaries and communicating honestly about expectations is key to maintaining healthy relationships. If one person’s preferences are unyielding and they consistently criticize, it’s reasonable to carve out space that protects your own style without compromising the overall experience.”

In this case, the host is not trying to limit her sister-in-law’s choices but is instead ensuring that Wendy has a non-offensive option, given her history of harsh critiques. This strategy is a practical measure to prevent unnecessary conflict. While some might view it as passive-aggressive, it reflects the host’s effort to manage a difficult relationship dynamic by accommodating a picky guest without sacrificing the integrity of her cooking. By preparing a separate, bland meal, she maintains her personal culinary style while also offering a compromise that respects Wendy’s specific—but arguably unreasonable—preferences.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit commenters have mixed reactions in similar situations. Many agree that if there’s no mutual agreement to change your cooking routine, you’re not obligated to alter your style for someone who is consistently critical. One commenter stated, “If you’re already serving what you know works for your guests, why should you have to cater to every eccentricity?” Others noted that while a little compromise might go a long way, it’s not fair to expect someone to completely change their culinary identity for a single guest.

[Reddit User] −  I do not limit her to this food. So… you’re making a meal for everyone that she’s welcome to participate in, but also preparing a second meal just for her in case she does not like the main fare? That’s incredibly thoughtful and polite of you. If she’s embarrassed about eating the special meal, she doesn’t have to eat it.. NTA

Specialist-Ad-1726 −  NTA. If she doesn’t like your food then don’t cook for her and let her cook for herself. Simple.

Hungry_Composer644 −  I’d be feeding her frozen tater tots and chicken tenders with a tiny little bowl of ketchup on the side, and canned corn kernels. I’m not even kidding. Either that, or she could bring her own food.

I’m a decade’s long vegan, pretty grossed out by the ingredients in your food, and I would NEVER be so disrespectful. I’d either bring my own meal or trust you to provide something appropriate for me, and happily sit there and eat with you all. Someone raised her poorly.. Definitely NTA.

MadameFlora −  Make one meal. You’re not the Four Seasons. NTA.

[Reddit User] −  She deserved to be embarrassed. I think it’s hilarious and perfect to have a plate of specail toddler food for her while everyone else enjoys the other food. Your only mistake is to provide salsa. It should be plain rice, a flour tortilla, and plain boiled chicken. This is the way to deal with someone who expects restaurant-style service at a dinner party. I’m storing it up for my own use.

Alfred-Register7379 −  Also, “other than salt and pepper, I’m not a monster” 🤌 😂

KaetzenOrkester −  I dunno, I think I may be team dino nuggets and lunchables 🤷🏻‍♂️ NTA

friendlily −  NTA. This woman would never be allowed back over to my house so your wife has a lot of nerve.

underthehillock −  “I said she is lucky I don’t serve her dino nuggets and lunchables”. 🤣🤣🤣 Well played, sir!

Nedstarkclash −  OP, did she really call your tacos “p**sant food?” I sometimes feel the reddit posts are fake because they contain such outlandish details.

Ultimately, this story is about balancing personal integrity with the challenges of accommodating a difficult guest. The host’s decision to prepare a bland meal for Wendy is not an outright refusal to be hospitable but a protective measure against endless criticism. Is it wrong to stick to your routine when a guest’s demands seem excessive?

Or should hospitality mean bending over backward—even if it means compromising your own style? We invite you to share your thoughts and experiences. How do you navigate personal boundaries when hosting, and where do you draw the line between compromise and self-respect?